Alas, poor Kermit, I knew him well.
Unlike many of the male persuasion, Kermit never let me down. He never left me stranded alone on the side of the road. He never gave me papers saying he was leaving because he wasn’t happy. Oh sure, I had to pamper him a bit – but come on, what man don’t cha?
I’ve never lost one – so tragically. So painfully. I went up to S.F. to see Obie 1 and the VP. I parked around the corner, because let’s face it: we all know that in S.F. you can’t park in front of where you’re going….right?
Night full of rain, rain, wind, wind. I love the sound of rain in the morning – so much nicer than napal—oh, that’s that other movie….sorry.
So I wake up, we eat breakfast, and decide to head out to do a little shopping.
“Hey VP! I need to stop by Kermit and get my jacket and my sunglasses”
So we drive around the corner – but we’re stopped by a barricade.
“Oh! The Hukilau must be having a block party for tonight!” exclaims the VP. I start to lift up the tape that is tied to the barricade.
--the yellow tape.
--the yellow tape which reads: “Warning! Police Line. Do No Cross.”
“Police line” I say to myself, “Crime scene? I wonder wha—“
and this is where everything goes to slooowwww-mooootionnnnnn.
I see a firetruck, and fireman. But it’s hard to see what they are doing because of that tree. Geez, I don’t remember that tree being quite so bushy –and big—and low! My Gawd, it looks like its on the groun……it looks like it’s—
“Steve, I think that tree is on my car.”
In disbelief I walked over towards the fireman.
And yes, I did check him out.
And no, I wasn’t interested in the fireman.
Bad parts:
1. Car is totaled.
2. Train ride took 4 hours (I can drive it in 2.75 hours).
3. Lady on the train coughed and coughed and coughed and coughed.
4. I will have to buy a new car
Good parts:
1. I am alive.
2. No one died
3. I am alive
4. Oh yeah, and an extreme skateboard movie was made of boarders jumping the tree and my car. As soon as pics come from Superman Steve I will post them here.
Monday, January 02, 2006
Monday, December 12, 2005
A Series of Sevens.
I got this off of Lecram's site, and thought I'd take a crack at it...
Seven things that attract me to a man
1.) A beautiful smile
2.) Beautiful eyes
3.) Intelligence
4.) Wit
5.) Kindness
6.) Talent
7.) A nice butt. Hey, what can I say – I’m shallow!
So, what have I learned about myself? Even though I am shallow (all that external stuff), I still want the good stuff on the inside! A good package inside and out.....
he-heh - I said package
Seven Things to Do Before I Die:
1.) Go to Australia.
2.) Be in London on my birthday
3.) Make a difference in a student’s life.
4.) Get rid of my spitefulness. Really…
5.) Have dinner with Brad Pitt. Okay – I know that’s not realistic…..
6.) Have my daughter admit that I truly was ALWAYS right….
7.) Attend a BIG award ceremony (Academy, Grammy, etc.)
So, what have I learned about myself? That if I truly can't die until I've completed all seven, I will never die....
Seven Things I Cannot Do:
1.) I cannot tolerate bigots.
2.) I cannot tolerate ignorance.
3.) I cannot accept defeat.
4.) I cannot accept indifference.
5.) I cannot eat tuna fish.6.) I cannot eat haggis. Ewwwwww.
7.) I cannot be alone for the rest of my life……okay, I CAN but I WILL not!
So, what have I learned about myself? I don't like STINKY STUFF:bigots,ignorance,defeat. all smell like tuna or haggis! Ewwwwww!
Seven Things I Say Most Often:
1.) I undermean what you stand…
2.) Rules, schmules..
3.) It really is all about me.
4.) Hello sweetie-dahling (to my daughter)
5.) No, I’m not interested (to telemarketers) – click!
6.) I’ll bet I’ve gone longer than you….
7.) Uh-huh
So, what have I learned about myself? Duh!!!! I'm a bit obnoxious!!! Duh!!!
Seven Books (or Book Series) I Love:
1.) Dragonflight by Ann McCaffrey
2.) The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
3.) Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Prachett *please note: perhaps one of the funniest Armaggedon books ever!
4.) Myth Adventures by Robert Asprin *is he a prevert or a pervert!?!?!?
5.) Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis (also Great Divorce, Till We had Faces, and almost anything else by Lewis)
6.) Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling
7.) The Face of Deception by Iris Johansen
So, what have I learned about myself? I'm not reading nearly as much as I used to! I need to change that!
Seven Movies I Would Watch Over and Over Again:
1.) Wizard of Oz.
2.) Edward Scissorhands
3.) Legends of the Fall
4.) The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe ***NOTE: FANTASTIC MOVIE!!!!
5.) Mame
6.) Bringing Up Baby
7.) Gilda
So, what have I learned about myself? Not much -- 'cause I already knew that I luved the movies!!!
Seven things that attract me to a man
1.) A beautiful smile
2.) Beautiful eyes
3.) Intelligence
4.) Wit
5.) Kindness
6.) Talent
7.) A nice butt. Hey, what can I say – I’m shallow!
So, what have I learned about myself? Even though I am shallow (all that external stuff), I still want the good stuff on the inside! A good package inside and out.....
he-heh - I said package
Seven Things to Do Before I Die:
1.) Go to Australia.
2.) Be in London on my birthday
3.) Make a difference in a student’s life.
4.) Get rid of my spitefulness. Really…
5.) Have dinner with Brad Pitt. Okay – I know that’s not realistic…..
6.) Have my daughter admit that I truly was ALWAYS right….
7.) Attend a BIG award ceremony (Academy, Grammy, etc.)
So, what have I learned about myself? That if I truly can't die until I've completed all seven, I will never die....
Seven Things I Cannot Do:
1.) I cannot tolerate bigots.
2.) I cannot tolerate ignorance.
3.) I cannot accept defeat.
4.) I cannot accept indifference.
5.) I cannot eat tuna fish.6.) I cannot eat haggis. Ewwwwww.
7.) I cannot be alone for the rest of my life……okay, I CAN but I WILL not!
So, what have I learned about myself? I don't like STINKY STUFF:bigots,ignorance,defeat. all smell like tuna or haggis! Ewwwwww!
Seven Things I Say Most Often:
1.) I undermean what you stand…
2.) Rules, schmules..
3.) It really is all about me.
4.) Hello sweetie-dahling (to my daughter)
5.) No, I’m not interested (to telemarketers) – click!
6.) I’ll bet I’ve gone longer than you….
7.) Uh-huh
So, what have I learned about myself? Duh!!!! I'm a bit obnoxious!!! Duh!!!
Seven Books (or Book Series) I Love:
1.) Dragonflight by Ann McCaffrey
2.) The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis
3.) Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Prachett *please note: perhaps one of the funniest Armaggedon books ever!
4.) Myth Adventures by Robert Asprin *is he a prevert or a pervert!?!?!?
5.) Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis (also Great Divorce, Till We had Faces, and almost anything else by Lewis)
6.) Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling
7.) The Face of Deception by Iris Johansen
So, what have I learned about myself? I'm not reading nearly as much as I used to! I need to change that!
Seven Movies I Would Watch Over and Over Again:
1.) Wizard of Oz.
2.) Edward Scissorhands
3.) Legends of the Fall
4.) The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe ***NOTE: FANTASTIC MOVIE!!!!
5.) Mame
6.) Bringing Up Baby
7.) Gilda
So, what have I learned about myself? Not much -- 'cause I already knew that I luved the movies!!!
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Wanting some.....pie....
I’m not fond of nuts.
Not in my cookies, not in my brownies, and definitely not in my ice cream. A handful of nuts to snack on is fine – I just don’t like them mixing with other things. Nuts separate:okay. Nuts in things: not okay.
Why the sudden interest in nuts? Well, my friend, Jade took me to a new restaurant she found. She ordered the chicken, even though the waiter tried to convince her to try the lasagna. I ordered a nice Greek salad. I like Greek salad – some sun-dried tomatoes, kalmatta olives, feta cheese – it’s all good. I was happy!!
Okay, okay, I was satisfied and comfortable with my choice, until that damn waiter showed up, all smiles and asked, “Would you like some pecan pie for dessert?” “No thank you,” I responded politely, “ I don’t really care for nuts.” “Are you sure?” he persisted, “it is the best in town.” “No, “ I firmly declined, “perhaps next time.”
And then Jade tells me how good the pecan pie is. How much everyone loves the pecan pie, and perhaps I ought to try the pecan pie. I look at that dessert cart as he walks away, and yes – it does look like a nice slice of pie. “Hmm,” I think to myself, “perhaps I am mature enough to like nuts in things.” So I decide to try the pecan pie the next time we go out for lunch.
Hours pass. Days pass. Weeks pass, and I keep thinking about that pecan pie. How all those nuts are stuck together in a gooey sweet mess, and pressed firmly into that crust. I wonder if their crunchy or mushy? They look crunchy – but looks can be deceiving. I wonder how sweet that gooey stuff is – perhaps not sweet at all. What if it’s really bitter? What if that salt from the nuts makes the gooey stuff salty? Hmmm – maybe that’s why they put whip cream on top – I wonder if it’s real whip cream – or just Cool Whip? Should I use a fork or a spoon – or just use my hands? Yes, yes, I was obsessed with the pecan pie.
So I decide to go and try the pecan pie. I go to the restaurant, and that same waiter comes over. I start to order my Greek salad, and decide to forego the main course. Damn it, I came for the pecan pie, I’ll just start with dessert! (What a rebel!)
“Would you like the Greek salad?”
“No, thank you. I think I’d like to try the pecan pie.”
“Pecan pie?”
“Yes, please.”
“We don’t serve pecan pie.”
“But just a few weeks ago, you suggested I try the pecan pie—“
“Ma’am, I don’t know what you’re talking about. We don’t serve pecan pie. Perhaps you’d like a nice slice of lemon meringue?”
I hate nuts….
Not in my cookies, not in my brownies, and definitely not in my ice cream. A handful of nuts to snack on is fine – I just don’t like them mixing with other things. Nuts separate:okay. Nuts in things: not okay.
Why the sudden interest in nuts? Well, my friend, Jade took me to a new restaurant she found. She ordered the chicken, even though the waiter tried to convince her to try the lasagna. I ordered a nice Greek salad. I like Greek salad – some sun-dried tomatoes, kalmatta olives, feta cheese – it’s all good. I was happy!!
Okay, okay, I was satisfied and comfortable with my choice, until that damn waiter showed up, all smiles and asked, “Would you like some pecan pie for dessert?” “No thank you,” I responded politely, “ I don’t really care for nuts.” “Are you sure?” he persisted, “it is the best in town.” “No, “ I firmly declined, “perhaps next time.”
And then Jade tells me how good the pecan pie is. How much everyone loves the pecan pie, and perhaps I ought to try the pecan pie. I look at that dessert cart as he walks away, and yes – it does look like a nice slice of pie. “Hmm,” I think to myself, “perhaps I am mature enough to like nuts in things.” So I decide to try the pecan pie the next time we go out for lunch.
