Tuesday, May 30, 2006

A Year in the Life of APj

Okay, so Lelly told me I had to post my 1 year Anniversary post…..and I always do what people on that side of the pond tell me to do…..

April 2005 told the story of naming Airplane Jayne.
I love that twenty years later, I’m still Airplane Jayne, never plain.
I love that people that didn’t even know me when I was skydiving call me APj.
I love that I’ve a line in a song about finding my name high above the clouds

May 2005 was a time of Vanity and broken things.
My vanity is the first thing you see when you walk in my house. It reminds me that a true gift from the heart lasts longer than all the pretty packaging. My crooked leg reminds me that every day is a gift, regardless of the packaging.

June 2005 found me spilling my heart,
Sharing my mantra about waters that part.
My faith is an important aspect of me – and I love that my friends accept me as I am. I know that I am on the path I’m supposed to be on – because the waters keep parting as I keep moving forward.

July 2005 was busy, and drama-full.
Inventory was taken and tallied,
Jayne’s throat drama caused her friends to rally.
Okay – can I just say that I never want to go ten days without talking!?!?!?

August 2005 was a month of discovery and reflection:
We discovered a man who took responsibility for gagging APj,
Jayne remembered a skygod with abs, eyes and thighs (oh my!)
Which sent Jayne to the store. Oh yes, and kien shared that he went to the store to buy bread. Twice.

September 2005 was trip down the toilet:
We discovered APj really does have a potty mouth,
And potty issues.
Oh, btw – the latest potty dream: bought a new house, moved into it at night. Checked out the bathroom – very nice, but no toilet. Asked, “where’s the loo?” Agent just pointed out the door. I followed pointing finger out the front door. My white toilet stood, in all it’s naked porcelean glory, two houses down, next to the bus stop.

October 2005 found Jade waxing on blood and condoms, so I shared my birthday story of
midget dolls (not dwarves), waiters, and condoms.

Always remember, the month of November
And the Lady with the Flashlight Eyes.
Yes, she still scares me half to death – all doors/drawers/cupboards must be closed prior to sleepage.

December 2005 left with a bang as it crashed
January told of the demise of Kermit the smashed.
And once again, my Rogues came thru with calls, dancing, and food!

March 2006 found me Rogue’d hard and put away
With offers of maps, and youngsters wanting to play,
I instead chose a trip to Disneyland
Where Jayne was tipped upside-down
And kien used the word awesome (at Disney and Getty)

April 2006 found Jayne at the hardware store,
Which sent Mustang into fits galore,
And SSM ranting about buttfloss,
Which was a nice change from his usual rants….

May 2006 was a fantasy topless strut of free will
By the quixotic quasar on a quest with her quill.

To all my blog friends – thanks for the love and abuse.

Monday, May 22, 2006

"Q" Factor of APj

Lecram assigned the letter "Q" to me. How perfect! Explore APj's "Q" Factor. Of course, we'll skip the obvious: Quirky (duh. everyone in this group is), Queen (hel-LO! it IS all about me!), and queer (no I'm not, but I tend to be attracted to them....)

Quagmire – My married life had disintegrated into a messy one. Michael had metamorphosed from my fun skydiving lover into Voldemort. I prayed for him to change back to the man I loved – but that prayer, although hopeful, proved unrealistic. My prayer for peace was answered, strangely, by Voldemort serving me with divorce papers three days before Christmas, 2002.

Quixotic - It seems that all my life I have been plagued/blessed by imaginative and hopeful, albeit unrealistic ideas. What’s wrong with chasing windmills? Have you ever ridden one? Hmmm…..remind me to tell you the story of riding the windmill at Anderson’s Split Pea Restaurant And somehow, I’ve been cursed with the heart of a hopeless romantic and the mind of a cynic. Ah, but between heart and mind lies a clever tongue, always ready with a --

Quip – I have always had a sharp wit. I love a clever comeback! To banter back and forth with someone…..One of my favorite movie pairings of all times has got to be Spencer Tracy and Katherine Hepburn:
Richard Sumner:Now what is the first thing you notice in a person?
Bunny Watson: Whether the person is male or female.

Quiescent – Many of you may scoff when I say that I am quiescent at times. “What!?!?! Apj!?!?!?! Quiet or inactive!?!?!? Surely you jest….” No, I don’t jest….and don’t call me Shirley. (heh-heh, a quip…). Growing up as one of six children, I enjoy my space, peace and quiet. But, also because I was one of six, I need people around me…..(hmmmm……there’s my quixotic nature coming thru again…..)

