Monday, December 31, 2007
Saturday, December 29, 2007
11 Layers of Me
Layer One: On the Outside
Name: Airplane Jayne.
Birthday: November 5 – Guy Fawkes Day
Current Location: My rancho. And the corners of my mind
Eye Color: blue or green, depending on clothing and mood. And my best feature, I might add.
Hair Color: strawberry blonde.
Righty or Lefty: lefty.
Zodiac Sign: Scorpio, and, according to the Chinese Horoscope, a Rat. A Rat looking for a Pig.
Layer Two: Just Below the Surface
Your Weakness: smiling men, a quick wit, a nicely shaped butt
Goal: to land the man of my weakness
Your Fears: that he doesn’t exist
Layer Three: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up: darn, it was just a dream
Your bedtime: whenevah
Your most missed memory: snuggling and laughing – at the same time.
Layer Four: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Well, I’ll go with Pepsi, ‘cause coke is illegal…
McDonald's or Burger King: McDonalds Happy Meal. Lunch and a toy. Life is good.
Single or Group dates: group date!?!?!? Omigawd and WTF!?!? is that just a euphemism for “orgy?” Thanks, but no thanks - I think I’m too old for that, so I’ll take the single date, Alex for $200. Because yes, my love is in Jeopardy…baby.
Adidas or Nike: whichever is on sale. But if I have one pair of Adidas, and I buy another pair, does that mean I have Adidi (pronounced a-dee-DIE)? -just wondering….
Lipton Tea or Nestea: I like Lipton. Wasn’t Peggy Lipton just super cool on the Mod Squad?
Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla latte or perfume. Chocolate everything else….
Cappuccino or Coffee: cappuccino – cause it’s all about the foam… ::shiver::
Layer Five: Do You?
Smoke: nope. Quit that nasty habit 15 years ago.
Have a crush: yup. He’s name is….oh wait, there’s also – and --. Hmmm, yup, you’re right: I’m fickle….and shallow, remember?
Think you've been in love: think? Often. Actual? Not so often.
Want to get married: toughie. I know I don’t want to be alone, but don’t know if “married” is necessary.
Believe in yourself: aw, luv, that depends on which facet of me. I am so fricking cocksure confident in matters of my art….and wimpified woosie in matters of the heart.
Think you're a health freak: well, I’m picky about food and its origins…..and I don’t like my food touching….so….I guess that makes me a bit of a freak.
Layer Six: In the Past Month
Drank alcohol: not much since “Drunk Jayne” made her BBQ appearance in May.
Gone to the mall: yup. Although…I’d love to go to the store instead of the mall. ::shiver::
Eaten Sushi: oh….is that what we’re calling it nowadays?
Gone skating: On skates – no. On thin ice-yes.
Dyed your hair: only the hair on my head. You got a problem with that?
Layer Seven: Have You Ever?
Played a stripping game: APj vs. 7 buff Skydiving Ironworkers. I won. They still made me take my top off, but I won.
Gotten beaten up: nope. Again, I won.
Changed who you were to fit in: started to, but changed my mind instead.
Layer Eight: Getting Old
Age you’re hoping to be married: 1st time I was 25.
Plastic Surgery or Wrap: Not crazy about going under a knife. So I’ll take the wrap.
Buried or Cremated: Cremated, for sure. I don’t want to be the skeleton hanging in the classroom of the future.
Layer Nine: Perfect Mate
Best Eye Color: A color I can swim in. (note, two of my crushes have eyes I could swim in….)
Best Hair Color: A color I can smell (musky, like a forest floor)
Short or Long Hair: A length I can pull (just a little tug, mind you…)
Layer Ten: What were you doing...
1 HOUR AGO: watching “Under the Tuscan Sun” ::sigh:: anybody wanna play Villa with me?
1 WEEK AGO: hoping for a man to come down my chimney. ::shiver::
1 MONTH AGO: Basking. Just basking. Nonofurbusiness!
1 YEAR AGO: making my Resolution List
Layer Eleven: Finish the Sentence
I LOVE: that I am a survivor.
I HATE: that my current life is not enough.