Hours pass. Days pass. Weeks pass, and I keep thinking about that pecan pie. How all those nuts are stuck together in a gooey sweet mess, and pressed firmly into that crust. I wonder if their crunchy or mushy? They look crunchy – but looks can be deceiving. I wonder how sweet that gooey stuff is – perhaps not sweet at all. What if it’s really bitter? What if that salt from the nuts makes the gooey stuff salty? Hmmm – maybe that’s why they put whip cream on top – I wonder if it’s real whip cream – or just Cool Whip? Should I use a fork or a spoon – or just use my hands? Yes, yes, I was obsessed with the pecan pie.
So I decide to go and try the pecan pie. I go to the restaurant, and that same waiter comes over. I start to order my Greek salad, and decide to forego the main course. Damn it, I came for the pecan pie, I’ll just start with dessert! (What a rebel!)
“Would you like the Greek salad?”
“No, thank you. I think I’d like to try the pecan pie.”
“Pecan pie?”
“Yes, please.”
“We don’t serve pecan pie.”
“But just a few weeks ago, you suggested I try the pecan pie—“
“Ma’am, I don’t know what you’re talking about. We don’t serve pecan pie. Perhaps you’d like a nice slice of lemon meringue?”
I hate nuts….
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
last one....I PROMISE....okay,maybe the almost last one...
can't help it!
These are just too fun! Found this one on Pauls post -- who, btw, has been quite the eye-candy in all this HNT frivolity.....
These are just too fun! Found this one on Pauls post -- who, btw, has been quite the eye-candy in all this HNT frivolity.....
| Your Superhero Profile |
 |
midgets have always freaked me out, even though my fave movie is Wizard of Oz. Would love to ride a dragon - the real kind, boys -- not the one you've nicknamed and carry around with you!
My weapon is my Strobe Boomerang........that's just plain nasty.......I think I like it......
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
thanks, Lecram....you KNOW how crazy I get with these things....
| You Are Not Scary |
 Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet? |
yup, yup. EVERbody luvs me......
| Your Hidden Talent |
 |
hmmm, big potential, creative and know-it-all, --err, knowledgeable...
and finally, my favorite...and not because it says I was gorgeous....okay, okay, it IS because it says I was gorgeous! Remember: I AM shallow...
| In a Past Life... |
 Where You Lived: Thailand. How You Died: Consumption. |
Who Were You In a Past Life?
Saturday, November 12, 2005
The Lady with the Flashlight Eyes, part 3
continued from part 2:
It is almost night, and somehow, I am alone, at the bottom of the hill. The wind is whipping around me, and it has begun to rain. I know I must make it up the hill quickly, before the rain makes the hill insurmountable, and forces me to walk home the long way. "Gosh, this seems familiar," I tell myself, "kinda deja-"
“Can I help you, dear?” A voice and a hand appear from the top of the hill. “Yes,” I respond, taking the hand, “ thank you.” The hand belongs to a woman – maybe in her thirties or forties.
"Crap! It's her! How'd I get here, again?" I ask myself.
I closed my eyes, willing myself to be anywhere but here. "Please,please, anywhere but-"
I opened my eyes --
And I'm running up the stairs to my house. "How'd I get here? I ask myself, "How'd I get from the hill to the house?" But I can hear her laughing, almost cackling, “ You must die! You killed my son! I can follow you anywhere! You killed—“I grab the door handle, and run inside, slamming the door behind me. I head for the kitchen, still reeling with deja-vu. As I walk into the kitchen, I notice that some of the cabinet doors are open. “That lazy -- NO!" And I know, without looking that
There’s an arm reaching out of the lower cabinet
-- and it will grab hold of the cabinet door, and out she will step
-and so I close my eyes, "Please, please, anywhere but here."
And when I open my eyes, I'm in a beautiful meadow. Safe. "Cool," I can transport out of a bad dream."
The dreams continued for 2-3 years. Sometimes, I knew it would be one of "those" dreams; I would be plagued in the dream with deja-vu. I would know that something bad was going to happen -- and if I recognized the warnings early enought, I could "move" myself out of the dream, although some "moves" were into even more dangerous or deadly places.
"The Lady with the Flashlight Eyes" saga started while we lived in Merced California, and stopped about six months after we moved to Lincoln Nebraska. My family had much fun teasing me along the way: JoJo would leave cupboards open, Jeff would put mini-flashlights by his eyes at night to scare me.......but the biggest scare came a year or so after I had the last dream -- and happened in real life during a hot summer afternoon:
"Jayne!" Susan dug her elbow into my side, "Come on! This is our stop!"
"Huh?" I quickly stood up, and followed Susan off the bus.
"Jayne, you've been acting funny all day. What's kicking?"
"I dunno Susan, I just feel funny. Kinda having some deja-vu."
"Cool! You doing that ESP stuff? Tell me my future!!!!"
Susan loved to tease me, and usually I was up for it. But all morning I'd had a strange feeling in my gut. Something was up -- something bad was goin--
"Jayne! Here's that incense shop I told you about! The woman was really nice last week. She told me if I brought some friends in that she'd give us some free stuff."Susan grabbed me by the had, and dragged me into the small store.
--Dark. My nose was bombarded with incense and candles. And something else. something familiar -- but I couldn't place my finger on it. And all the while, that deja-vu feeling was becoming stronger and stronger. Susan was dragging me towards the back of the store. There was a woman there, with her back to us.
"Ma'am? Hi! I was here last week. You told me to come back with some friends --"
"Yes, deary," the woman said, and started to turn around, "How responsible of you, deary --"
It was her! The Lady with the Flashlight Eyes - for real! I closed my eyes, and said, "please, please, anywhere but here" and opened my eyes - but she was still there. Those eyes - all black, with no white around the edges. And she looked at me--
and smiled.
She knew.
I grabbed Susan, and ran out of the store. I continued to run for three blocks before I stopped, and told Susan who it was in the store.
I made my mother sleep in my room for the next three nights.
--And I still can't sleep with drawers, cupboards or closets open.
It is almost night, and somehow, I am alone, at the bottom of the hill. The wind is whipping around me, and it has begun to rain. I know I must make it up the hill quickly, before the rain makes the hill insurmountable, and forces me to walk home the long way. "Gosh, this seems familiar," I tell myself, "kinda deja-"
“Can I help you, dear?” A voice and a hand appear from the top of the hill. “Yes,” I respond, taking the hand, “ thank you.” The hand belongs to a woman – maybe in her thirties or forties.
"Crap! It's her! How'd I get here, again?" I ask myself.
I closed my eyes, willing myself to be anywhere but here. "Please,please, anywhere but-"
I opened my eyes --
And I'm running up the stairs to my house. "How'd I get here? I ask myself, "How'd I get from the hill to the house?" But I can hear her laughing, almost cackling, “ You must die! You killed my son! I can follow you anywhere! You killed—“I grab the door handle, and run inside, slamming the door behind me. I head for the kitchen, still reeling with deja-vu. As I walk into the kitchen, I notice that some of the cabinet doors are open. “That lazy -- NO!" And I know, without looking that
There’s an arm reaching out of the lower cabinet
-- and it will grab hold of the cabinet door, and out she will step
-and so I close my eyes, "Please, please, anywhere but here."
And when I open my eyes, I'm in a beautiful meadow. Safe. "Cool," I can transport out of a bad dream."
The dreams continued for 2-3 years. Sometimes, I knew it would be one of "those" dreams; I would be plagued in the dream with deja-vu. I would know that something bad was going to happen -- and if I recognized the warnings early enought, I could "move" myself out of the dream, although some "moves" were into even more dangerous or deadly places.
"The Lady with the Flashlight Eyes" saga started while we lived in Merced California, and stopped about six months after we moved to Lincoln Nebraska. My family had much fun teasing me along the way: JoJo would leave cupboards open, Jeff would put mini-flashlights by his eyes at night to scare me.......but the biggest scare came a year or so after I had the last dream -- and happened in real life during a hot summer afternoon:
"Jayne!" Susan dug her elbow into my side, "Come on! This is our stop!"
"Huh?" I quickly stood up, and followed Susan off the bus.
"Jayne, you've been acting funny all day. What's kicking?"
"I dunno Susan, I just feel funny. Kinda having some deja-vu."
"Cool! You doing that ESP stuff? Tell me my future!!!!"
Susan loved to tease me, and usually I was up for it. But all morning I'd had a strange feeling in my gut. Something was up -- something bad was goin--
"Jayne! Here's that incense shop I told you about! The woman was really nice last week. She told me if I brought some friends in that she'd give us some free stuff."Susan grabbed me by the had, and dragged me into the small store.
--Dark. My nose was bombarded with incense and candles. And something else. something familiar -- but I couldn't place my finger on it. And all the while, that deja-vu feeling was becoming stronger and stronger. Susan was dragging me towards the back of the store. There was a woman there, with her back to us.
"Ma'am? Hi! I was here last week. You told me to come back with some friends --"
"Yes, deary," the woman said, and started to turn around, "How responsible of you, deary --"
It was her! The Lady with the Flashlight Eyes - for real! I closed my eyes, and said, "please, please, anywhere but here" and opened my eyes - but she was still there. Those eyes - all black, with no white around the edges. And she looked at me--
and smiled.
She knew.
I grabbed Susan, and ran out of the store. I continued to run for three blocks before I stopped, and told Susan who it was in the store.
I made my mother sleep in my room for the next three nights.
--And I still can't sleep with drawers, cupboards or closets open.
Monday, November 07, 2005
I got tagged by Lecram.....
not graffitti tagged
not flag football tagged
not chasey-chasey taggy-taggy tagged
but blog-tagged --
so here's what my tagstuctions were:
1. Go into your archives.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Post the fifth sentence (or closest to it).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same thing.
Okay, my 23rd post was shortly after the bombing in London. It was entitled "Taking Inventory."
5th line:
...But tonight I forced myself to ”take stock” of all the good things and blessings in my life.
5th sentence:
1. I am grateful that my friends across the pond are all okay. And that some are so much more than acceptable…
So, there ya' go! And, I'm gonna tag: Jade, SSM, Kien, Mustang, and hmmm....I don't know anyone else.......Brad Pitt?????
not graffitti tagged
not flag football tagged
not chasey-chasey taggy-taggy tagged
but blog-tagged --
so here's what my tagstuctions were:
1. Go into your archives.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Post the fifth sentence (or closest to it).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same thing.
Okay, my 23rd post was shortly after the bombing in London. It was entitled "Taking Inventory."
5th line:
...But tonight I forced myself to ”take stock” of all the good things and blessings in my life.
5th sentence:
1. I am grateful that my friends across the pond are all okay. And that some are so much more than acceptable…
So, there ya' go! And, I'm gonna tag: Jade, SSM, Kien, Mustang, and hmmm....I don't know anyone else.......Brad Pitt?????
Friday, November 04, 2005
Lady with the Flashlight Eyes - Part 2
continued from part 1:
“Mom? Dad?” I call out, “are you here?”
There’s no answer, and the house is dark, save for the lone light in the kitchen.
“Ahhh!” panic grips my throat as I feel something brush against my leg. But my scream turns to a giggle. “Casper!” I reach down and scoop up the cat that is rubbing and purring against my leg, “you silly cat! You scared me – but not as much as this crazy woman I met outside. Thank God I made it into the house!”
I walk shakily through the house, turning lights on. I hate the dark. And I hate being home alone. But there’s nothing worse than being home alone in the dark. I shudder, and head for the kitchen.
“Who do you suppose she is, Casper? What was she talking about? ‘You killed my son, you must die?’ She must be some nut, huh?”