Quiver – the reaction I would love to inspire…….are you there yet? Please try again….

Quasar – hmmm…..Mr. Webster insists that this is an object in space with a bright center – but tis how a classmate described me in high school. Of course, since I didn’t take physics, I didn’t exactly know what he was trying to say…..and since I was clueless back then, I didn’t realize until years later that he had a crush on me…..

Quest – The journey I’ve been on has been fantastic. Although part of me would love to change aspects of it, I know that every encounter/adventure/joy/sorrow has led me this far and shaped who I am. I know that I am doing what I’m supposed to be doing, and walking where I’m supposed to be walking.
Being able to draw on my experiences for strength and encouragment has helped to keep going.

Quitter – Something I am not! Unfortunately, this sometimes has led to me refusing to get out of the boat as it is sinking (see quagmire above). But usually – this character trait has been more of a benefit than a burden. Not quitting led me through a divorce and into a career that I love.

Quill – My pen has become my companion and confidante. This blog was started because a friend (thanks Lecram) told me I needed to start writing again. I am happy.

Quintessence - The combination of all my “Q factors” forms and molds me, hopefully into the most perfect “ME” that I can be.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Why I'm Not Dating......#3

Yeah, yeah....so I'm supposed to write about SSM's coming home party. But damnit!! I'm not writing this blog for him -- please remember: It IS all about me, right!?!?!? And, lets remember: I have not had a date in forever.... "What the hell!! Perhaps there'll be some attractive and available man that meets my criteria: job, hair, teeth. Okay, in the proper order: hair, teeth, job. Okay, okay, hair and teeth are tied for first, then job...
but I digress.
Man market!! We all know the Tower is the hetro male hotbed. Surely I could find some guy interested in buying me a drink. Marcel and I started the evening - actually, he and Jimmy had started before me. I ordered my one "big girl" drink -- mostly so that Mr. Mike would let me stay. And we waited for SSM. And I scoped the joint for hot hetro guys. scoping, scoping..... The kowboi showed up, and immediately took his shirt off (geez! he's almost as hairy as SSM.... I think they might be related......)and basked in the attention from the nubile young 'uns at the bar. Hmmmmmm....maybe he's onto something.....maybe.....I too, should take my shirt off......perhaps, I should become "shirtless girl!" Finding strength in my one big girl drink, and encouragement from Nic (whose hair, by the way, looked Mah-va-lous), I retreated to the Loo, and took my shirt off. The girls didn't look too bad. Okay, okay, after I squinted and removed three of the lightbulbs the girls didn't look too bad. Awesome animal print skirt (the troubadour would SO-O-O-O-O- luv this one.....)And hey, the gams ain't so bad.... Taking a deep breath(Uh-huh, the deep breath was primarily to suck in what I could of my gut....) , I exited the Loo. Strutting the length of the restaurant I could hear the encouraging calls from the patio. "Giggy! Giggy!" came the calls. "Uh-huh!" I thought to myself, "I am so giggy!" I felt empowered. Jauntily tossing the door open, I made my entrance onto the patio. "You want Giggy!?!? Here we--" I began.
The 100 people packed into the patio had not been,"giggy! giggy!" but had instead, been cheering, "Jimmy! Jimmy!"

Once again, I have been upstaged by that dyslexic foreigner, Lecram. Lecram and that damn hand - Jimmy.

And that, my friends, is SO-O-O-O why I am NOT dating.....

welcome the frick home, SSM.
Dance, monkeyboy, dance.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

An Evening of Reflection

After a week filled with a field trip, a wedding, 147 7th graders, and two late evenings, I spent last night on “downtime.” Barefoot, sans makeup, glasses and sweats on the couch getting caught up on all the shows that I DVR’d and haven’t watched. BTW – DVR – great invention. Tape loads of stuff, watch just a bit.
--So I’m watching Grey’s Anatomy (hey, I wish Dr. McDreamy would Mcrip my clothes off and have his Mcway with me), and something funny happened. I laughed and turned to share it –
and remembered that I was alone.
Don’t get me wrong – I don’t miss Voldemort – but I miss having some other body here.

I don’t miss the dirty clothes dropped randomly around the house,
But I miss the smell of his shirt,
Sometimes I miss it so much it hurts.

I don’t miss the accusations and hateful words
But I miss the playful banter
And shared jokes.

I don’t miss walking on eggshells and broken glass,
Waiting for the next eruption,
But I miss hearing someone else’s footsteps in the house.