I HIDE: my fear
I MISS: his smell
I NEED: a want to be the same as a need.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
What - and Who - DIDN'T I do is more like it....
Let me share my Fabulous day....
"Who could possibly be at the door?" I panicked, "it's Christmas morning, for crying out loud!"
I stumbled to the door, wearing my lovely new outfit from Joy, and these bitching boots from Nic.
"Who is it?" I ask.
"Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas."
"Ya know, the last guy who called me a ho is buried out back," I retort, "so WHO are YOU!?!?"
"Well, I'll give you a hint. You once said something about licking butter off my--"
I quickly throw the door open, and yes....this is what Solitaire sent me to start my day:
Yes....I was a ho.....two or three times.
He left in a hurry after a call from Angelina, but promised to return. Soon.
"This is the best Christmas ever!" I effused, "how could this day get any better?"
"Hello? Is this Airplane Jayne's house?"
"Yes, who are you?"
"Well, your sister JoJo thought you might like to play pirates with-"
"Holy shit!" I screamed, racing to open the door, "Orlando Bloom!?!?!? For reals!?!?!?"
Yes, it was Legolas/Will Turner.
"I met a friend of yours while I was in England," he said, "she sent these and asked if you would please stay away from her man Dan."
"To hell with my 'over thirty' rule," I thought to myself.
"Come here, little boy," I cooed, as I dragged that child down the hall.
Four hours and trips to the store later..I was recharging my batteries so to speak, eating these, sent by Dan when-
"Hello?" I called, "who is it?"
"I'm back, " purred a now-familiar voice, "with the butter."
"Holy shit!" I raced to the door, "how is this possible?"
"Well," he smiled as he eyed my current ensemble, sent by a secret admirer, "your friend Nic didn't want to send Johnny, so I've come."
"No complaints," I gushed, grabbing the stick -- uh...of butter. "No complaints at all"
I just love Facebook. Leave me to my addiction. I will die with a smile on my face.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
I’ve stolen this from my friend, Meg.
Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following.
They have to be real places, names, things...nothing made up!
Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. (WHICH BY THE WAY IS HARD IF YOU ALREADY READ THEIR ANSWERS) You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl.
What is your name:
Jayne. I was named for both my mom - Janet, which means little Jane, and my dad – Jay. And yes, when I was little, they called me Jay-nee. Some still do. And some have fondly (I think) taken to doing so now.
2. 4 letter word:
jour (hey, I think that’s French for “Day” which is my last name….)
Jeep. Which I would look so cute in – especially a fire-engine-red one.
4. A city
We could start with Janesville, Wisconsin, ‘cept they spelled it wrong, so that won’t do. We could try Juneau, Alaska, but I’m not in the mood for cold. But hey! There’s a place called “Jundah” in Australia. Crikey! I’m there!
5. Boy Name
Justin. Oh, I met one and he was hot, hot, hot. hmmm…..sorry, give me a moment, I’ve gone to the store.
6. Girl Name:
Jaelynn (I actually considered this for Erynn, but Voldemort didn’t like it)
7. Alcoholic drink:
Jack Rabbit! Oops, that’s the name of something else….Okay, how about Jello shooters? Probably not a good idea: we’ll end up with “Drunk Jayne” again…..Okay, we’ll settle for a James Fog…
Jello-taster? Is that a job? Possibly a lot of licking? And slurping? Aw hell, I’ve gone to the store again.
9. Something you wear
jockstrap – oops, ‘cept I don’t wear one….okay, let's go with Jodhpurs
Yup….at the store, again….
12. Something found in a bathroom
jack-- oops. Let's go with junk. just....junk....
13. Reason for Being Late
14. Cartoon Character
Josey and the Pussycats! Long tails, and ears for hats.
15. Something you shout
Just wait til I catch you, fothermucker
Jaws. Messed me up for years.
18. Word to describe you
Juxtaposedly jaded, yet jubilant
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Hello? Can I help you?
I have family court papers for you.
Oh, you must have the wrong address.
Are you Jayne Day Richardson?
Yes, yes, I am…
Nope! I’ve got the right house. Here you go…..ahhh, Merry Christmas.
Michael, what have you done?