As I walk into the kitchen, I notice that some of the cabinet doors are open. “That lazy JoJo! She puts the dishes away – and leaves the doors open. I don’t know wh-"
There’s an arm reaching out of the lower cabinet.
It grabs hold of the cabinet door, and out she steps – those huge eyes glowing – “Thanks for leaving a door open for me, sweetie!” And her arm comes up, clutching the biggest, shiniest knife I’ve ever seen.
“No! How’d you –“but my brain interjects, “Stupid! Run!”
I throw Casper at her, hissing and clawing. I turn and run for the stairs. Casper buys me a few precious moments, but I hear her leaving the kitchen, and following me. I slam the bathroom door closed behind me. With my ear against the door, I listen. Is she coming up the stairs? Why don’t I hear her? She can’t possibly know that the 3rd step from the top squeaks – but how come I haven’t heard her? Where is sh—
There’s a squeak – but it’s coming from behind me, not the other side of the door.
I wheel around, in time to see those eyes – peering out from the cabinet under the sink. “Stupid girl!” she sneered, “not so responsible now, are you? You left the cabinet open! Makes it easier for me. Betcha didn’t know they’re all connected, eh?”
I bolt out of the bathroom – which way, which way? Bedroom, or back downstairs? But I don’t remember how many cupboards are open in the kitchen – so it’s the bedroom! Screaming, I run down the hall, towards my room, but I can almost feel her breath on the back of my neck – feel the breeze created by her blade. I reach the sanctuary of my room, slamming the door shut behind me. She’s pushing from the other side and laughing, “Stupid girl! Bad choice, eh deary? No locks! No locks!”
And the pushing stops. Where is she? Frantically I scan the room – no cupboards or cabinets, so I should be—
Her arm! Coming out of my dresser drawer! I fly across the room, slamming the drawer shut, forcing her back.
“Heh, heh – getting a bit smarter, are we? Next time – next time – we’ll see. My poor boy, my poor boy – dead because of you—dead bec—“
I shudder and awake. "Wow, what a dream!" I think aloud, "just like that one from a few weeks ago"
Rolling over, I see the dresser drawer is open…..I scramble out of bed and shove it closed.
“Jaynie?” Jojo calls groggily from her bed, “what’s wrong?”
“Nothing…go back to sleep. Just – well, we can’t leave the drawers open anymore –‘kay? Cause….well, ‘cause we can’t, that’s all.”
Stay tuned -- for the next installment of The Lady with the Flashlight Eyes
“Mom? Dad?” I call out, “are you here?”
There’s no answer, and the house is dark, save for the lone light in the kitchen.
“Ahhh!” panic grips my throat as I feel something brush against my leg. But my scream turns to a giggle. “Casper!” I reach down and scoop up the cat that is rubbing and purring against my leg, “you silly cat! You scared me – but not as much as this crazy woman I met outside. Thank God I made it into the house!”
I walk shakily through the house, turning lights on. I hate the dark. And I hate being home alone. But there’s nothing worse than being home alone in the dark. I shudder, and head for the kitchen.
“Who do you suppose she is, Casper? What was she talking about? ‘You killed my son, you must die?’ She must be some nut, huh?”
As I walk into the kitchen, I notice that some of the cabinet doors are open. “That lazy JoJo! She puts the dishes away – and leaves the doors open. I don’t know wh-"
There’s an arm reaching out of the lower cabinet.
It grabs hold of the cabinet door, and out she steps – those huge eyes glowing – “Thanks for leaving a door open for me, sweetie!” And her arm comes up, clutching the biggest, shiniest knife I’ve ever seen.
“No! How’d you –“but my brain interjects, “Stupid! Run!”
I throw Casper at her, hissing and clawing. I turn and run for the stairs. Casper buys me a few precious moments, but I hear her leaving the kitchen, and following me. I slam the bathroom door closed behind me. With my ear against the door, I listen. Is she coming up the stairs? Why don’t I hear her? She can’t possibly know that the 3rd step from the top squeaks – but how come I haven’t heard her? Where is sh—
There’s a squeak – but it’s coming from behind me, not the other side of the door.
I wheel around, in time to see those eyes – peering out from the cabinet under the sink. “Stupid girl!” she sneered, “not so responsible now, are you? You left the cabinet open! Makes it easier for me. Betcha didn’t know they’re all connected, eh?”
I bolt out of the bathroom – which way, which way? Bedroom, or back downstairs? But I don’t remember how many cupboards are open in the kitchen – so it’s the bedroom! Screaming, I run down the hall, towards my room, but I can almost feel her breath on the back of my neck – feel the breeze created by her blade. I reach the sanctuary of my room, slamming the door shut behind me. She’s pushing from the other side and laughing, “Stupid girl! Bad choice, eh deary? No locks! No locks!”
And the pushing stops. Where is she? Frantically I scan the room – no cupboards or cabinets, so I should be—
Her arm! Coming out of my dresser drawer! I fly across the room, slamming the drawer shut, forcing her back.
“Heh, heh – getting a bit smarter, are we? Next time – next time – we’ll see. My poor boy, my poor boy – dead because of you—dead bec—“
I shudder and awake. "Wow, what a dream!" I think aloud, "just like that one from a few weeks ago"
Rolling over, I see the dresser drawer is open…..I scramble out of bed and shove it closed.
“Jaynie?” Jojo calls groggily from her bed, “what’s wrong?”
“Nothing…go back to sleep. Just – well, we can’t leave the drawers open anymore –‘kay? Cause….well, ‘cause we can’t, that’s all.”
Stay tuned -- for the next installment of The Lady with the Flashlight Eyes
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
The Lady with the Flashlght Eyes
“You killed my son, and now you must die.”
No, this is not the last thing my exmother-in-law said to me……although THAT is definitely material for a later blog…or therapy session…or both.
But I digress.
No, that line was spoken by a lady who terrorized me in two (maybe three) different states. A lady who still makes it impossible for me to sleep with drawers, cupboard doors or closet doors open. A lady who haunted my dreams for 5 years: The Lady with the Flashlight Eyes. Yeah, laugh now….go ahead. We’ll see if you’re still laughing at the end.
I don’t remember how old I was when I had the first dream. Maybe twelve? Maybe thirteen? But I certainly remember that first dream:
It is almost night, and somehow, I am alone, at the bottom of the hill. The wind is whipping around me, and it has begun to rain. I know I must make it up the hill quickly, before the rain makes the hill insurmountable, and forces me to walk home the long way. And “the long way”, would mean that I would be walking in the dark. I struggle up the hill, ignoring the whispering wind, pulling my jacket away from the grasping tree limbs, pushing my damp hair back from my face. The ground is quickly becoming a muddy stream. I frantically grab at the tall weeds to keep from falling.
“Can I help you, dear?” A voice and a hand appear from the top of the hill. “Yes,” I respond, taking the hand, “ thank you.”
The hand belongs to a woman – maybe in her thirties or forties. She has a broad face, and wild curly brown hair. But her eyes….are strange. In the setting light, it’s hard to tell the color. Are they brown? Black? Is the light playing a trick on my eyes? For it seems as if there is no white—
“What is a lovely young girl like you doing out?”
“Oh, I’m not out, m’am. I’m on my way home. See? That’s my house right down the street,” I answered, pointing to my house halfway down the block.
“Oh, I see. And where were you? Were you out with friends?”
“No, I was babysitting,” I responded. “How come the house is so dark? Aren’t Mom and Dad home yet?” I thought to myself.
“Oh, so you were earning money. How responsible of you.”
“Huh? I’m sorry, I was distracted. What did you say?”
I turn to look at her, just as the last beam of sunlight disappeared. And yes, her eyes are black! There is no white part around the outs---but wait! What’s happening to her eyes? They’re glowing….they’re growing, bigger. Shining—
“I said, how responsible!” She grabs both of my arms, and pulls me close, closer to those shining orbs that reside where her eyes had been, “now that you’ve killed my son, you become responsible! Well, you still must die! You killed my son, and now you must die!”
I break free and run! Run as fast as I can to the door. But I can hear her laughing, almost cackling, “ You must die! You killed my son! I can follow you anywhere! You killed—“
I grab the door handle, and run inside, slamming the door behind me.
“Mom! Dad! Are you here? Hurry! Mom!?!?!?”
“Missy! We’re right here!”
I sit, bolt up in my bed.
“Mom? Dad?”
“Missy. It’s okay. You just had a bad dream. Are you okay?”
Tune in for the next segment of….of course…..The Lady with the Flashlight Eyes.
No, this is not the last thing my exmother-in-law said to me……although THAT is definitely material for a later blog…or therapy session…or both.
But I digress.
No, that line was spoken by a lady who terrorized me in two (maybe three) different states. A lady who still makes it impossible for me to sleep with drawers, cupboard doors or closet doors open. A lady who haunted my dreams for 5 years: The Lady with the Flashlight Eyes. Yeah, laugh now….go ahead. We’ll see if you’re still laughing at the end.
I don’t remember how old I was when I had the first dream. Maybe twelve? Maybe thirteen? But I certainly remember that first dream:
It is almost night, and somehow, I am alone, at the bottom of the hill. The wind is whipping around me, and it has begun to rain. I know I must make it up the hill quickly, before the rain makes the hill insurmountable, and forces me to walk home the long way. And “the long way”, would mean that I would be walking in the dark. I struggle up the hill, ignoring the whispering wind, pulling my jacket away from the grasping tree limbs, pushing my damp hair back from my face. The ground is quickly becoming a muddy stream. I frantically grab at the tall weeds to keep from falling.
“Can I help you, dear?” A voice and a hand appear from the top of the hill. “Yes,” I respond, taking the hand, “ thank you.”
The hand belongs to a woman – maybe in her thirties or forties. She has a broad face, and wild curly brown hair. But her eyes….are strange. In the setting light, it’s hard to tell the color. Are they brown? Black? Is the light playing a trick on my eyes? For it seems as if there is no white—
“What is a lovely young girl like you doing out?”
“Oh, I’m not out, m’am. I’m on my way home. See? That’s my house right down the street,” I answered, pointing to my house halfway down the block.
“Oh, I see. And where were you? Were you out with friends?”
“No, I was babysitting,” I responded. “How come the house is so dark? Aren’t Mom and Dad home yet?” I thought to myself.
“Oh, so you were earning money. How responsible of you.”
“Huh? I’m sorry, I was distracted. What did you say?”
I turn to look at her, just as the last beam of sunlight disappeared. And yes, her eyes are black! There is no white part around the outs---but wait! What’s happening to her eyes? They’re glowing….they’re growing, bigger. Shining—
“I said, how responsible!” She grabs both of my arms, and pulls me close, closer to those shining orbs that reside where her eyes had been, “now that you’ve killed my son, you become responsible! Well, you still must die! You killed my son, and now you must die!”
I break free and run! Run as fast as I can to the door. But I can hear her laughing, almost cackling, “ You must die! You killed my son! I can follow you anywhere! You killed—“
I grab the door handle, and run inside, slamming the door behind me.
“Mom! Dad! Are you here? Hurry! Mom!?!?!?”
“Missy! We’re right here!”
I sit, bolt up in my bed.
“Mom? Dad?”
“Missy. It’s okay. You just had a bad dream. Are you okay?”
