Saturday, March 31, 2007

Another goofy quiz evening.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

I, being a horse-0wner know the purpose of a bridle: a bridle is used to guide and gently suggest (and...not so gently for the more stubborn mount) a better course of action or direction.

So.....translated into human-speak: I wanna man who doesn't like to be told where to go (and doesn't need a map), doesn't have footprints on his backside, and isn't tied down. Duh.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

Huh? Sorry....I was still at the store from talking about mounts and maps.... But yes, it's true: Creativity and non-boredom are good -- especially when dealing with my A.D.D.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

I am optifrickingmistic! And happy!?!?!? I'll show you happy...

Hey....what a minute. You said "my lover." where is he!?!?!? How come I didn't know about him? What's he look like?

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Not true. I seem to be drawn to emotional moody wrecks that are never happy.

err....not that I'm complaining. :)

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Yes -- it's true. I'm not interested in fleeting. I'm not interested in lukewarm. And, yes, I am really not interested in Mr. Right Now. Unfortunately, I don't know as to whether or not Mr. Forever exists....

::sigh:: Ahh.....the perils and travails of the Romantic Cynic....

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

Cheating is a definite buzz-killer.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

Yup. Despite what I say, and my own experiences, I still believe in marriage. And little baby ducks, old pickup trucks. and love.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

Or when both are committed. a relationship way -- not the institutional way....

Your Life Path Number is 5
What the heck is a life path number!?!?!?!

Your purpose in life is to life freely and collect experiences.

Life free!??!?

Perhaps they mean live free?

Collect experiences!?!?!?


"Hello. I'm Jayne. Have you any experiences you'd like to give me? I'm life freely....

You love life - new adventures, new people, new ideas.

Yes....I love anything new. "I wanna new drug. One that won't make sick...."

You are very curious, and you crave novelty in all forms.

So....totally off the subject.....but I'm curious: why do they call ice cream treats "novelties" Geez....I'd sure like a bomb-pop right now....

You tend to make friends easily, and you enjoy the company of all types of people.

I have many different types of friends from the many different circles of my life. One of the interesting things I noticed is that, regardless of the circle, I am always the strange one! In my "artsy" circle, I'm the normal one. In the "normal" circle, I'm the artsy one....

In love, you are fun and even a bit intoxicating. But you won't
stick around for long.

Obviously the "PATH" folks and the "KEY" folks don't meld together! Key says I'm looking for commitment and devotion. Unless...unless....perhaps it really DID mean committed the other way.....

You are impulsive and spontaneous - which sometimes leads you to do things you regret.

I am spontaneous -- but only when I know I have the time for it......

No regrets. Oh yeah, I do occasionally wish I'd done something(s) regrets.

Sometimes you can be overindulgent with food, sex, or drugs.

what about rock and roll!?!?!? Don't they all go together?

You have many talents, so many that you are often scattered and unfocused.

Wrong -- I am so focused.....unless, of course, I don't have my contacts in.....

hey! how 'bout that bomb-pop?

thanks to Joy for getting me going on this one.....
Adios amigos! Yo trabajo en Mexico.
(I think that's "Goodbye friends! I work in Mexico." or close enough!)

Friday, March 30, 2007

Cowboy UP!!!!


I, and 13 of my closest friends leave for Mexico in the morning...

::girls gone wild::

::upside-down tequila shots::

::underage boys and girls::

No....not that kind of Spring Break, except for the last one. I am chaperoning my youth group on a trip to Mexico to build a house.

Yes, I've done this before.

No, I've never been arrested.

Yes, I will post pictures when I get back...

But I thought I would leave you with a joke.....

The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy (err...or is that kowboi?) coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"

The Cowboy says, "Well, it's like this, Sheriff ... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head tells me, "Come on out ta mah mowtah home."
So I did.
We go inside the motorhome....and she pulls off her top!
She looked at me with them blue eyes, and said, "Now, Ah whant ya'll ta' take off yah shirt."
so I did.
Sheriff....then she pulls off her skirt! I swear!!! And, and, she sat on the edge of the bed....and looked at me with them there pouty lips and said, "Ah whant yah to pull them trousers off..."
So I did.
Lordy, lordy, then she pulls off her undies, lies back on the bed and and whispered, "Now darlin'.....take off YOUR drawers..."
So I did.
Then....she lifted her head off the pillow.....looks me straight in the eye.....looks to the ceilingg...looks me in the eye.....and yells, "Now go to town, Cowboy!"
.And here I am....
Son of a Gun….
Blonde Men do exist!!
See ya'll when Ah return!!