Jayne, I'm just not happy anymore.
God, even though I am in a much better place, and all is well in my life, this is always a difficult day. Please hold my hand today.
Missy, I've got you.
Hey....you sound like my Dad when you call me Missy.
Friday, December 21, 2007
An unmarried woman, heavy with child
An ungodly King, widely reviled.
Stable-bound, but heavenly birthed
Salvation’s Savior arrived on Earth.
Ignored by locals; revered by the wise
Who came bearing gifts, awe in their eyes.
So in the midst of the hustle of this joyful season,
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
I was tagged by Smarmoofus to play a game of Crazy Eights. Nope -- not the card game.
I was always good at that one.... but here we go:
8 Things I’m passionate about
8. Pedicures. Seriously – play with my feet and I’m yours.
7. Finding love
6. My job. Wait, it’s not a job – it’s a passion.
1. My food not touching.
Yes. I am more passionate about my food not touching than I am about anything else – even God. He’s just gotta understand that the gravy can’t touch the veggies….eww….I’m grossed out just thinking about it.
8 Things I want to do before I die
8. Christmas Eve in Disneyland
7. New Years Eve in Times Square
6. Go to Australia
5. Travel to Europe
4. Be the Disney Teacher of the Year
3. Be someone’s one true love
2. Fall in love
1. Have sex (again)
Hmmm… ya’ know, I’m SURE I could put some of these things together and kill two birds with one 2x4…
8 Things I often say
8. Write my show!
7. Why should I have to make the first move
6. But I didn’t know he was interested
5. -Because he's not over 30! That's why!
4. Come here, little boy
3. Because it really is all about me.
2. No (although I am working on this one)
1. I love you too, Erynn
Some of you may disagree with the order I’ve assigned. F@$K you.
8 Books I’ve recently or currently reading
The Golden Compass, by Philip Pullman
Twilight, by Stephanie Meyer
New Moon, by Stephanie Meyer
Eclipse, by Stephanie Meyer
Pretty Little Mistakes, by Heather Mcelhatton
Tolkien and Lewis: The Gift of Friendship by Colin Duriez
Harry Potter and the Half-Blooded Prince, by J. K. Rowling (yes, I am an entire book behind…)
Fluke, by Christopher Moore
(please remember that I’m a middle school teacher…I try to read many of the books that my students do)
8 Songs I could listen to over and over
8. Crazy Bitch, by Buckcherry
Hey! You’re crazy, bitch. But you f@#K so good I’m on top of it….
7. Carolina in my Mind, by James Taylor
Hey baby, the skies on fire….
6. Hallelujah, by k.d. lang
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew ya…
5. Can’t Get Next to You, by the Temptations
I can live forever, if I so desire…
Thursday, never looking back, it’s Friday; I’m in Love!
3. Like I Do, by Melissa Etheridge
You found out to love me, you’ll have to climb some fences..
2. Moonshadow, by Cat Stevens
If I ever lose my eyes, if my colors all run dry….
1. Savior, by kien lim.
Scatter her soul to the wind, the rush of the wind is beckoning.
8 Things that attract me to my best friends
Yes….I do look at my friends’ butts. I can’t help it. But see – then I’m looking at the Wit. Hmmm…how do you look at wit? Where’s that kept!?!?!? (gawd, now all my best friends are going to know what I’m up to!)
8 People I think should do Crazy 8s
Okay....that sounds like some kinky version of Twister. Like Nekkid twister. If you feel like playing, play. Call me if you need a second....
Thursday, December 13, 2007
In years past, I think I've shared my favorite posts. This year, I think I would like to share some of my favorite comments from all my bloggy buddies.
all I can picture now is you as Kelly McGillis in Witness. Disrobing. Just for me. Except you aren't gay. And I'm definitely no Harrison Ford. But I have 2 1/2 bathrooms for your use.
..urge has hair on it.(and will break down the door.) ...desire wears cologne.(and calls for you to open.)
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
I dissolved, once again, into a fit of laughter.
For any of this to make sense, we must go back in time.....go back to Sunday A.M.
