Tuesday, February 27, 2007

....And at the end of the day.....

(picture from Surf Camp)

Lent has begun. This year, I did not give up white flour (egads, that sucked) – I have decided to spend forty days in reflection. I am journaling daily, and doing much soul searching – trying to focus on areas in my life that I need to stitch, patch, exercise, etc. And listening for His voice. Often, I talk too much (surprise, surprise). Other times, I tend to inject my will over His will. Today’s reflection was, “Today, I will listen for your voice, and I will not harden my heart.”

Have you ever really thought about your heart? Tiny, vulnerable organ that you must have to live. No kidney – no death. Kidney missing? No problem, still alive. No brain, still alive. But heart stops? Dead. Dead, dead, dead.

Look where it’s located! – encased within a bone envelope. A skeleton frame, reminiscent of the briars around Sleeping Beauty’s tower, keeps it from being crushed or damaged.

And yet, look at the heart(felt) adjectives we use: heartless, cold-hearted, tender-hearted, and broken-hearted. And isn’t that how it feels? Broken.

But it’s not really broken, is it? Because, if it was,I’d be dead. And, if I’m not dead, it can’t be broken….

And so….at the end of the day……I’ve just got to step out. Be willing to be vulnerable, and trust that I will not be hurt.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Candy is Dandy

Okay......enough of the morose.....let's get back to the fun stuff....

Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss"

okay....as far as titles go. And yes, I think we can refer to it as being "First Kiss" I mean....did ya READ the post before this!?!?!?

You're a true romantic

--duh. ...although I've always referred to myself as a cynical romantic.

who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship.

--we'll just glide over the "i" word and move to relationship. Yes, please. Where does the line form?

You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love.

--yes....I do see the good in everyone (although I've not really been dating much).....but I don't really like relish --especially not stepping or, egads...falling in it. I mean, yuck - I can't think of anything more gross than little pickled cucumbers.....

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you

--Hey, forget "ideal V.day!" Mine was just great, thankyouverymuch. But a romantic dinner cooked by anyone other than me sounds fanfrickin-tastic!

Your flirting style: friendly and sweet

--Yup. I'm sweet. and friendly. Call me.

What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance

Aw crap! But I'm a cynical romantic!!!!

Does that mean I turn myself off!?!?!?!?

....hmmmm. no WONDER it's not been working.....

Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive

--oh, you must be mistaken. I'm not the hot one. I'm the CUTE one. I do have a hot Rogue bodyguard. And an incredible Rogue Enforcer.

But I'm the cute one -- gotta love me!!!!

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Almost Paradise

.....here's another honest gut-wrenching confessionally peek through the barricades into the heart-and-soul of APj.......

Prelude: Hindsight is always twenty-twenty. Voldemort left four months after this group scuba trip – I actually think the “girlfriend” was supposed to go on this trip, and that the others in our group (whose gazes were full of uncomfortable pauses and glances) knew it and her.

When was the last time, APj?” Difficult question, but an honest one -an honest one that deserves an answer. But which last time: the last successful time? The last good time? Or the last attempt? And if the latter, whose? Our attempt, his attempt, or mine?

The last time I tried was in Fiji. I mean, where could be better than Fiji? Island Paradise. A buri on the beach. The wash of waves, whisper of winds. Morning swims and evening walks. Hikes through lush forests and kayaking with colorful fish. How could he resist?

I tried to do all the things I knew he had once loved about me: I sat close to him, casually caressing his inner thigh. My fingers lightly traced circles on the back of his neck, and I allowed my lips to slightly grazed his ear when I had to whisper. My heart raced as we walked from dinner to our buri. I changed into something naughty (and nice). He told me that he was going to shower……more than an hour later I watched him (through half-closed eyes) exit the bathroom and go to the other bed at the front of the buri.

When I tearfully asked him the next morning what he was doing, his reply was that he just wanted to sleep. And that he wasn’t interested in anything else, especially with me. He promptly left for the dining hall for coffee. Without me.