Monday, March 26, 2007

Josh Verdes- Original-

...stumbled upon this song while perusing youtube.
Home is such an important part of me: I'm lucky to have two: my little slice-of-heaven-ranchette, and Nebraska - where my folks are. As long as I have threads back to those places, I feel free enough to fly.

so if you're feeling homesick, borrow this song. and if you're still ill...well, in the words of Mr. Wizard,
"razzle dazzle dazzle dome, time for this one to come home"

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

I Am From...

Okay....everyone has done this... but I have stolen it from Lime and Cosima. Of course, I made a few changes....cause, after all, "rules-schmules." But I'm happy with the end result -- I think it's a good reflection of me.

I am from salt, ordinary and plain.
Like Morton’s girl, always prepared for rain,
From laughing, sunny Kool-aid days
To tragi-comedic Shakespearean plays.

But I’m from simple salt, ordinary and plain.

I am from the Midwest,
Common-sense stained,
From Cornfields wind-dancing
Seeming classically trained.

Ah…I am from seasoned salt, ordinary and plain.

I am from Sunflowers, seeds and all,
Ever striving….ever tall.
And iris and crocus
Fighting winter’s chill to be
The new Spring focus.

Yet still, I am from salt, ordinary and plain.

I am from peeking at packages
(And feigning surprise),
spiders in boxes
from (clever foxes) Dad, Mom and John
for me, Lady Jayne.

Hah! Challenge me not!
for although I am salt, ordinary and plain

I am also from fists that fly to defend, and hands that hold and heal hurt.
From “a thousand times no” songs to
“I can’t let you go…..but I will.”

I am tear-stained salt, ordinary and plain.

I am from a Man who died on a cross for me, and a God who will always run to pick me up when I fall.

Embarrassed, yet (somehow) proud, to be from salt, ordinary and plain.

I am from Oz and Kansas, and every Military base between
From fruit loops, air sandwiches, and chocolate ice cream.

Yes, even though salt I am, ordinary and plain

I am from stock that is truly unique. From my brother who rose above addiction and shame and whose song makes the angels weep. From my sister whose love took us halfway around the world to bring my niece home to sleep.

I am salt, perhaps not so ordinary and plain.

How could I be?

When I am Airplane Jayne?

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Tommy Emmanuel - Somewhere Over the Rainbow

If happy, little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why, can’t I?

I love this movie. I always have. I remember discovering the whole “Technicolor” thing
--hey, MY mom refused “to buy a color TV until the old one breaks” - so we didn’t get one til I was in high school!

-technicolor thing, and having to go to the neighbors to watch it each year. I remember “discovering” that the Hunk, Zeke and Hickory were also the Scarecrow, Lion, and Tin Man…..and not wanting to share that secret.

Ah….to have such friends! Zeke goes rushing into the pigpen to save Dorothy. The Scarecrow devises a plan to save Dorothy, even when his personal safety is in jeopardy.
Witch: How about a little game of catch, Scarecrow?

And I love when the Wizard
--who really is no Wizard at all. In fact --
Dorothy: You’re a bad man.
Wizard: No, I’m just not a good Wizard.
--but I love when the Wizard tells the Tin Man,
“A man is not judged by how much he loves, but by how much he is loved.”
Makes me cry to this day.

But above all, I love Dorothy. And how much family and home means to her. Home and family are so important, that she is willing to leave Technicolor OZ for Sepia Kansas. Home is not about appearances; it is about love.

Oh….and did I tell you? I was born… Kansas…..

::click, click, click::
There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.

Friday, March 16, 2007


Okay.....I got this from Solitaire.

Write exactly whats in your head and don't change it..

1. My 'ex' is still.... a loser. With a name like "Voldemort" what do you expect?

2. I am listening to.... God….or at least I’m TRYING to….if these damn voices in my head would settle down.
3. Maybe I should....try harder? take a different train? try blue eye shadow? I don't know, you decide. I'm tired of the "woulda-coulda-shoulda."