Tune in for the next segment of….of course…..The Lady with the Flashlight Eyes.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
"No Blood, A Small Man and Condoms"…or "How I spent my Birthday"
After coercing Jade to write her bloody condom story – she has told me I must write my condom story – which,I promise, is not nearly as funny as hers – but it is true, and it is mine – so, here we go.
Drew and Ryan threw a lovely birthday for me last year, complete with champagne and other lovely spirits, lovely food, and absitively-poslutely lovely little waiters serving all. Of course, anytime that the party elements are involved, the conversation turns to sex.
“Airplane Jayne,” announced Drew, “we are tired of you being dateless. So we bought you a date.”
“I hope it’s Martin, the cute blonde waiter” I responded excitedly.
“No,” retorted Drew, “he’s gay. You can’t have him.”
“Stop it Drew!” admonished Ryan, “we don’t know if he’s gay. We just know you want to--!”
Drew interrupted, “Yes he is if I say he is! Anyway, PBj, err I mean APj, we bought you a man, and he’s naked – here!”
Without further ado, he presents me with a 6 inch man.
--yes that’s a 6 inch man – imagine the length of his pe—
“Just what am I suppose to do with him?” I asked.
“Well dahling,” cooed Drew, “throw him in the water, and he GROWS….to FIVE FEET”
I quickly calculated in my head the new anticipated height and length of his body parts – and threw him in the hot tub.
“Can I get you something?” asked Martin, the cute blonde waiter.
“Well, can you find me a towel for my date?”
“Date? Where is your date?” Martin alarmedly asked.
“Oh, that’s him, the 6 inch guy in the hot tub. I’m waiting for him to –err—expand.”
Martin, a bit confused, smiled sheepishly, and went in search of a towel….
“APj!” called Superman Steve, “Kajsa and I have a special present for you.”
I turned away from my hot-tubbing date, because...well, because a present is a present!!!
“Presents! I love presents! But make it quick! I’ve got a man in the tub waiting for me!”
“Yes, yes, APj. We’ve bought you something special—“
“Yes, “interjected Kajsa, “very special – and useful. But there really wasn’t time to wrap them”
Steve handed me a lovely green silk jewelry box.
“Oh, it’s lovely!” I gushed.
“But wait!” teased Steve, “We’ve put some –well, some jewelry inside.”
Okay, now every girl loves jewelry, right? I began to quiver in excitement. I do so love the anticipation. I slowly opened the lid. What could it possibly be? Earrings? A necklace? A bracel—
“Jayne?” came Martin’s soft voice in my ear, “here’s the towel for your date.”
Of course, a soft male voice in my ear slightly startled me
–hey, what do you expect after a long dry spell?
-- and I dropped my jewelry box --
--and all the lovely jewels came tumbling out.
--all forty of them.
“FORTY WHAT!?!?!?” I hear you screaming.
The room erupted as I embarrassedly bent to retrieve all my jewels, scattered across the floor. Drew retrieved my date, still only 6 inches tall with miniscule other parts, from the hot-tub.
“Oh PBj, I mean APj sweetie, I don’t think the jewels will fit on your date’s jewels!”
So Steve is picking up my condoms. Kajsa is picking up my condoms. Edwina and Pat are laughing and picking up my condoms. Martin, ever the gentleman, grabbed as many as he could. As he placed the twenty-or-so condoms in my hand, he said, “oh, by the way: I’m not gay”
Drew and Ryan threw a lovely birthday for me last year, complete with champagne and other lovely spirits, lovely food, and absitively-poslutely lovely little waiters serving all. Of course, anytime that the party elements are involved, the conversation turns to sex.
“Airplane Jayne,” announced Drew, “we are tired of you being dateless. So we bought you a date.”
“I hope it’s Martin, the cute blonde waiter” I responded excitedly.
“No,” retorted Drew, “he’s gay. You can’t have him.”
“Stop it Drew!” admonished Ryan, “we don’t know if he’s gay. We just know you want to--!”
Drew interrupted, “Yes he is if I say he is! Anyway, PBj, err I mean APj, we bought you a man, and he’s naked – here!”
Without further ado, he presents me with a 6 inch man.
--yes that’s a 6 inch man – imagine the length of his pe—
“Just what am I suppose to do with him?” I asked.
“Well dahling,” cooed Drew, “throw him in the water, and he GROWS….to FIVE FEET”
I quickly calculated in my head the new anticipated height and length of his body parts – and threw him in the hot tub.
“Can I get you something?” asked Martin, the cute blonde waiter.
“Well, can you find me a towel for my date?”
“Date? Where is your date?” Martin alarmedly asked.
“Oh, that’s him, the 6 inch guy in the hot tub. I’m waiting for him to –err—expand.”
Martin, a bit confused, smiled sheepishly, and went in search of a towel….
“APj!” called Superman Steve, “Kajsa and I have a special present for you.”
I turned away from my hot-tubbing date, because...well, because a present is a present!!!
“Presents! I love presents! But make it quick! I’ve got a man in the tub waiting for me!”
“Yes, yes, APj. We’ve bought you something special—“
“Yes, “interjected Kajsa, “very special – and useful. But there really wasn’t time to wrap them”
Steve handed me a lovely green silk jewelry box.
“Oh, it’s lovely!” I gushed.
“But wait!” teased Steve, “We’ve put some –well, some jewelry inside.”
Okay, now every girl loves jewelry, right? I began to quiver in excitement. I do so love the anticipation. I slowly opened the lid. What could it possibly be? Earrings? A necklace? A bracel—
“Jayne?” came Martin’s soft voice in my ear, “here’s the towel for your date.”
Of course, a soft male voice in my ear slightly startled me
–hey, what do you expect after a long dry spell?
-- and I dropped my jewelry box --
--and all the lovely jewels came tumbling out.
--all forty of them.
“FORTY WHAT!?!?!?” I hear you screaming.
The room erupted as I embarrassedly bent to retrieve all my jewels, scattered across the floor. Drew retrieved my date, still only 6 inches tall with miniscule other parts, from the hot-tub.
“Oh PBj, I mean APj sweetie, I don’t think the jewels will fit on your date’s jewels!”
So Steve is picking up my condoms. Kajsa is picking up my condoms. Edwina and Pat are laughing and picking up my condoms. Martin, ever the gentleman, grabbed as many as he could. As he placed the twenty-or-so condoms in my hand, he said, “oh, by the way: I’m not gay”
Saturday, October 01, 2005
My inner selves...
So...
Lecram found this site that told him how intelligent he is (70%scientific and 70% emotional) --
and yes, SSM, I agree with you: the math (140%) just doesn't add up!
Hel-LO, I used to do accounting and statistics!
So I took the test --
STUPID!
Yes -- the test is --
--but according to the test, so am I: 40% scientific and 65% emotional. See? Even those numbers don't add up. Dumb test.
But of course, it was a QUIZ site (Lecram, stop finding them. You know how I get with them.....)
So....I found out that I am:
--hmmmm.....looks like RockstarMan won't be the only one in black....
And now....for something completely different:
Lecram found this site that told him how intelligent he is (70%scientific and 70% emotional) --
and yes, SSM, I agree with you: the math (140%) just doesn't add up!
Hel-LO, I used to do accounting and statistics!
So I took the test --
STUPID!
Yes -- the test is --
--but according to the test, so am I: 40% scientific and 65% emotional. See? Even those numbers don't add up. Dumb test.
But of course, it was a QUIZ site (Lecram, stop finding them. You know how I get with them.....)
So....I found out that I am:
| a Ninja You scored 8 Honor, 4 Justice, 5 Adventure, and 6 Individuality! |
| You are a soldier of the night. You rely on no more than your cunning and your repuation to strike fear in the hearts of lord and peasant alike. You've a sense of honor, but one that comes from within, not imposed from outside. Black clothes and shuriken for you. You're gonna do just fine. |
 |
--hmmmm.....looks like RockstarMan won't be the only one in black....
And now....for something completely different:
| the Cutting Edge |
CLEAN SPONTANEOUS DARK Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top. Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi  The'>http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=17565214125862764376">The 3-Variable Funny Test! - it rules - If you're interested, try my latest: The'>http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=18048702267320519909">The Terrorism Test |
Okay - so get me in a dark room, do something spontaneous, and not too vulgar -- and yes... I'll probably laugh.... |
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Coming Out of the Closet!
What kind of learner are you? Some people are auditory learners – they have to hear it. Some are kinesthetic learners – gotta move. Me? I tend to be a visual learner – I gotta see it. And, being as I’m a visual kinda gal, I tend to think that other people are visual learners also. So sometimes, when someone isn’t getting what I’m saying – well I gotta show ‘em….I gotta give ‘em a visual lesson.
Hmmm, I can hear you saying, “What kind of visual lesson, APj?”
Not that kind of visual, you dirtyminded Rogues. Hmmm, let me think……Okay! Got it!
THE CLOSET LESSON
“What the hell happened in the bedroom!?!?!?!?” I screamed down the hall to Mike, aka Voldemort.
“Huh?” came the answer from the living room couch. Well, not actually from the couch; more from the lump-of-possibly-human-flesh on said couch. I say “possibly” because there was this new hunk of metal that appeared permanently melded to his hand, pointing towards the TV, and I didn’t remember my husband as having anything firm, hard, metal or hunky in his hand…..for a loooonnnng time.
“What happened in the bedroom!?!?!?” I repeated, “It looks like a bomb exploded on my side of the closet – blowing all my clothes out!”
“Oh, quit having a cow! I got satellite TV, and they had to get into the attic to hook it up. Look at all these channels we can ge….” and the voice trailed off as his eyes glazed over. I started to ask again, but could tell that he was captured in the thrail of her web.
But meanwhile, back at the ranch – or actually, back in my bombed bedroom: every stitch of clothing I owned was crumpled in a heap on the floor. In his hurry to bond with his new lover, Sad E. Lite, Voldemort had hurriedly removed my clothes for easy access, and discarded them on the floor.
“Honey! Aren’t you gonna help me put this back? I mean, come on! I’ve been working all da—“
“Jesus H. Christ, Jayne! It’s no big f-ing deal! Quitcherbitchin!”
“No big deal?” I thought to myself, “my clothes are all over the floor, he’s making luv to Sad E Lite in my living room, and it’s no big deal?” I began to hang up the clothes, and with each hanger, I became…well, a little more enraged. –and logic doesn’t coexist with rage very well…….and, well, something kinda snapped.
“No big deal?!?” I muttered aloud. “Humph! I’ll show him no big deal!” I casually strolled to his side of the closet.
I removed his clothing from the closet.
I carefully deposited his clothing in a neat, NOT crumpled pile, NOT heap, on the floor.
And I calmly crawled into bed, and went to sleep.
Of course, two hours later, when Voldemort and Sad E Lite were finished making love, Voldemort came to bed.
And discovered his clothing on the floor.
And went ballistic.
“What the fuck? Jayne, what the fuck!?!? You’re fucking nuts! What the hell—“
“Oh, come on honey,” I responded, sleepily, yet slyly, “ Quitcherbitchin! It’s really no big f-ing deal, right?”
Hmmm, I can hear you saying, “What kind of visual lesson, APj?”
Not that kind of visual, you dirtyminded Rogues. Hmmm, let me think……Okay! Got it!