I don’t miss the money battles,
The "giving in" instead of "compromising,"
But I miss having someone to share the financial concerns.

I don’t miss the way he could make me seem bad, fat, ugly, stupid, mean, selfish, weak, sad, and inferior.
But I miss the way he could make me feel.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

"4 Me" Meme

Okay -- I stole this from Solitaire, because I'm not ready with the latest installment of my woeful dating history......I promise to have it up by the weekend so ya'll can laugh, snort, snicker, or whatever other noises you care to make.

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Waitress
2. Retail clerk
3. Asst. Controller/Accountant
4. Middle school teacher - (current and favorite!!)

Four movies I would watch over and over :
1. Wizard of Oz
2. Edward Scissorhands
3. Young Frankenstein
4. Ladyhawke
Obviously, I am not anchored in reality: munchkins, men with sharp fingers, doctors in denial, women as birds and men as wolves. Okay, that last one could be reality…..

Four places I have lived:
1. Fresno, CA
2. Lincoln, NE
3. Plattsburgh, NY
4. Salina, KS
Uh-huh – life as a military brat. But with six kids, we never went overseas with my dad….hmmm, no wonder me mom’s nuts….

Four TV shows I love to watch :
1. Lost
2. Alias
3. Veronica Mars
4. House
Mysterious island, women that kick ass, and doctors in denial……

Four cancelled TV shows I miss:
1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
2. Firefly
3. Angel
4. La Femme Nikita
Again: women that kick ass..

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Hong Kong
2. Fiji
3. Hawaii
4. Disneyland
#2 & #3 were with Voldemort – but were still fun!! #1 was a year ago to get my niece. And most recent #4 was with my Rogue bodyguard.

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. On vacation in London
2. On location with Brad Pitt
3. On Motivational adventure
4. On recreational vehicle
Thus proving that even in reality, I'm not anchored in reality....

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Jumping Jayne!!!

picture taken after "big accident." That's me in the tan jumpsuit with the red helmet.

Here are the four most common questions I ever got about skydiving....and my answers:

Q: Why would anyone jump from a perfectly good airplane?

A: There is no such thing as a perfectly good airplane. Especially a “jump plane”

Q: How come you started skydiving?
A: Cause I wanted to fly. And meet guys.

Q: If I go up in the plane to watch the skydivers jump, and there’s an emergency,
how will I know if I have to jump or not?

A: If the pilot goes out the door, I advise you to follow him.

Q: I went on that parachute ride at 6 Flags, and it made me sick. Does it really feel
like that?
A: No – I hate that ride at 6 Flags – makes me wanna vomit.

There is no feel of falling in freefall – I always liked calling it “freeflying,” cause I don’t like falling! But there is no feel of “falling” not like when you jump out of a tree or off of a roof (yup, did both). In freefall, you’re too high up, too far from anything big enough for you to register movement against. Hmmmm…..still confused, eh?
Okay, time for another APj stroll – or in this case – fly, down memory lane:

I was very excited as the plane climbed: they were going to let me “close” last. Since there were only a handful of us women on the drop zone, we often became a novelty – “Just go out there and hold a heading. We’ll fly to you,” was the norm. But the four of them were going out first (2 on on the strut, 2 on the step) and I was gonna “bombout” the door. Cool!!!!
So we’re on jumprun, everybody is climbing out and into position, “Eat, Fuck, Skydive!” (Hey, its’ more clever than 1-2-3-go!), and off they went.
And the plane lurched a bit.
--and I lost my balance
--and fell back in the plane
--just a little bit.
But enough to put me REALLY far away by the time I recovered!!!! “Shit!! I’ll never catch em!” I berated myself. Pulling my arms in, and streamlining my body, I became a bullet in the sky. I was screaming through the sky at 120MPH. “Hmmm, maybe I’ll catch them after all…..”
Quickly, I saw that I was approaching the now-completed four-way. But I couldn’t believe what I saw. “Shit! Why are they spinning?” How could they do this to me? How am I supposed to dock if they won’t stop spin—“
About 20-30 feet away, I realize that --
I am flying at 120MPH towards them.
As a screaming corkscrew.
THEY are not the ones spinning.
The spinner is ME.
I frantically “get big” to slow my speed and stop my spiral. I slide 180degrees around the circle. And dock.
We smile, kiss pass (yup, just like it sounds), wave off, track away and pull.

On the ground, one of the SkyGods came over grinning and waving, “AirplaneJayne! Bitchin’ approach! You looked so hot!!””

Uh-huh. I never did tell him that I didn’t mean to do it. Why spoil a good thing?