4. I love....::little baby ducks, old pickup trucks...::

5. My best friend(s)... is threatening to become homicidal. Omigawd!

6. I don't many things. But I often tell myself that I don't have to UNDERSTAND, I just have to ACCEPT and go with it.

7. I've lost my respect for..... hmmm....I think we'll leave this blank for now. Seriously...

8. I last ate...... when I was hungry.

9. The meaning of my display name is.... because I grew tired of being plain Jayne, flung my body from the sky, and was dubbed air-plane-jayne.

10. Love is....blind...NOT! Geez, wouldn't it be great if it was? Blind I mean?

11. Someday....I will find my ship and prince. Because OBVIOUSLY they are both lost. or confused. or blind. Geez, why can't men just ask for directions? Or for SOMEONE TO DRAW A MAP!!!!!
12. I will always.... persevere. Even when I say I won’t…I will.

13. Love seems to be.... fickle, fleeting, unreachable.

14. I never ever want to lose.... my perseverance.

15. My mobile phone is.... way different from everyone else’s. But I wanna new one. I NEED a new one.

16. When I woke up this morning.... ::you were on my m-i-i-n-d. You were on my mind! I got…

17. I get annoyed at/with.... artificial ______________. Insert your own noun: intelligence, friendship, sympathy, etc.

18. Parties….Rock! As long as there is dancing. ::Shake, shake, shake. Shake,shake,shake!::

19. My pets...are much loved, but can be a burden. not complaining, but two inside cats, a bird, three horses, and 4 homeless ferral cats can be a bit much.

20. Kisses....unless we’re talking about the chocolate kind, I don’t remember what they’re like.

How 'bout you?

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Back in the to speak

Aw, come on APj, it’s… it’s just like falling off a bike…

Is that the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard? I mean, do you remember falling off a bike?!?!?! I mean, if you were riding a “cool” bike - a boy’s bike, regardless of your own gender and all – and you were standing up and pumping your way
--geez, just went to the store…

-anyhoo, you were pumping away, and your foot slipped, and
BAM! (Just like that cook on T.V.)


...Ya’ KNOW ya’ just tried to put PEEING off as long as you could, cause you knew it was gonna burn the next time you peed.

“….just like falling off a bike….”

Who the frick came up with that saying anyway!?!?!?

I remember another time I fell off a bike:
I was twelve or thirteen (or so) and my best friend Trish (the dish) and I were riding around the neighborhood. I know I was at least twelve, cause I had my cool ten-speed. Well, almost cool. It was white. I wanted blue. So my Dad painted it blue. Only, then you couldn’t tell that it was a “NAMEBRAND” bike – it looked ‘GENERIC.” Which was only a little important….

-I digress. Sorry.

Trish and I were riding, and some boys were chasing us about. Actually, they were chasing Trish around. ‘cause she was Trish the Dish. Me? Way before the “Airplane Jayne” days – err…..I was “Jayne the pain.”

no wonder I grew up to fling my body from planes…..

--Apologies again. I’m so easily distracted these days.

So, we’re riding around, being chased by cute (as cute as 12 yr olds can be) boys, when one of the uglier ones (naturally) runs his bike into mine.

--let me see if I understand

Dating 101
Kindergarten – throw rocks to show interest
Middle school – run into with bike to show interest.
What should I be looking for now in my forties?

Someone to plow over me with their car!?!?!
(yes, yes, went to the store as soon as I said plowed over)

Back to me at 12yrs old:
I leaped from my bike. I’m trying to do so gracefully, so as to impress my ugly suitor. Alas, to no avail, as I land on my own back tire. –err, I mean my bike’s back tire, not my ass. I stand up, brush myself off, and casually look down at my left foot.

--which looks funny……there’s a space…..a rather large space… to my big toe…..

Holy shit!”
What Jayne?”
Holy shit, Trish!”
Holy shit! My toe’s gone. My fucking toe is gone!”

Yes, damnit, I cussed. I do that when I’m
a. drunk (Drunk Jayne in her own front yard is fricking funny)
b. in pain. (Drunk Jayne usually feels very little pain)

So Trish …..Trish begins to dig in the gutters for my toe.

I mean – is that a true friend or what? She is digging through all the muck and gunk in the gutter for my toe. And the boys – the boys? Hell, if it was Trish the Dish’s toe they’d have been digging too, I’m sure. But for Jayne the pain – nope, they were adios, adieu, bye-bye.
I took a step towards the gutter, to lend a hand for my toe, and felt something squishy under my foot.

uhhhh, Trish
Nevermind. I think I found my toe.”
Under my foot.”
Is it – allthewayoff?”

