Sunday, June 29, 2008

Thursday, June 26, 2008


Okay -- so I can't believe I left out the scariest part of the visitation....

but I did...

I am usually a much better storyteller....I apologize.

Okay, so rewind to the part where

(part 1 and part 2)

After laying in bed and allowing the heartrate to return to normal, I was finally able to fall asleep. Suddenly, I'm aware of a crushing weight on my back. Something is pinning me down to the bed.
I try to roll over.
I can't.

I try to speak.
I can't.

I try to sit up and scream.
I can't.

"Oh," I think, "this must be another dream! I'll just shift out of it, or wake up."
But I can't.

Because it is not a dream. I am awake, and being held down by something.

"PleaseGodPleaseGodPleaseGodPlea," I silently pleaded.

After about 20 seconds, the weight was lifted, and I could speak. and roll over. and sit. and scream.

all of which I did as I ran out of the bedroom and to the couch.

And Now.....
(as Paul Harvey would say)

you know......the REST of the story.....

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

No more boogieman

So, my spiritual advisor (the ordained one, not Lecram --although lecram is the one who suggested I call a priest) came out to the ranchette yesterday. We started in my room with holy oil and water. Pooh-pooh and pashaw what you will; both of us felt something there, something definitely not-ever-human, and definitely-not-nice. As we moved through the room, I felt it leave. My room is now back to being my restful sanctuary. Amen

I do not share my bed with many
-gawd, that line is so truthful, sad, and funny all at the same time

-but because of your love, thoughts, and prayers, I wanted to show you where I finally got to sleep after a week on the couch.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

The Mirrored Me.....

Caution: You may not be able to sleep after reading this:

I remember, as a child, waking from a nightmare. I don’t remember the specific nightmare, but I sat up in bed. I started to get out of bed, to head to the safety of my parent’s bed, when I noticed there was a mist….a fog in the hallway. It was about waist high – and sort of rolling.

And I knew it was bad. I knew I couldn’t walk through it – and I knew it wanted to come in the room. My room. But it stayed in the hall. I remember almost silently calling for my Mom –and somehow she heard. I will never forget the sight of my Mom wading thru the mist to save me. I closed my eyes and hung on tight to her as she led me to the safety of my parents room.

I had lots of nightmares as a child – and they were never like anyone else’s. Most of you remember The Lady with the Flashlight Eyes – and my other nightmares were equally as scary. On some level, I knew that often, my dreams were a window to some other place. Occassionally, “that place” leaked into my real world. I remember as a teenager, remembering that as a small child, I could sometimes see creatures in the trees. I don’t remember seeing t hem now – I just remember that as a teen, I remembered that I saw them as a child.

As a child, Erynn was plagued with it too. I taught her how to “change her dreams” and that worked most of the time. One of her more vivid nightmare stands out: I heard her crying, so I went to her room. She told me that in her dream, there had been a wolf in her closet. She told it to go away, and it snarled, “What’s your name?” She wouldn’t answer, and it growled before it faded. And -- the kicker – she was sure she was awake and sitting when it asked her name.

I grabbed her and ran to the safety of my bed.

Erynn also remembers seeing what she described as shadow people. She would be reading or drawing, sometimes in the middle of the day , and something/someone would almost take shape next to her, move around, and then fade away. She says the last time it happened she was (around) 14, and something that looked big and scary was starting to take shape. She looked at it and said, “You are not allowed here. Go away.” It did, and she never saw them again.

Why this? Why now?

Because I am having another nightmare. Another serial nightmare. I’m calling it “The Mirrored Me.” And I’m hoping to bring it to an end – quickly.

The first dream – that I clearly remember – was one of those “You think you are awake but you are still sleeping” dreams. In the dream, I woke up, and had to pee. That’s not unusual. So, I go to the bathroom, turn on the light, pee, and wash my hands. Something in the mirror catches my eye, so I look up. But it’s only me. But, wait….my face looks….strange…not quite right. I lean a little closer, turning my face from side to side, trying to figure it out. But I can’t quite put my finger on it…. Puzzled, I just sorta stare……

And the Me in the mirror, grins an evil grin at me.

I woke the fuck up.

I know I’ve had a few since – but I don’t remember the details. It had been awhile… until the other night.