My script for the annual Christmas Pageant had been missing for two weeks. I had looked everywhere: the house, my classroom, church, my car. All locations had been searched multiple times. I KNEW I needed a "Plan B": rewrite it, choose a different script, or write a completely new one.
--but I did nothing. Stubbornly sticking to my original, but unsuccessful, "Plan A."
"God," I said as I went to bed Saturday night, "I know the script will turn up. Amen"
--however, I set the alarm for 5:30AM....just in case...
I awoke at 5:30 - made the cursory pass through the house to see what God has done, and I hear--
"Go Look in the Car"
"I already looked in there."
"Go look in the-"
"But God! It's cold out ther-"
"Fine, Lord, fine! I'm going!"
So go outside I did. Stomped to the car with an empty laundry basket, and emptied the back seat and the trunk into it! muttering, of course, the entire time.
I huffed back inside and set the basket on the table. As I started down the hall, to search, yet again, an already thrice searched spot, I heard-
"Empty the Basket."
"Oh, come on, God...Seriously, You KNOW I already looked i-"
"Empty the bask-"
"Fine, Lord, fine! I will empty the basket. I will bathe seven times in the river..."
Grudgingly, I started pulling things out of the basket, making piles on the table, and
With a sheepish grin, and a rather loud laugh.....I thanked God. Profusely.
Of course, I then proceeded to bombard and pepper Him:
"Seriously, God, seriously? This is the prayer You answered? Seriously? My pageant script? Geez....You certainly do have a twisted sense of humor.....kinda dark, eh?"
Or....maybe I'm asking all the wrong questions.....Maybe....maybe this was the only RIGHT question I've asked lately.....
"Okay, God - You win (as usual). I will be open to You and Your Will. Right here, right now, today and this week. I trust that, just as you placed that script JUST where and when I needed it to be, that You will place WHO and WHAT I need JUST where they and it need to be.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
|You Are Christmas|
More than most people, you are able to find magic in life's small moments.
Yes, small presents are sometimes the best...
Traditions mean a lot to you, and you tend to be quite nostalgic.
You are a giving, kind person who really understands the true meaning of holidays.
The true meaning!?!?!? Just buy me a present!
You inspire others to be as altruistic and caring as you are.
As long as they buy me a present...
What makes you celebrate: Tradition and a generous spirit
-and a present!
At holiday get togethers, you do best as: The storyteller. You like to recount memories with everyone.
a-about the best present I ever got!
On a holiday, you're the one most likely to: Give a gift to everyone you know
Even if they didn't get me a present!
|Your Elf Name Is...|
Okay....I'm kinda liking Trixie....but can somebody tell me how my fingers got sticky? On second thought, maybe I don't wanna know....
|What The Holidays Mean to You|
For you, the holidays are about emotional connections and bonds. You are happiest being around those you love.
Christmas is very emotional for me. I am so glad that Erynn feels that she still must come home at Christmas.
You celebrate the holidays in a minimalist style. You are likely to only give one great present and decorate your house with a few special items.
Who are they talking about!?!?!? Scuse me -- I'm the one with two trees, a miniature village, and Christmas in the Loo....Seriously....
During the holidays, you feel magical. You love all of the decorations and how happy people are. You like to sit back and take it all in.
Now this is more like me! I love walking/driving and looking at yard lights and decorations.
You think the holidays should be energetic and packed with activities. You'll double up on caffeine and sugar if that's what it takes to get you through them.
Duh. I will rest when I'm dead. "Party on, dude" whilst alive, I say.
Your favorite holiday memories strongly evoke your senses. You are vividly aware of all the tastes, smells, and sounds of the holidays.
My holiday memories, both good and bad, are very strong.
|Your Christmas Song Is|
Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
You would even say it glows.
For you, Christmas is a mix of tradition and fun.
You're not above strapping on a red blinking nose for a laugh
Okay -- somehow they worked "strap-on" and "blinking" and "laugh" into the same sentence....
Friday, December 07, 2007
“Pour some sugar on me!”
these boots call out.
When I wear them,
-can’t help it,
(but I don’t think I would if I could).
They were a gift from a friend,
"ostentatious", some would say.
But I say they’re just jealous,
When I wear them,
-can’t help it.