My four point inspection verified that said toe was still mostly attached, and so Trish pumped me (so not going to the store on that one – don’t swing that way) home, with me carefully and tenderly holding my foot.

Upon arrival, Mom shoos me to the car, off to the emergency ward, and, nine stitches later sums up the entire episode with these wise words:
That’s why you should always wear shoes when you ride your bike.”

“just like falling off a bike.”

Yeah….right. All ya’ll can keep your fricking realistic and metaphoric bikes.

I’m not interested anymore. Walking suits me just fine.

But I ST-T-T-I-I-I-L-L-L luv ya....
You Are a Bright Star Soul

Like a shining star, you have no trouble being the center of attention.

duh. I am the Sun. Orbit me please.

In fact, you often feel a bit hurt when all eyes aren't on you

Hmmm.....don't know if I agree about feeling hurt when people aren't looking at me. I mean.... I LIKE being the Star, but I don't mind letting other people be the long as they give it back to me when they're done....

You need to be number one in everything, no matter how trivial

You say "competitive" like it's a bad thing! You know what "second place" is? Huh? Do ya? Hmpfh! "second place" is nothing more than "First Loser" Nuff said.

And it's this ego that both hurts your confidence and helps you acheive

True. Confidence can be rattled, but I try to persevere.

You're dramatic and a powerhouse of pure energyYou posess a divine quality or uniqueness that's hard to defineA natural performer, it's likely you'll become famous in some circles.

Me!?!? Dramatic!?!? Pashaw.... But I like the whole divine quality. And famous? in circles? does that mean I'll be orbiting?

Just learn not to take everyone's reaction to you so personally!

Why the frick not?!?!?!? Oops...sorry...gotta work on that ego thing.....

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul and Prophet Soul

Newborn? Prophet? Crap! That sounds like I either gotta rob the cradle or grave for compatiblity. And as I'm not particularly attracted to old farts....guess I'll have to break my "under 30" rule. Hmmm.....any volunteers or suggestions?

Monday, March 12, 2007

Throat drama redeux

...feeling very deja vu....

Been sounding very Lauren Bacallish lately -- which, although it sounds quite sexy, feels like hell on the vocal chords. Kinda like irritating -
like sand.....or a rash......or squeaky voices.......or whiney voices......or the voices in my head......

According to Doc --seen this A.M. after a weekend of acid
-err, that's acid reflux, not the kind you drop...

and upchuck (yes, that kinda does drop)...

it appears that I probably have something on the chords again. "Many patients develop nodules and polyps on the scar tissue after a tumor is removed," assured the doctor this morning.


So, one prescription for acid (eliminator, not the other kind), an admonition to watch the spicy stuff, and a referral to my ENT doc (who is not available until May) and I was back in my classroom by 2nd period.

::Music, Maestro, please::

Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Oh tell me why?
I don't like Mon-days.
Tell me why?
I want to sho-o-o-ot......


Friday, March 09, 2007

Moses, Moses, Moses

From APj's Daily Reflections
Exodus 3:1-4:17

Moses, Moses, Moses. When ya say his name, dontcha just picture Charleton Heston? – brave, silver hair blowing in the wind (God’s breath), unshirking, challenging Pharaoh to , “Let my people go!”

“What a man!” I say to myself, “I wanna be just like him!”

Just like Moses, I find myself suffering from a terrible case of buhwhadifs……

“buhwhadifs?” you ask, “that sounds serious. Surely he recovered”

Yes, it is serious – and please don’t call me Shirley.

So, take a stroll with me – and my man, Moses:

Moses, (on the lam from the law after having murdered a man) finds himself on a Mt. Horab with a burning bush. “Hmmm….." he mutters, "How is it that the bush is burning, but not burnt up?” and off he goes to discover that it ain’t no ordinary thing.

Moses, recognizing God by his speech, falls to his knees.

--so far, so good, eh?

Burning Bush, aka God, ever the consummate public speaker, tells Moses who he is and that He has seen the suffering of his people. “Go,” he orders Moses, “Get my people.”

::Race buzzer::

Announcer (off screen), “And we’re off!!! Holy Moses!! Look and listen to the budwhadifs coming from him!”

Who am I to do this?”
But what if they want to know Your name?”
But what if they don’t believe me?”
But I’m not a good speaker.”