The remainder of my holiday was spent on wonderful morning swims, kayaking with colorful fish, and beautiful giant turtles. I explored the inner reaches of the island, hiking to the top of a waterfall. I took morning and evening walks along the beach, greeting the Sun as he rose and set, and listening to the Moon as she sang to the sea. Truly Paradise.

Each attempt I made after that was also rebuffed, and with each rebuff, I retreated further behind the barricades of my mind. And yes, you are right: although I have removed most of the barricades, many of them are still in place. It’s just too damn scary.

So, although I’d love to live up to my sexy name of Angel Providing Joy, and I am seriously Jonesing for Affection, perhaps Steph was closer to the truth when he dubbed me “Just Another Yearning…..”

Friday, February 16, 2007


Amorous Princess Jonesing for Affection and Yummy, Naughty Embraces

Get Your Sexy Name

Angel Providing Joy

Get Your Sexy Name

Jewel Administering Yummy, Naughty, Erotic Embraces

Okay -- this one is NOT MY FAULT!!!!! To start with...Katie went and got me singing, "Get your paisely on" and I decided that yes, I really do want to bring sexy --- err--paisley back. and if I do (want to bring IT back) then I need a sexy name.A short while later (yes, the students are learning to use transitions -- and it's rubbing off on me....heh-heh, I said rubbing)-I went to visit that cheatin'cardplayer Solitaire, and she had a great new sexy name!

So.....which one?

Thursday, February 15, 2007

CLASS!?!?!? CLASS!?!?!?!? SHUT UP!!!!!!!

(title courtesy of Cheech and Chong)

One of the wonderful things about the English language is denotation and connotation.

Denotation de·no·ta·tion
the explicit or direct meaning or set of meanings of a word or expression. The denotation of “home” is the place where a person lives.
connotation con·no·ta·tion
the associated or secondary meaning of a word or expression in addition to its explicit or primary meaning: A possible connotation of “home” is “where the heart is."

As a teacher, I am fascinated with words that have similar denotations, and different connotations.

Such as?” you ask.

Hmmmmmm…….how about:

Urge and desire.
What is an urge? What about desire? Are they synonyms, shades of meaning? Or what? Of course, the first place I go is to the dictionary:

–verb (used with object)
to push or force along; impel with force or vigor:
–verb (used without object)
to exert a driving or impelling force; give an impulse to haste or action
an involuntary, natural, or instinctive impulse

–verb (used with object)
to wish or long for; crave; want
a longing or craving, as for something that brings satisfaction or enjoyment

Looking at the denotations of these words, they are similar. They both deal with forces, wishes, and longings.

Ahhhhh….but the connotations of each are so different. Urge is a baser word – more physical. An urge usually comes up suddenly; it can be fought and overcome. You can even ignore an urge; and when ignored, an urge usually dissipates.

-but desire; so different: desire grows from within – building, intensifying. Desire must be dealt with, even though you may choose to turn away from the object of your desire.
Urge……or desire?

Sunday, February 11, 2007

9 teenagers, 2 adults, and APj

So, I've just returned from taking the youth group on our annual ski trip. It rained all day Saturday -- so we stayed in playing card games and watching movies. But Sunday dawned with 20 inches (20 inches! ::shiver:: and gone to the store!) of fresh snow on the ground. Chains applied (again, back to the store...) and we were off!

No....I don't ski (anymore). I never was more than an adequate skier. But I do love to go to the snow. I've had the same snow outfit for over twelve years: black ski bibs (from when I used to ski), snow boots (still highly functional) and Erynn's old Adidas jacket from middle school. I mean, how sad is that!?!?!?

My bodyguard agreed that yes, I probably did really need (and not just want) a new snow outfit.So........ I went shopping. Aren't I cute?!?!?!?
Yes....the pink mittens must go......NEED brown ones.