THE CLOSET LESSON
“What the hell happened in the bedroom!?!?!?!?” I screamed down the hall to Mike, aka Voldemort.
“Huh?” came the answer from the living room couch. Well, not actually from the couch; more from the lump-of-possibly-human-flesh on said couch. I say “possibly” because there was this new hunk of metal that appeared permanently melded to his hand, pointing towards the TV, and I didn’t remember my husband as having anything firm, hard, metal or hunky in his hand…..for a loooonnnng time.
“What happened in the bedroom!?!?!?” I repeated, “It looks like a bomb exploded on my side of the closet – blowing all my clothes out!”
“Oh, quit having a cow! I got satellite TV, and they had to get into the attic to hook it up. Look at all these channels we can ge….” and the voice trailed off as his eyes glazed over. I started to ask again, but could tell that he was captured in the thrail of her web.
But meanwhile, back at the ranch – or actually, back in my bombed bedroom: every stitch of clothing I owned was crumpled in a heap on the floor. In his hurry to bond with his new lover, Sad E. Lite, Voldemort had hurriedly removed my clothes for easy access, and discarded them on the floor.
“Honey! Aren’t you gonna help me put this back? I mean, come on! I’ve been working all da—“
“Jesus H. Christ, Jayne! It’s no big f-ing deal! Quitcherbitchin!”
“No big deal?” I thought to myself, “my clothes are all over the floor, he’s making luv to Sad E Lite in my living room, and it’s no big deal?” I began to hang up the clothes, and with each hanger, I became…well, a little more enraged. –and logic doesn’t coexist with rage very well…….and, well, something kinda snapped.
“No big deal?!?” I muttered aloud. “Humph! I’ll show him no big deal!” I casually strolled to his side of the closet.
I removed his clothing from the closet.
I carefully deposited his clothing in a neat, NOT crumpled pile, NOT heap, on the floor.
And I calmly crawled into bed, and went to sleep.
Of course, two hours later, when Voldemort and Sad E Lite were finished making love, Voldemort came to bed.
And discovered his clothing on the floor.
And went ballistic.
“What the fuck? Jayne, what the fuck!?!? You’re fucking nuts! What the hell—“
“Oh, come on honey,” I responded, sleepily, yet slyly, “ Quitcherbitchin! It’s really no big f-ing deal, right?”
Friday, September 23, 2005
Toot Toot! Awwww, beep beep!
| You Are a Bad Girl |
 You are 30% Good and 70% Bad You're a total bad girl, from your wild hair to tattooed toes. But you're too badass to even care if you're labeled "bad"! |
Bad Girl, Sad Girl, such a dirty bad girl.BeepBeep!
Okay, this is obviously a mistake......just because of some poor choices DECADES AGO, I'm forever labeled a "bad girl?" Geez! I don't even have a tattoo.....
Okay, this is all Lelly's fault! she said she was Mango scent - and made me go to a site with quizes. Which is always bad for people like me.
People like me?
Yes.
Hello, my name is APj, and I am a quizaholic.
Hello APj.
Yes, I have been a quizaholic ever since I discovered the Internet. I have discovered my Anime name, my Disney character, and even my bodacious ta-ta's names (Tweedledee and Tweedledum). And now this....
However, some other things I learned from these quizes were that
1. My 80's heartthrob is Scott Baio. Yes, I'll admit it. I, along with Joanie, really did luv Chachi.
2. My "retro girl" identity is 1980's goth girl. Okay, this one is sooooo no. 1980 goth girl was my daughter in the 1990's.
3. My life as a John Cusack movie would be "Say Anything."
Duh! No-shit-sherlock! Any guy willing to stand outside my bedroom window in the rain with a boombox --hey, you had me at, "In Your Eyes...."
4.My scent is Lemon. Which, according to this site, means I'm vivacious, tangy and lively. And one gigantic ball of energy.
liking the whole vivacious thing. tangy's okay too. but come on! do we gotta say "gigantic?"
5. and finally, my "love quote." which, I must say, is a doozy:
"Good kissers are strong men who will have your back. Bad kissers are weak men who will just like to grab your butt."
Okay, my back or my butt -- I thought kisses were on the face?
Boy....a lot has changed since I last dated....
Okay, this is all Lelly's fault! she said she was Mango scent - and made me go to a site with quizes. Which is always bad for people like me.
People like me?
Yes.
Hello, my name is APj, and I am a quizaholic.
Hello APj.
Yes, I have been a quizaholic ever since I discovered the Internet. I have discovered my Anime name, my Disney character, and even my bodacious ta-ta's names (Tweedledee and Tweedledum). And now this....
However, some other things I learned from these quizes were that
1. My 80's heartthrob is Scott Baio. Yes, I'll admit it. I, along with Joanie, really did luv Chachi.
2. My "retro girl" identity is 1980's goth girl. Okay, this one is sooooo no. 1980 goth girl was my daughter in the 1990's.
3. My life as a John Cusack movie would be "Say Anything."
Duh! No-shit-sherlock! Any guy willing to stand outside my bedroom window in the rain with a boombox --hey, you had me at, "In Your Eyes...."
4.My scent is Lemon. Which, according to this site, means I'm vivacious, tangy and lively. And one gigantic ball of energy.
liking the whole vivacious thing. tangy's okay too. but come on! do we gotta say "gigantic?"
5. and finally, my "love quote." which, I must say, is a doozy:
"Good kissers are strong men who will have your back. Bad kissers are weak men who will just like to grab your butt."
Okay, my back or my butt -- I thought kisses were on the face?
Boy....a lot has changed since I last dated....
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
--Just a friendly game of tag....
10 years ago.
“Erynn?”
“Yes, Mummy.”
“Erynn? Do you think you can tell if Mummy stops breathing?”
Yup! Here we go again, with another one of “those” stories: APj in dire straits (future, not the band) and facing possible death. I had not been feeling well: Fever, racing pulse, elevated blood pressure, dizzy. After a few days, I had gone to the doctor, who had run some blood tests. He said I had Graves Disease – a thyroid problem. He told me it could be serious – that I had to get treatment for it – but that he couldn’t do a thing about it for two weeks. I figured, “Bloody hell! Two weeks!?!? Must not be that serious…” And yet, two days and one evening later, there I sat on the couch, asking my then-9-year-old daughter if she would be able to tell if I was dead….
Realizing that I wasn’t being fair to Erynn, and was in fact scaring the shit out of her, I called a neighbor to take me to the Emergency Room. As I was wheeled into the Emergency Room, I flashed
--not that kind of flash, dirty Rogues!
--I flashed my test results. My resting pulse was 140 beats per minute. My blood pressure was 190/110. The doctor said I was lucky that I didn’t have a stroke or heart attack.
Eighteen months of grueling quasi-holistic treatment followed. One of the most unpleasant side effects was a 30 pound weight gain in 45 days. But, on the pleasant side, I now have a fully functional thyroid. No medication or surgery necessary, although my thyroid now operates at a snail’s pace – making weight issues a constant battle.
5 years ago
Easy one! The millennium! I had been working as an assistant Controller for the same company for 17 years, but I had always said, “Someday, I’m going back to school to be a teacher.” Unfortunately, my someday had kept getting delayed – for one reason or the other. But this was the year I turned 40 (Oh lordy, do the math!!!) “Jayne,” I told my self sternly, “This is it. You either go back and get your teaching credential, or you just shut up about the teaching thing!”
Most of you have figured out that -- I JUST CAN’T SHUT UP!!!!!!
So – I went back to school! I received my bachelor’s degree in Business Management (yeah, I know – doesn’t fit with the personality, eh?) and then started the credential program. It took 2 ½ years to do it all – but I did. And yes, I’m very proud of myself, thank you very much.
1 year ago
Okay, I’m gonna tell this story – but ya’ gotta promise to keep it quiet: Ya’ see, I kinda tricked “the boys” down south into throwing me a birthday party…..Remember, I have told you before, I AM very shallow…..
The “whole gang” had got together down south to go see some friend in their show called
She-Haw. Fantastic show, fantastic time, and fanfrickintastic friends. I was bemoaning to Superman Steve the fact that we hardly ever all got together, especially “the boys” – Drew and Ryan.
Side note – Drew and Ryan are very successful businessmen in “the industry” down south, but they have become quite reclusive. Drew just doesn’t like to go out in public anymore.
So Steve and I decided that I would call Ryan and tell him that we wanted to all get together for my birthday and to pick a restaurant that Drew would go to. Of course, Steve and I knew that Drew wouldn’t go, but that maybe, just maybe, Ryan would decide that everyone could come to their place for a drink. Which is what happened. Only Drew elevated “drink event” to “a grand soiree!” Little, and not so little, waiters carrying yummy scrumdillyiscious things to eat. Hot and even hotter cocktail (heh-heh, I said, “cock”)waiters filling glasses with champagne and other alcoholic pleasures. Music in the background. Absolutely the best birthday I’ve had…..to date.
And yes, I do feel guilty about tricking them…..but only a little. SHHHHHH, remember: don’t tell!
yesterday
Kicked my first student out of class today – after he threatened to kick some kid’s ass, and mine too. I told him that I was the last person he wanted to tango with, and sent him marching. His parting remark was, “Well, I wouldn’t want to dance with you anyway.”
That’s just fine Josh—I wouldn’t wanna dance with you either – your sagging pants look like baby diapers.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could’ve said that to him!?!?!?!?
5 songs I know (almost!) all the words to 1)Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Judy Garland. My favorite movie of all time. The song still can make me cry. Many days, I want to fly over the rainbow – ‘cause if birds fly over the rainbow, why then, oh why can’t I?
2) Friday I’m in Love by The Cure. I’ve loved this song since it came out. What’s even more hysterical is that my 20 year old daughter stole my Cure CD and love’s them too.
3) Moonshadow by Cat Stevens. Okay, I discovered this song somewhere around early sr high school. I sang this song while I was pregnant and when I delivered Erynn. It also was Erynn’s lullaby. 4) At Seventeen by Janis Ian. This was MY song in high school! 5) Paradise by the Dashboard Light by Meatloaf. “Ain’t no doubt about it we were doubly blessed. Cause we were barely seventeen and we were barely —we’re gonna go all the way tonight, we’re gonna go all the way tonight, tonight! Stop right there!!!
Need I say more?
5 snacks 1) chocolate 2) Jelly beans 3) something else chocolate 4) chips and salsa, and finally, of course 5)something chocolate.
5 things I do with $100,000,000 1) Setup a college scholarship for normal average people that never qualify for grants, loans, or scholarships of other kinds. 2) Get the fat sucked out of my fat spots, cause dammit I am shallow, so I want to look more shallow!!! 3) Buy a cruise around the world (or something) and take all my friends, and Brad Pitt, on the trip of their/his lifetime. 4) Buy a lifetime supply of airline “fly anywhere” tickets so I could fly to see family and friends anytime I wanted, without having to worry about the money! Finally, I think 5) I’d buy the world a coke, ‘cause it’s the real thing.
5 places I’d run away to 1) Anywhere my Mom is, because even though we run away from home in our youth, it’s where we run to as adults. 2) Fiji, because I’ve been there once, and found it really relaxing and fun. 3) Australia, because I’ve always wanted to go there, and maybe do one of those Outback Adventures. 4) Italy – hey! I saw that movie with Diane Lane – I want a villa, dammit! And 5) England – cause they know how to celebrate my birthday right proper, they do!
