Wednesday, October 04, 2006

First stage kiss......

A teacher/friend of mine is currently double understudy(ing) a local musical--which got a small group of us waxing nostalgic about our different "firsts" onstage. (Dirty rogues, offstage firsts are for a different post)

My first stage kiss was my sophmore year in high school. Somehow, I beat out all the senior theatre girls for the lead in "An Inspector Calls." I was so excited! My first real play -- and I got the lead! And the male lead was kinda cute -- Paul Somethingorother. Cute, and a bit strange -- but hey! aren't all theatre folk kinda strange and roguish?

I read through the script and discover -- egads! I've got to kiss this guy.
::and Jimi echoes, " 'Scuse me, while I kiss the sky!" ::
guitar whines :: dar-dar-dar dar-dar-dar... ::

deep breath....count to ten. Okay. Please remember, my only real kiss to date had been with that guitar-playing rogue who had dubbed me "Little Fox." Certainly that was not the kiss expected!?!?!? I called a friend who had done some theatre in the past:

Me: Kenny! I got the lead!
Kenny: Cool
Me: I gotta kiss some guy on the stage
Kenny: Cool
Me: I don't know how to do a stage kiss
Kenny: Not cool. Need help?
Me: Yeah. Can you come over and help me?
Kenny: Cool.

okay, yeah-yeah-- THAT one I KNEW was hitting on me -- I wasn't quite so naive then.

So Kenny came over and we -- ahem -- rehearsed. alot. It took a number of tries, but he said I finally had it right. So off I went to school -- for the real rehearsal.

I'm doing my scene -- hitting my marks and lines, and just basically being fanfrickingtastic (I was much more confident then too) and "THE KISS" is coming up:
Paul has just proposed and offered me a gigantic ring. Mummy and Daddy are beaming proudly. Tears come to my eyes as I wrap my arms around Paul and move in for 'THE KISS"

--and am engulfed in the putrid smell of sauerkraut.

"Omigawd!" I frantically thought to myself, "Did I fart? Did he fart? Where is that smell com--"
"Darling," Paul says,
--and it is immediately clear that no one farted. Something or possibly someone has died in Paul's mouth.

"Sweetheart," I respond, pulling away and to the left. Reeling, I somehow find the courage and fortitude to finish the scene.

"Okay!" enthuses the director, "That was pretty good -- especially for the first run-through of that scene. Paul, you need to pull Jayne in close....blah-blah-blah, yada-yada.....

--oh and Jayne? You were a bit quick on the kiss. Try holding for 15 seconds."

I did the play. It was amazing. I was more than terrific. I held that fricking kiss with the Manwhoswalloweddeadshit for 15 seconds.


scarysquirrelman said...

okay, that was pretty damn funny. and what is it about actors who show no courtesy to those about to be kissed (i mean, onstage)? eat a damn altoid!!!

KFarmer said...

I almost gagged for you- you dear one are a true in the blue die hard- my denta floss and toothbrush off to you :)

lime said...

you are quite the trooper! sauerkraut makes me wanna hurl. of course hurling in paul
's mouth would have REALLY ruined the scene!

lecram sinun said...

LOL! Too funny! And NO... not all theatre people are strange and rougish. All theatre people are strange... the few who become rogues are the ones who actually make things happen.

airplanejayne said...

SSM - by the time I was in college I discovered altoids....and their many uses....

k - yup! I was a supertrooper!

lime - hurling was never far from my mind. I think I did a few of those deep burpee things.

lecram -- spoken like the true Rogue you are....

thereminman said...

I think people are making up interesting stories just to hide links in them. You know. Like links to the Rogue Fest applications.
(yargh, had to be sauerkraut though, eh? now, if it'd been sauerbratten, I coulda maybe held it for 20 seconds)