Sunday, July 24, 2005

Drama, dahling, drama

I know that many of you think I like to have drama in my life, so that it must remain "all about me." Let me start off by stating the obvious:

It IS all about Me......always.......Just accept that and move on!

Most of you don’t know this, but I went to the Doctor last week. I lost my voice around the end of April/beginning of May. I thought I was talking too much (Jayne? Talk too much? Go figure!) and had probably damaged my vocal chords. I figured it would be better when school got out. It didn't (get better), so I went (to the doctor).
Okay, as you know, most doctors thrive on finding new ways to freak you out. Here is one of their new ways: Doc stuck a tube up my nose. Hmmm, picture one of those cans of compressed air that you use to clean your computer keyboard...with a tube about twice that size. Doc squirted nasty bitter tasting stuff up my nose and instructed me to swallow said nasty bitter stuff.

Just as an aside: Why would a doctor make stuff that has to go down your throat taste bad? If YOU were that doctor, wouldn’t YOU try to make it taste better!?!?!?

But back to my story: At this point, I was a good patient and swallowed the nasty/narpy tasting stuff. Throat proceeded to get very numb; so numb in fact that it became quite difficult to swallow my own saliva. Saliva which was being mass-produced, probably because saliva glands knew I couldn't swallow and they thought it would be fun!
So now, Doc returns into room, with something that looks like a miniature vacuum attachment....or maybe some high-tech computer accessory: Long skinny (about half the width of a pen), sectional, firm-but-bendy cable-y thing with a light on the end.
Jayne's eyes get big as she realizes that Doctor intends to send that snake down her throat.....

Jayne's blood pressure increases when Doc informs her that he will be going down her throat -- VIA HER NOSE!

Yes and still, Jayne remains the perfect patient.....

Doc snakes tube down left nostril causing a feeling similar to someone dragging a finger along a sunburn: very uncomfortable, but not painful enough for you to haul off and hit them.

Doc snakes tube down right nostril -- and still, Jayne behaving and not kicking or hitting anyone....
"Hmmmm, yes," says Doc (either to me or my tonsils -- oh yeah! I don't have those anymore, so I guess he was talking to me), " Yes. You have a lump on your left vocal chord. It looks benign. But I do want you to come in for specialized test. A videoscope. We'll set that up for you."
Okay, let's review the words I heard:
lump. vocal chord. benign. specialized test.

As usual, Jayne plays research/doctor upon arriving home. According to what I have learned, most lumps on vocal chords are not cancerous. And the Doctor did use the word "benign" which is good. Most Doctors are pretty non-committal in diagnosis until they have test-data, so I don't think he'd use that word unless it looked pretty good. But it is a lump (not a polyp or nodule), and I don't want it there.....even though I'm getting told I sound like Lauren Bacall (older audience) or Kathleen Turner (a bit younger audience).
So, videoscope (or videostrobe?) is set for 7/29 at 9:00 in the morning. Results consultation witll be on 8/1 at 9:00 in the morning. Yes, I am nervous, but I am fine. I'm concentrating on the words and research of the doctors and myself, the kind words and prayers of my family and friends, and trusting that it'll all be fine. I just figure it's my turn (again) for some surgery. I don't want you worrying about me. You know I do this Doctor thing okay. But please keep me in your prayers. Never, ever, ever underestimate their power.
I promise to let you all know what's going on and soon as I know what's going on.

the Queen of the Spotlight,

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Jonah and Jayne

Once upon a time, there was a man named Jonah. One day, God told him to go to Nineveh. Jonah didn’t want to go to the evil, debauched city of Nineveh, so he exercised his God-given right of free will: Jonah got on a boat and sailed in the opposite direction of Nineveh. But God had a different plan; a plan in which Jonah went to Nineveh. So God sent a terrible storm to harass the boat, providing the very first example of the phrase, “Don’t mess with Mother Nature.” The sailors grew terrified: what should they do?
Throw Jonah overboard? Row to shore? Either way could anger Jonah’s Lord.
Throw? Row? Throw? Row?
Jonah finally provided the answer, and told them to throw him overboard…into the raging sea...unto certain death. However, let us remember, it was God’s plan, not Jonah’s plan; so the sailors sent Jonah into the raging sea…and God sent Jonah into the mouth of a great fish.
Talk about a captive audience! Jonah….in the whale….in the sea! Upon reflection of the events that led up to this address change, Jonah acquiesces, repents, and tells God, “Okay, you win. You sent me to the depths to die, but you brought my life up from the pits. What I have vowed, I will make good.”
And then God’s great fish, very unceremoniously, vomits Jonah onto dry land, and on his way to Nineveh.
Which is where he should have been going in the first place!
There’s more to this story, but this is the part that I’ve always liked. Why? Because Jonah not only thinks he can do anything he wants to do, he exercises his “free will” in doing so: he defies God, not only by not going to Nineveh, but by sailing 180degrees in the opposite direction! While Jonah’s busy doing “his own thing” instead of “God’s Thing,” look at the havoc wreaked around him: damage caused not by him, but because of his defiance. Only when Jonah’s forced to see the power of God, does he bow to God’s will. Only when his environment is God-provided and controlled does Jonah reflect upon whom he is challenging, and concede. In the end, in spite of his free will, Jonah accepts God’s will, and heads for Nineveh.

Score: God Won
Jonah Lost (days)

Personally, I connect with Jonah. At various times in my life (almost regular intervals), I have found myself in the midst of the raging seas, all because I wasn’t going the direction that I knew God wanted me to go. And so, with an oft times heavy hand (but thankfully, no great fish), my course was corrected. I would be steered in the right direction, until suddenly, out of seemingly nowhere, I’d find myself again on that raging sea, once again asking myself:

“Am I ignoring my Nineveh? Is there something or somewhere else I’m to do or be?”

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Taking Inventory

Terrorists struck London on 7/7, and although it was halfway around the globe, it affected me as emotionally as 9/11 New York, Pennsylvania, and D.C. did. I find myself, once again, overwhelmed with emotions: anger, fear, sadness, helplessness, confusion, and hopelessness. But tonight I forced myself to ”take stock” of all the good things and blessings in my life.
Here’s my inventory:

1. I am grateful that my friends across the pond are all okay. And that some are so much more than acceptable…
2. I love my new Rogue friends who have taken me in….even though I sometimes wanna poke the wild animals.
3. My daughter, Erynn ROCKS! Somehow, still not quite sure how, I did that absolutely perfectly!
4. I am in a better place, physically, emotionally, mentally, than I was three years ago.
5. Cream cheese frosting on vanilla wafers is perfect comfort food. Forgettabout the calories.
6. Aspiring is inspiring.
7. I am lucky in the fact that I get paid to do something I am good at AND that I love to do.
8. I am proud to be an American, but I am not proud of some Americans
9. The “Party Elements” will always be elemental to my survivial.
10. Chocolate really does make everything better.

How ‘bout you?

Saturday, July 09, 2005


"Going to the store"
Poor Lelly, she must think that all we do on this side of the pond is "go to the store." I mean, Jade and I discuss our favorite movies, and Jade's gotta go to the store.

A long long l-o-n-g story short -- (and edited).....

"Going to the store" came out of cyberque one:
an intelligent discussion, begun, I believe, by Jag, speculated on a future cashless society. Different modes of "cashless" were explored, moving from paying via debit cards, to body implants, to DNA...

But how to get DNA?

This is where discussion when straight to the gutter...and all the men volunteered to do the shopping forever!

Thus, when a dazed look comes over their face, they have, in essence, "gone to the store."

SSM, does that about sum (so to speak) it up?