5 things I’d never wear: 1) plaid pants. I don’t care how “in vogue” they may become, they look like bad golfer pants. 2) Cowboy boots – nope! And hey, I’ve got horses, and I ride (horses, you dirty boys, horses!), but them boots make my feet look 10 miles long. And they make me walk funny. 3) “Teacher themed clothes” You know, those cute clothes with apples, busses, pencils, etc? Nope, nope, nope. Daughter has orders to shoot to kill if she spots me in inappropriate garb. 4) Red lipstick. Wrong shade for me. 5) Blue eyeshadow. Although, I do remember that electric blue eyeshadow from junior high with much fondness…..
5 favorite TV shows: Okay, but this may switch, depending upon my mood. 1) Alias 2) Lost 3) House 4) Medium 5) NCIS possible replacements include: Prisonbreak, Reunion, Survivor, Amazing Race
5 greatest joys 1) my daughter Erynn has grown into a fantastic young women 2) graduating 2nd in my class in college at the ripe age of 42. 3) my family that always loves and supports me. And they think I can do anything! 4) I have my dream job! 5) my friends seem to accept and luv me, even though I am quite shallow.
5 toys 1) Scrabble 2) my computer 3) my riding lawnmower 4) my razor sharp wit 5) My imagination
5 people I’m tagging Okay, this is so not fair – only because I don’t know all the folks that everyone else seems to, and the people I do know have been tagged or are tagging people I was going to tag (thanks kien). Hmmm, can I pretend to tag Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp? Okay, two down, three to go. Aha! Rules Schmules! I'll just tag 'em anyway!! Okay, that leaves Jade ed, Star Sadie and Vert. Tag! You are so it!
“Erynn?”
“Yes, Mummy.”
“Erynn? Do you think you can tell if Mummy stops breathing?”
Yup! Here we go again, with another one of “those” stories: APj in dire straits (future, not the band) and facing possible death. I had not been feeling well: Fever, racing pulse, elevated blood pressure, dizzy. After a few days, I had gone to the doctor, who had run some blood tests. He said I had Graves Disease – a thyroid problem. He told me it could be serious – that I had to get treatment for it – but that he couldn’t do a thing about it for two weeks. I figured, “Bloody hell! Two weeks!?!? Must not be that serious…” And yet, two days and one evening later, there I sat on the couch, asking my then-9-year-old daughter if she would be able to tell if I was dead….
Realizing that I wasn’t being fair to Erynn, and was in fact scaring the shit out of her, I called a neighbor to take me to the Emergency Room. As I was wheeled into the Emergency Room, I flashed
--not that kind of flash, dirty Rogues!
--I flashed my test results. My resting pulse was 140 beats per minute. My blood pressure was 190/110. The doctor said I was lucky that I didn’t have a stroke or heart attack.
Eighteen months of grueling quasi-holistic treatment followed. One of the most unpleasant side effects was a 30 pound weight gain in 45 days. But, on the pleasant side, I now have a fully functional thyroid. No medication or surgery necessary, although my thyroid now operates at a snail’s pace – making weight issues a constant battle.
5 years ago
Easy one! The millennium! I had been working as an assistant Controller for the same company for 17 years, but I had always said, “Someday, I’m going back to school to be a teacher.” Unfortunately, my someday had kept getting delayed – for one reason or the other. But this was the year I turned 40 (Oh lordy, do the math!!!) “Jayne,” I told my self sternly, “This is it. You either go back and get your teaching credential, or you just shut up about the teaching thing!”
Most of you have figured out that -- I JUST CAN’T SHUT UP!!!!!!
So – I went back to school! I received my bachelor’s degree in Business Management (yeah, I know – doesn’t fit with the personality, eh?) and then started the credential program. It took 2 ½ years to do it all – but I did. And yes, I’m very proud of myself, thank you very much.
1 year ago
Okay, I’m gonna tell this story – but ya’ gotta promise to keep it quiet: Ya’ see, I kinda tricked “the boys” down south into throwing me a birthday party…..Remember, I have told you before, I AM very shallow…..
The “whole gang” had got together down south to go see some friend in their show called
She-Haw. Fantastic show, fantastic time, and fanfrickintastic friends. I was bemoaning to Superman Steve the fact that we hardly ever all got together, especially “the boys” – Drew and Ryan.
Side note – Drew and Ryan are very successful businessmen in “the industry” down south, but they have become quite reclusive. Drew just doesn’t like to go out in public anymore.
So Steve and I decided that I would call Ryan and tell him that we wanted to all get together for my birthday and to pick a restaurant that Drew would go to. Of course, Steve and I knew that Drew wouldn’t go, but that maybe, just maybe, Ryan would decide that everyone could come to their place for a drink. Which is what happened. Only Drew elevated “drink event” to “a grand soiree!” Little, and not so little, waiters carrying yummy scrumdillyiscious things to eat. Hot and even hotter cocktail (heh-heh, I said, “cock”)waiters filling glasses with champagne and other alcoholic pleasures. Music in the background. Absolutely the best birthday I’ve had…..to date.
And yes, I do feel guilty about tricking them…..but only a little. SHHHHHH, remember: don’t tell!
yesterday
Kicked my first student out of class today – after he threatened to kick some kid’s ass, and mine too. I told him that I was the last person he wanted to tango with, and sent him marching. His parting remark was, “Well, I wouldn’t want to dance with you anyway.”
That’s just fine Josh—I wouldn’t wanna dance with you either – your sagging pants look like baby diapers.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could’ve said that to him!?!?!?!?
5 songs I know (almost!) all the words to 1)Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Judy Garland. My favorite movie of all time. The song still can make me cry. Many days, I want to fly over the rainbow – ‘cause if birds fly over the rainbow, why then, oh why can’t I?
2) Friday I’m in Love by The Cure. I’ve loved this song since it came out. What’s even more hysterical is that my 20 year old daughter stole my Cure CD and love’s them too.
3) Moonshadow by Cat Stevens. Okay, I discovered this song somewhere around early sr high school. I sang this song while I was pregnant and when I delivered Erynn. It also was Erynn’s lullaby. 4) At Seventeen by Janis Ian. This was MY song in high school! 5) Paradise by the Dashboard Light by Meatloaf. “Ain’t no doubt about it we were doubly blessed. Cause we were barely seventeen and we were barely —we’re gonna go all the way tonight, we’re gonna go all the way tonight, tonight! Stop right there!!!
Need I say more?
5 snacks 1) chocolate 2) Jelly beans 3) something else chocolate 4) chips and salsa, and finally, of course 5)something chocolate.
5 things I do with $100,000,000 1) Setup a college scholarship for normal average people that never qualify for grants, loans, or scholarships of other kinds. 2) Get the fat sucked out of my fat spots, cause dammit I am shallow, so I want to look more shallow!!! 3) Buy a cruise around the world (or something) and take all my friends, and Brad Pitt, on the trip of their/his lifetime. 4) Buy a lifetime supply of airline “fly anywhere” tickets so I could fly to see family and friends anytime I wanted, without having to worry about the money! Finally, I think 5) I’d buy the world a coke, ‘cause it’s the real thing.
5 places I’d run away to 1) Anywhere my Mom is, because even though we run away from home in our youth, it’s where we run to as adults. 2) Fiji, because I’ve been there once, and found it really relaxing and fun. 3) Australia, because I’ve always wanted to go there, and maybe do one of those Outback Adventures. 4) Italy – hey! I saw that movie with Diane Lane – I want a villa, dammit! And 5) England – cause they know how to celebrate my birthday right proper, they do!
5 things I’d never wear: 1) plaid pants. I don’t care how “in vogue” they may become, they look like bad golfer pants. 2) Cowboy boots – nope! And hey, I’ve got horses, and I ride (horses, you dirty boys, horses!), but them boots make my feet look 10 miles long. And they make me walk funny. 3) “Teacher themed clothes” You know, those cute clothes with apples, busses, pencils, etc? Nope, nope, nope. Daughter has orders to shoot to kill if she spots me in inappropriate garb. 4) Red lipstick. Wrong shade for me. 5) Blue eyeshadow. Although, I do remember that electric blue eyeshadow from junior high with much fondness…..
5 favorite TV shows: Okay, but this may switch, depending upon my mood. 1) Alias 2) Lost 3) House 4) Medium 5) NCIS possible replacements include: Prisonbreak, Reunion, Survivor, Amazing Race
5 greatest joys 1) my daughter Erynn has grown into a fantastic young women 2) graduating 2nd in my class in college at the ripe age of 42. 3) my family that always loves and supports me. And they think I can do anything! 4) I have my dream job! 5) my friends seem to accept and luv me, even though I am quite shallow.
5 toys 1) Scrabble 2) my computer 3) my riding lawnmower 4) my razor sharp wit 5) My imagination
5 people I’m tagging Okay, this is so not fair – only because I don’t know all the folks that everyone else seems to, and the people I do know have been tagged or are tagging people I was going to tag (thanks kien). Hmmm, can I pretend to tag Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp? Okay, two down, three to go. Aha! Rules Schmules! I'll just tag 'em anyway!! Okay, that leaves Jade ed, Star Sadie and Vert. Tag! You are so it!
Friday, September 09, 2005
Letting Baby Sis Rant
I wouldn't normally do this, and she doesn't know it (yet), but I'm posting an email and letter I got from lil sis, JoJo. A Good Rant:
From Jojo:
This is a very interesting article. I hope you get some back ground info onBush's environmental incompetence, not to mention his lack of compassion forpeople in poverty. The politicians have all but written off the poor, theyhave given lip service to being "compassionate conservatives" and stillmanaged to pass tax cuts to the rich and big businesses. Everyone needs towake up and smell the coffee, neo-conservatives need to be voted out in thenext elections. Elect people that have the common sense and the back bone tohelp all the people of the U.S., by standing up to big bussiness and therich.All levels of our government have failed and in the after-math of Katrina weshould all be more active in our political process. The lack of clearleadership after the hurricane and the lack of funding from the Feds toFEMA, the Corps of Engineers and to the States before the hurricane havecaused this disater before it even happened. Look at the 'timeline' it showsthat people were not thinking of the worst case senerio that just happenedto happen on the Bush admin's watch and catching them with their pants down.Jojo>
"No One Can Say they Didn't See it Coming"
By Sidney Blumenthal
In 2001, FEMA warned that a hurricane striking New Orleans was one of the three most likely disasters in the U.S. But the Bush administration cut New Orleans flood control funding by 44 percent to pay for the Iraq war.
Biblical in its uncontrolled rage and scope, Hurricane Katrina has left millions of Americans to scavenge for food and shelter and hundreds to thousands reportedly dead. With its main levee broken, the evacuated city of New Orleans has become part of the Gulf of Mexico. But the damage wrought by the hurricane may not entirely be the result of an act of nature.