Even as God (of course), answers and supplies all that is needed, Moses (as seen above), keeps coming up with another reason as to why he can’t do God’s will. Moses, obviously in utter despair, gives God my absolute fave line in the exchange:
“O Lord, please send someone else.”

If God really does look like George Burns (in my version), he has to have a huge bald spot on the side of his head! “Fine!” God curtly responds as he pulls the last of his hair out, “Aaron is coming. I will speak to you, you will speak to Aaron, and Aaron will speak to the people. All will be well…
--but don’t forget the staff…..just in case.

Dear God,
Sorry I’m full of the “butwhadifs.” I’ll try to listen and do what you tell me. Perhaps, though, you could send me an Aaron. I’m kinda more like Moses then I thought….

Thursday, March 01, 2007

I wanna count da Rogue

The Rogue festival kicks off tomorrow. This is my 2nd as Moneypenny, and the third I will attend. Rogue has been very, very, good to me. I just want to share my virgin Rogue experience:
Three years ago, I had comfortably retreated to a very cozy (but lonely) hermit-like existence. I had my VERY supportive friends that had known me "4-ever" and I didn't feel the need for expansion. My friends felt differently....

Superman Steve had come to perform his show, "Adventures of a Substitute Teacher" at the 2005 RogueFestival. I remember feeling nervous (but excited), exhilarated (but simlutaneously terrified) about being in such a bubbly, eclectic mix of performers. Steve did a five minute show at Arthop (he followed some skinny Asian strumming on a guitar singing La-la, LA-la La-la-la...). After being totally oblivious to interest from some blonde guy with a camera --

HIM: How long have you been together?
APJ: Oh, we're not a couple, we're just friends.
HIM: Oh, you just came down from San Francisco to see the shows?
APJ: No, I live here.
HIM: Cool! You're not a couple, and you live in Fresno! Where are you going next?

-- Steve decided drastic measures were necessary:
This was no longer "RogueFestival: opportunity for Steve to make money." No....this was "RogueFestival: The OC"
--No, not the T.V. show......."Operation Circulation."

I know, I know. I'm sextarded. what can I say.

We went to Veni's, where many performers had gathered. Steve said he was going to network (ever the media whore, that one), and that we wouldn't leave until I had talked to three people-- and that the scotch-drinking-chain-smoking-Rasputin-channeling-Master-Rogue didn't count because he talked to everyone...


I went and sat at a table, and started talking to a fiddle player. Unfortunately, his fiddle talked more than he did, and I was beginning to think that maybe I had forgotten the art of gab (Horrors! Me? Unable to chat people up?!?!). Steve thought the same from across the room, but thankfully, I was saved by two foreigners that joined my table. One was a tall lanky New Zealander, and the other, the skinny Asian troubadour(I remember thinking, "geez, he could sing/stare the pants off a lion tamer! Glad he's so much younger then me...."). And talk I did. Rasputin joined us, as did Steve. I don't remember the entire conversation, but I remember feeling less and less hermitish, and more and more like the APj of old.

Throughout the festival, Steve and Rasputin introduced me to other Rogues. such as SSM (who, by the way, refused to talk to me until closing night. what a snob! He says he was suffering from VenueManagerMadness. I hope that's not stillgoing around), Blake, Dr. O, and John B ('nother story about those two later!). Before I knew it, I found myself drawn into the Rogue, and even getting de-Rogued. Uh-huh, I was excited when I heard the term too, but breathe, dirty boys -- that's just a BBQ.

And here I am, two years later: Rockin' and Roguein'
Thank you Marcel, for being such an enigmatic and excellent RogueMaster. Even though you have passed on the helm, it is your baby. Be proud. And thank you for inviting me into this world.

Thanks to SSM, even though it took two years for me to get your phone number. whatevah, you're still a good dance partner, so I'll keep ya.

Dr. O and John B (my Rupert), you guys are great. You make me smile and laugh.

CindyLou (who has moved from Whoville) and Jade Ed, thanks for letting me in -- you were the toughest nuts to crack, but the crack was worth it.

Devon and Dana: you both are unsung heroes. Thanks for always encouraging me.

Jag - you no longer scare me. I'm glad.

Mustang -- oh, mustang. Thanks for thinking I'm a warrior. Really, I'm still a scared little girl playing dressup -- but don't tell anyone.

And troubadour --I'm blessed to have gotten to know you. I still think you could sing the pants off a lion tamer....