Again, I’m awake, and I gotta pee. I get up, go to the bathroom, turn the light on, pee, and wash my hands. I decide (why, I don’t know) to brush my teeth. While I am brushing my teeth, I get that Deja-Vu feeling, and (I don’t know why) I begin to brush faster. Faster, and faster – trying to trip “her” up – but she’s keeping up – of course! Because it is only a reflection, right? Brush, brush, faster, faster, switch hands, brus-

She didn’t switch hands. She put the fucking brush down and started reaching towards me.

I woke the fuck up.

I have been sleeping on the couch the last two nights. I’m having the priest over this weekend to bless the house.

Send all the good stuff you can my way. …

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

A bunch of stupid questions

So, I stole this from one of my old youth-group kids. She's not old....but she's too old to be in the youth--
oh bother....
I thought it would be a fun-filler while I work on a dream-post for later in the week. (yes: tease, tease, taunt, taunt, and quick poke-to-the-ribs)

[1] What's one thing that would instantly make you dislike a person?
When people are cruel. Yes, cruel as in mean, but also cruel as in condescending. I hate people that make cruel jokes about others, or at their expense.

[2] What do you do when you need to relax?
ummm......well......I like to ......go to the store? Yup! I like to go shopping! EITHER kind of shopping, actually....

[3] Why do you think there is war in the world?
Because of man's inherent selfishness and self-centeredness. There will always be a war SOMEWHERE, because SOMEONE will think they deserve something, or that someone else wronged them.

[4] Do you think it's OK to sometimes tell lies?
Do I think it's ok? No. Lies are like that space between right and wrong: you start off in the right, and before you know it, you have slid so far into the wrong that redemption appears futile. HOWEVER, I also think that as humans, it is nigh-on impossible for us not to lie.
So.....lie sparingly and small.

[5] Do you like things in life to stay how they are or change?
Things must change. One of my favorite analogies is this: Still water grows stagnant. To remain fresh, it must move.

[6] If someone liked you, what would be the best way to let you know?
Walk up to me, grab me (gently) by the shoulders, and say, "Airplane Jayne, I like you. Alot. Would you like to fill-in-the-blank? Oh.....and make me give you an answer.

[7] What are you listening to right now?
the voices in my head. They're arguing about #6. Some think I shouldn't have said fill-in-the-blank. And Molly is threatening to knock someone out if they grab me.

[8] If you won a lot of money on the lottery, what would you buy first?
a bunch of plane tickets. I am traveling!

[9] Would it change your life?
It would change my experiences, but I don't think "my life" would change.

[10] What was the last thing you purchased?
dinner with Lecram. DiCicco's lasgna and ravioli. Yum.

[11] What do you do when you're stressed out?
um.....refer to #2 above.....

[12] Would you honestly say you'd risk your life for someone else?
Without a doubt, yes.

[13] Do you believe in Aliens?
Yes. I think it's a bit ostentatious to think we are the only intelligent life "out there." Hell, sometimes I wonder if we can really be considered "intelligent."

[14] Could you forgive a boyfriend or girlfriend who physically hurt you?
No. And trust me, I hit back. Hard.

[15] What's your greatest fear in life?
I don't have any fears. I have some concerns or worries, but no fears. Fear is for wussies.

[16] Do you have a best friend?
Yes. Actually, I have 2-3 people that fit that bill.

[17] Are you afraid of death?
Nope. I already cheated it twice. However, I am one of those strange ducks that wants to know when I'm going -- I want to be able to say goodbye one last time.

[18] Do you think parents should stay together for the kids?
I wish I hadn't.

[19] Can money buy happiness?
No. And it can't buy me love either. But it can buy a hell-of-alot-of batteries.

[20] Are you looking forward to anything?
Yes. I think July will be explosive, August will be a stroll down memory lane, September will be exciting, and there's a chance that October will be explosive also!

[21] Write some lyrics from the song you're listening to?
I ain't settlin', for just gettin' by, I've had enough of so-so for the rest of my life.
(appropriate, eh?)

[22] Do you open up to people easily?
Pretty much. But I have a really high inner wall.