A year ago the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers proposed to study how New Orleans could be protected from a catastrophic hurricane, but the Bush administration ordered that the research not be undertaken. After a flood killed six people in 1995, Congress created the Southeast Louisiana Urban Flood Control Project, in which the Corps of Engineers strengthened and renovated levees and pumping stations. In early 2001, the Federal Emergency Management Agency issued a report stating that a hurricane striking New Orleans was one of the three most likely disasters in the U.S., including a terrorist attack on New York City. But by 2003 the federal funding for the flood control project essentially dried up as it was drained into the Iraq war. In 2004, the Bush administration cut funding requested by the New Orleans district of the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers for holding back the waters of Lake Pontchartrain by more than 80 percent. Additional cuts at the beginning of this year (for a total reduction in funding of 44.2 percent since 2001) forced the New Orleans district of the Corps to impose a hiring freeze. The Senate had debated adding funds for fixing New Orleans' levees, but it was too late.
The New Orleans Times-Picayune, which before the hurricanepublished a series on the federal funding problem, and whose presses are nowunderwater, reported online: "No one can say they didn't see it coming ... Now in the wake of one of the worst storms ever, serious questions are being asked about the lack of preparation."
The Bush administration's policy of turning over wetlands to developers almost certainly also contributed to the heightened level of the storm surge. In 1990, a federal task force began restoring lost wetlands surrounding New Orleans. Every two miles of wetland between the Crescent City and the Gulf reduces a surge by half a foot. Bush had promised "no net loss" of wetlands, a policy launched by his father's administration and bolstered by President Clinton. But he reversed his approach in 2003, unleashing the developers. The Army Corps of Engineers and the Environmental Protection Agency then announced they could no longer protect wetlands unless they were somehow related to interstate commerce.
In response to this potential crisis, four leading environmental groups conducted a joint expert study, concluding in 2004 that without wetlands protection New Orleans could be devastated by an ordinary, much less a Category 4 or 5, hurricane. "There's no way to describe how mindless a policy that is when it comes to wetlands protection," said one of the report's authors. The chairman of the White House's Council on Environmental Quality dismissed the study as "highly questionable," and boasted, "Everybody loves what we're doing."
"My administration's climate change policy will be science based," President Bush declared in June 2001. But in 2002, when the Environmental Protection Agency submitted a study on global warming to the United Nations reflecting its expert research, Bush derided it as "a report put out by a bureaucracy," and excised the climate change assessment from the agency's annual report. The next year, when the EPA issued its first comprehensive "Report on the Environment," stating, "Climate change has global consequences for human health and the environment," the White House simply demanded removal of the line and all similar conclusions. At the G-8 meeting in Scotland this year, Bush successfully stymied any common action on global warming. Scientists, meanwhile, have continued to accumulate impressive data on the rising temperature of the oceans, which has produced more severe hurricanes.
In February 2004, 60 of the nation's leading scientists, including20 Nobel laureates, warned in a statement, "Restoring Scientific Integrity in Policymaking": "Successful application of science has played a large part in the policies that have made the United States of America the world's most powerful nation and its citizens increasingly prosperous and healthy... Indeed, this principle has long been adhered to by presidents and administrations of both parties in forming and implementing policies. The administration of George W. Bush has, however, disregarded this principle... The distortion of scientific knowledge for partisan political ends must cease." Bush completely ignored this statement.
In the two weeks preceding the storm in the Gulf, the trumping of science by ideology and expertise by special interests accelerated. The Federal Drug Administration announced that it was postponing sale of the morning-after contraceptive pill, despite overwhelming scientific evidence of its safety and its approval by the FDA's scientific advisory board. The United Nations special envoy for HIV/AIDS in Africa accused the Bush administration of responsibility for a condom shortage in Uganda -- the result of the administration's evangelical Christian agenda of "abstinence." When the chief of the Bureau of Justice Statistics in the Justice Department was ordered by the White House to delete its study that African-Americans and other minorities are subject to racial profiling in police traffic stops and he refused to buckle under, he was forced out of his job. When the Army Corps of Engineers' chief contracting oversight analyst objected to a $7 billion no-bid contract awarded for work in Iraq to Halliburton (the firm at which Vice President Cheney was formerly CEO), she was demoted despite her superior professional ratings. At the National Park Service, a former Cheney aide, a political appointee lacking professional background, drew up a plan to overturn past environmental practices and prohibit any mention of evolution while allowing sale of religious materials through the Park Service.
On the day the levees burst in New Orleans, Bush delivered a speech in Colorado comparing the Iraq war to World War II and himself to Franklin D. Roosevelt: "And he knew that the best way to bring peace and stability to the region was by bringing freedom to Japan." Bush had boarded his very own "Streetcar Named Desire."
Sidney Blumenthal, a former assistant and senior advisor to President Clinton and the author of "The Clinton Wars," is writing a column for Salon and the Guardian of London.
Hmmmmm.....Hey SSM! Maybe you should meet my lil sis.
From Jojo:
This is a very interesting article. I hope you get some back ground info onBush's environmental incompetence, not to mention his lack of compassion forpeople in poverty. The politicians have all but written off the poor, theyhave given lip service to being "compassionate conservatives" and stillmanaged to pass tax cuts to the rich and big businesses. Everyone needs towake up and smell the coffee, neo-conservatives need to be voted out in thenext elections. Elect people that have the common sense and the back bone tohelp all the people of the U.S., by standing up to big bussiness and therich.All levels of our government have failed and in the after-math of Katrina weshould all be more active in our political process. The lack of clearleadership after the hurricane and the lack of funding from the Feds toFEMA, the Corps of Engineers and to the States before the hurricane havecaused this disater before it even happened. Look at the 'timeline' it showsthat people were not thinking of the worst case senerio that just happenedto happen on the Bush admin's watch and catching them with their pants down.Jojo>
"No One Can Say they Didn't See it Coming"
By Sidney Blumenthal
In 2001, FEMA warned that a hurricane striking New Orleans was one of the three most likely disasters in the U.S. But the Bush administration cut New Orleans flood control funding by 44 percent to pay for the Iraq war.
Biblical in its uncontrolled rage and scope, Hurricane Katrina has left millions of Americans to scavenge for food and shelter and hundreds to thousands reportedly dead. With its main levee broken, the evacuated city of New Orleans has become part of the Gulf of Mexico. But the damage wrought by the hurricane may not entirely be the result of an act of nature.
A year ago the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers proposed to study how New Orleans could be protected from a catastrophic hurricane, but the Bush administration ordered that the research not be undertaken. After a flood killed six people in 1995, Congress created the Southeast Louisiana Urban Flood Control Project, in which the Corps of Engineers strengthened and renovated levees and pumping stations. In early 2001, the Federal Emergency Management Agency issued a report stating that a hurricane striking New Orleans was one of the three most likely disasters in the U.S., including a terrorist attack on New York City. But by 2003 the federal funding for the flood control project essentially dried up as it was drained into the Iraq war. In 2004, the Bush administration cut funding requested by the New Orleans district of the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers for holding back the waters of Lake Pontchartrain by more than 80 percent. Additional cuts at the beginning of this year (for a total reduction in funding of 44.2 percent since 2001) forced the New Orleans district of the Corps to impose a hiring freeze. The Senate had debated adding funds for fixing New Orleans' levees, but it was too late.
The New Orleans Times-Picayune, which before the hurricanepublished a series on the federal funding problem, and whose presses are nowunderwater, reported online: "No one can say they didn't see it coming ... Now in the wake of one of the worst storms ever, serious questions are being asked about the lack of preparation."
The Bush administration's policy of turning over wetlands to developers almost certainly also contributed to the heightened level of the storm surge. In 1990, a federal task force began restoring lost wetlands surrounding New Orleans. Every two miles of wetland between the Crescent City and the Gulf reduces a surge by half a foot. Bush had promised "no net loss" of wetlands, a policy launched by his father's administration and bolstered by President Clinton. But he reversed his approach in 2003, unleashing the developers. The Army Corps of Engineers and the Environmental Protection Agency then announced they could no longer protect wetlands unless they were somehow related to interstate commerce.
In response to this potential crisis, four leading environmental groups conducted a joint expert study, concluding in 2004 that without wetlands protection New Orleans could be devastated by an ordinary, much less a Category 4 or 5, hurricane. "There's no way to describe how mindless a policy that is when it comes to wetlands protection," said one of the report's authors. The chairman of the White House's Council on Environmental Quality dismissed the study as "highly questionable," and boasted, "Everybody loves what we're doing."
"My administration's climate change policy will be science based," President Bush declared in June 2001. But in 2002, when the Environmental Protection Agency submitted a study on global warming to the United Nations reflecting its expert research, Bush derided it as "a report put out by a bureaucracy," and excised the climate change assessment from the agency's annual report. The next year, when the EPA issued its first comprehensive "Report on the Environment," stating, "Climate change has global consequences for human health and the environment," the White House simply demanded removal of the line and all similar conclusions. At the G-8 meeting in Scotland this year, Bush successfully stymied any common action on global warming. Scientists, meanwhile, have continued to accumulate impressive data on the rising temperature of the oceans, which has produced more severe hurricanes.
In February 2004, 60 of the nation's leading scientists, including20 Nobel laureates, warned in a statement, "Restoring Scientific Integrity in Policymaking": "Successful application of science has played a large part in the policies that have made the United States of America the world's most powerful nation and its citizens increasingly prosperous and healthy... Indeed, this principle has long been adhered to by presidents and administrations of both parties in forming and implementing policies. The administration of George W. Bush has, however, disregarded this principle... The distortion of scientific knowledge for partisan political ends must cease." Bush completely ignored this statement.
In the two weeks preceding the storm in the Gulf, the trumping of science by ideology and expertise by special interests accelerated. The Federal Drug Administration announced that it was postponing sale of the morning-after contraceptive pill, despite overwhelming scientific evidence of its safety and its approval by the FDA's scientific advisory board. The United Nations special envoy for HIV/AIDS in Africa accused the Bush administration of responsibility for a condom shortage in Uganda -- the result of the administration's evangelical Christian agenda of "abstinence." When the chief of the Bureau of Justice Statistics in the Justice Department was ordered by the White House to delete its study that African-Americans and other minorities are subject to racial profiling in police traffic stops and he refused to buckle under, he was forced out of his job. When the Army Corps of Engineers' chief contracting oversight analyst objected to a $7 billion no-bid contract awarded for work in Iraq to Halliburton (the firm at which Vice President Cheney was formerly CEO), she was demoted despite her superior professional ratings. At the National Park Service, a former Cheney aide, a political appointee lacking professional background, drew up a plan to overturn past environmental practices and prohibit any mention of evolution while allowing sale of religious materials through the Park Service.
On the day the levees burst in New Orleans, Bush delivered a speech in Colorado comparing the Iraq war to World War II and himself to Franklin D. Roosevelt: "And he knew that the best way to bring peace and stability to the region was by bringing freedom to Japan." Bush had boarded his very own "Streetcar Named Desire."
Sidney Blumenthal, a former assistant and senior advisor to President Clinton and the author of "The Clinton Wars," is writing a column for Salon and the Guardian of London.
Hmmmmm.....Hey SSM! Maybe you should meet my lil sis.
Monday, September 05, 2005
Are You Down with O.P.P.?????
A recent post on Lelly 's site showed what could possibly be one of my worst nightmare’s come true –
--no, not the one where I actually get the chance to meet Brad Pitt in person and as soon as I shake his hand all my teeth fall out
--I mean my potty nightmares.
Ah yes, I can see you scratching your head, “Potty nightmares? APj has nightmares about toilets?”
No, not about toilets….more about the lack of them.
You see, I have potty issues, primarily:
1. Have trouble going on OPP. No, you nasty Rogue’s, not “that” OPP, for me it means Other People’s Potty’s.
2. Can’t do certain potty things on toilet other than my own.
This of course, has worked its way into my subconscious mind, and into my dream world. I don’t want to tell you how many dream interpretation books I’ve bought trying to figure this potty thing out. Perhaps one of you can help. Here’s some of my
Prevalent Potty Predicaments:
Dream #1
I am cleaning my house. I decided to make it a very thorough cleaning, and I’m taking everything out of the closet.
“Heyyyy….I don’t remember this door here….what the fu--?”
I open this forgotten door in the back of my closet, to find a forgotten bathroom. It is amazing! It has a separate dressing area, a vanity, toilet, sink, tub and separate shower. It is a beautiful room – but it is covered in mold, dirt, and scum because of non-use. I get the cleanser and start scrubbing, but when I turn on the faucet, brown water and spiders come out. But I’m determined to reclaim this room. “How could I have forgotten a room as lovely as this?”
Dream #2
I am refinishing my bathroom. It is a wonderful bathroom, with a flush toilet, sunken tub and roman sink. There are trees planted around the tub, and birds perch above and sing. Of course, it will now be perfect, since I am building four foot fence across the front, so that no one will be able to see me when I sit down for a pee. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you: the bathroom is located in the breezeway next to my house.
YIKES!!!!!!!
Dream #3
I have to pee. I have to pee so bad, but there is no toilet in my house. “I know!” I think to myself, “I’ll go over to _______________ (insert Linda, Edwina, Steve, Donna, Mom, Cindy, BeeBop-a-Loo-Loo) ‘s house and use their Loo.”
On the way to ___________________(insert name from above) ‘s house, I am delayed by looting robbers, crying children, flying aliens (that one was very interesting), Brad Pitt (that one would have been very enjoyable, but please remember, I had to pee), or just plain faulty memory: “where was I going?” “Hmmm, there was somewhere I was heading that was important….damn, I gotta pee….Oh yeah! That’s where I was going!”
I finally arrive at _______________________(okay, you should get this by now: insert name, yada-yada…) ‘s house, only to find a line for the toilet – or a cue for the Loo. So I wait….and I wait. “Finally!” I sigh, after waiting for minutes/hours/days (hey, depends on the dream). I step into the bathroom, to find
1. The door won’t close
2. There is no door
3. There is a man standing in the bathtub watching me (that one was very strange)
4. The person that used the Loo before me has taken the toilet.
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, so there you have it: APj has potty issues. Please keep this in mind when I come to visit……
Saturday, August 20, 2005
I'm Looking for a Hero!!!!
I remember the first time I saw the movie “Superman” with Christopher Reeves. I sat at the drive-in movie and watched Superman leap in the air, one arm raised high, and one leg bent at the knee.
“Silly Superman! That’s not how you do it!” I scolded.
“Whaddya mean, Jayne? Heh-heh, like you’ve ever flown before” retorted Chris.
“Of course I’ve flown!!! In my dreams, dummy! It’s simple: ya’ take three steps forward, one step back, and jump!”
“Sweeeeetttt. Dude, whatever you’re smoking, pass it to me.”
“Chris, are you telling me you’ve never flown in your dreams?”
“That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.”
I grew up thinking that everybody flew in their dreams. I mean, everybody in my family flew in their dreams. I had my clever three-two-jump, as opposed to a one-two step, method. My baby brother, Jason, flew by accident. He said he would dream that he was just walking along, maybe trip or lose his balance, and as he would try to catch himself, he would find himself airborne. He would then “swim” through the air. We had all lost hope that sister Julie would ever fly – but it finally happened when she was in college. Hey, what can I say? She was a late bloomer in most of the things she did in life….hell, she didn’t talk a all until she was almost three!
But my sister Joanne had the best flying stuff. See, Jo could fly in outerspace. Jo flew to other planets rescuing people and fighting evil. Jo was a hero. I remember sitting at the dinner table one evening discussing all of our flying dreams:
Jayne: So Jo, you can fly in outer space?
Jo: Yep.
Jeff: How do you breathe?
Jo: Don’t need to.
John: How come? Do your lungs change or something?
Jo: Don’t know. Just don’t need to breathe, that’s all.
Jayne: And you’re a hero?
Julie: That sounds silly: Jo the hero.
Jo: That’s not my name in my dreams.
John: Ya’ mean you got a different name in your dreams?
Jo: Yep.
Jayne: Well, what is it?
Jo. Fighter JoJo, Intergalactic Space Warrior.
I kid you not – this was sometime around the early/mid 70’s, and my kidsister is known to other galaxies as an Intergalactic Space Warrior. Fighter Jojo, no less. I was jealous. I wanted a hero name. I still want a hero name! I mean, Airplane Jayne is a cool nickname – the coolest! But a hero name…..
And so today – EUREKA! The Internet Gods smiled upon me – and led me to the
Super Action Hero Name Generator. So, in my next action hero novel that I will write, I shall be known as either Flame Gilder or Wind Pirate
WHO ARE YOU?
“Silly Superman! That’s not how you do it!” I scolded.
“Whaddya mean, Jayne? Heh-heh, like you’ve ever flown before” retorted Chris.
“Of course I’ve flown!!! In my dreams, dummy! It’s simple: ya’ take three steps forward, one step back, and jump!”
“Sweeeeetttt. Dude, whatever you’re smoking, pass it to me.”
“Chris, are you telling me you’ve never flown in your dreams?”
“That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.”
I grew up thinking that everybody flew in their dreams. I mean, everybody in my family flew in their dreams. I had my clever three-two-jump, as opposed to a one-two step, method. My baby brother, Jason, flew by accident. He said he would dream that he was just walking along, maybe trip or lose his balance, and as he would try to catch himself, he would find himself airborne. He would then “swim” through the air. We had all lost hope that sister Julie would ever fly – but it finally happened when she was in college. Hey, what can I say? She was a late bloomer in most of the things she did in life….hell, she didn’t talk a all until she was almost three!
But my sister Joanne had the best flying stuff. See, Jo could fly in outerspace. Jo flew to other planets rescuing people and fighting evil. Jo was a hero. I remember sitting at the dinner table one evening discussing all of our flying dreams:
Jayne: So Jo, you can fly in outer space?
Jo: Yep.
Jeff: How do you breathe?
Jo: Don’t need to.
John: How come? Do your lungs change or something?
Jo: Don’t know. Just don’t need to breathe, that’s all.
Jayne: And you’re a hero?
Julie: That sounds silly: Jo the hero.
Jo: That’s not my name in my dreams.
John: Ya’ mean you got a different name in your dreams?
Jo: Yep.
Jayne: Well, what is it?
Jo. Fighter JoJo, Intergalactic Space Warrior.
I kid you not – this was sometime around the early/mid 70’s, and my kidsister is known to other galaxies as an Intergalactic Space Warrior. Fighter Jojo, no less. I was jealous. I wanted a hero name. I still want a hero name! I mean, Airplane Jayne is a cool nickname – the coolest! But a hero name…..
And so today – EUREKA! The Internet Gods smiled upon me – and led me to the
Super Action Hero Name Generator. So, in my next action hero novel that I will write, I shall be known as either Flame Gilder or Wind Pirate
WHO ARE YOU?
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Ta-Dah!!
Okay, sweetie darlings.....I went to the Doctor (the nice, but not so cute one) this morning. He told me that my lump was just-a-lump-and-not-the-"C"-thing. So woo-hoo!
And he told me he could tell by looking down my throat that I had been a very good....and very quiet girl.....
Please stop laughing....it's still not funny!
And he told me that I could start talking a little bit. But I fear that may be like an alcoholic having a little glass of wine. But I am trying to not talk too much......
My love and thanks to ya'll (even those of you who relished telling me, "shaddup!") for all the good thoughts, vibes and prayers.
And he told me he could tell by looking down my throat that I had been a very good....and very quiet girl.....
Please stop laughing....it's still not funny!
And he told me that I could start talking a little bit. But I fear that may be like an alcoholic having a little glass of wine. But I am trying to not talk too much......
My love and thanks to ya'll (even those of you who relished telling me, "shaddup!") for all the good thoughts, vibes and prayers.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
Driving through Life
"Most of the conflicts in the world have been perpetuated on the delusion that God needs help."
Lecram made the above statement in a recent post, and posed the following question:
How would I craft that?
Well, I would set the scene in a car! It is, after all, where we American's spend most of our time. Here's how the dialogue would go:
“Ya know, it’s faster if you take the freeway.”
“Sometimes fast isn’t the only factor. Sometimes, my son—“
“Hey! You’re driving on the shoulder! What’s wrong—Wow! Did ya’ see that car cross the middle line?! Geez we could’ve been hurt. So,dude, whatd’ya’ say yer name was?
“ My name? Son, have you forgotten my name so soon? My name is—“
“Hey! Whatza matter wit’ ya’ now! Quit driving in the middle of the ro--. Holy shit! I didn’t see that car stalled on the side of the road. Sorry….what were we talking about? (pause) Oh yeah! Dude! I ‘preciate the ride and all, but how far are ya’ going?”
“Son, I can take you as far as you are going. All I ask is that you let me drive.”
“That’s cool, man. I’ll let ya’ drive. I ‘m a cool passenger, dude--err–sorry, what’s your name, again?”
“Son – my name is—“
“Dude! Why’re ya’ stopping? We’re on the freeway! Ya need to move! (pause) Dude! (pause) Man!”
“Son….you must trust me—“
“Dude, I ain’t yer son, and why should I trus--. Sonofabitch! Didya see that! Holyshit! That truck just jackknifed in front of us! Dude, you must have good eyes to have seen that coming. Sorry I yelled at you ‘bout stopping, dude. –Whatdya say your name is?”
Lecram made the above statement in a recent post, and posed the following question:
How would I craft that?
Well, I would set the scene in a car! It is, after all, where we American's spend most of our time. Here's how the dialogue would go:
“Ya know, it’s faster if you take the freeway.”
“Sometimes fast isn’t the only factor. Sometimes, my son—“
“Hey! You’re driving on the shoulder! What’s wrong—Wow! Did ya’ see that car cross the middle line?! Geez we could’ve been hurt. So,dude, whatd’ya’ say yer name was?
“ My name? Son, have you forgotten my name so soon? My name is—“
“Hey! Whatza matter wit’ ya’ now! Quit driving in the middle of the ro--. Holy shit! I didn’t see that car stalled on the side of the road. Sorry….what were we talking about? (pause) Oh yeah! Dude! I ‘preciate the ride and all, but how far are ya’ going?”
“Son, I can take you as far as you are going. All I ask is that you let me drive.”
“That’s cool, man. I’ll let ya’ drive. I ‘m a cool passenger, dude--err–sorry, what’s your name, again?”
“Son – my name is—“
“Dude! Why’re ya’ stopping? We’re on the freeway! Ya need to move! (pause) Dude! (pause) Man!”
“Son….you must trust me—“
“Dude, I ain’t yer son, and why should I trus--. Sonofabitch! Didya see that! Holyshit! That truck just jackknifed in front of us! Dude, you must have good eyes to have seen that coming. Sorry I yelled at you ‘bout stopping, dude. –Whatdya say your name is?”
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