[23] Has anyone given you a compliment today?
Um....does the cat rubbing up against me count? How about the horses? If they don't count, then the answer is no -- BECAUSE THERE'S NO ONE ELSE HERE!!! Oh! wait! Molly says I look cute today. Oh....the voices don't count either? Nevermind.

[24] What do your friends call you?
Airplane Jayne. APj. some just call me crazy.

[25] Has anyone upset you in the last week?

[26] What usually causes your relationships to end?
We didn't have enough in common to begin with

[27] Are you close to your parents?
yes very close.

[28] What's the best thing about you?
If you ask for my opinion, I will be honest. Even if I know it's not what you want to hear.

[29] Do you think you would be a good parent?
yes, but I'm not interested in beginning the process again.

[30] Are you a forgiving person?
Yes....but it is not easy

[32] Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with?
Lecram. Over pasta. Um....the conversation was over pasta, not Lecram....

[33] Where is the last place you went out to eat?
Geez! You don't pay attention, do you? Please refer to #10

[34] Whats your favorite drink?

[35] Do you miss anyone?
yes. a few people. Hopefully I will see some of them before the year's end.

[36] What were you doing at 3 AM this morning?
sleeping. Thank God.

[37] Who do you hate?
Voldemort. Yup....still working on #30

[38] Is your room clean?
yes. and the bed is made too. Wanna come mess it up?

[39] What are you going to do tomorrow?
summer school.

[40] What is in store for your future?
My answer is, "yes. I plan on going to the store in the future."

[41] Do you take care of your friends while they're sick?
Not if they're sick repeatedly.

[42] When was the last time you purchased something over $500?
My new TV. Which I haven't paid for yet. So does it still count?

[43] Any piercings?

[44] Favorite color?

[45] Who is your favorite person to have a serious conversation with?
Molly. Oh, the voices in my head don't count? Shit.

[46] Who was driving the last time you were in a car?
It better have been me, 'cause Molly tends to have road-rage

[47] What kind of digital camera brand do you have?
I don't have any brands or tattoos.

[48] Does any part of your body hurt right now?
Well, I've been told I'm a pain in the ass....

[49] How many tickets do you have?
for what? the store? the show? be more specific!

[50] Do you like coffee?
yes. But I'm not supposed to drink it.

[51] Why are you doing this survey?
im bored

[52] Who was the last person that texted you?
Dr. Jones

[53] What does your twelfth message in your inbox say?
None of your business. :)

[54] What are you craving?
See #52

[55] Whats the closest red thing to you?
My cheeks. Because I'm thinking about #52 & #53

[56] What is the last pill you swallowed?

But really, the last pill I swallowed was a vitamin.

[57] How did you sleep last night?
with the lights on. Because of "The Mirrored Me." tease-tease-taunt-taunt New Nightmare story coming.

[58] What was the first thing you thought this morning?
I am not gonna look in the mirror.....

[59] What did you do last night?
Did you NOT read #58 and #59!?!?!?!?!?

[60] Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?
Yes. Otherwise Molly might take over.....and that could be very scary....

[61] What were you doing at 7 am?
You are getting awfully personal....

[62] Are there any previous relationships you wish could have lasted long?
short answer? yes.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008 Katie-did just posted this. How the hell does she have time for this!?!?!? She just got married for criminintely! She should be have all kinds of se- store outings Not doing silly little memes.... Now me? I am definitely doing less Costco trips -- so I've plenty of time for this kindacrap....

Use the 1st letter of your last name to answer each of the following... *they have to be real places, names, things...nothing made up! Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. (WHICH BY THE WAY IS HARD IF YOU ALREADY READ THEIR ANSWERS) You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl

1. What is your last name?...................Day
Very simple to spell, very simple to remember: Have a nice ___. Oh what a beautiful ___. Saturday was my favorite ____.

2. 4 letter word.................................Dame
Whenever I hear this word - I picture Lauren Bacall....Rita Hayworth....Rosalind Russell....
Dontcha just love this word? Damn! I wanna be a dame!!!!

3. Vehicle.....................................Delorean
With a name like AirplaneJayne, it just goes to follow that I'd have a car with wings.

4. City / Neighborhood ..............Deadman's Cay in the Bahamas
I know nothing about it -- but geez, it sounds very piratey - eh?

5. Boy Name .................................. Dear
But his first name would be "Jim"

6. Girl Name .................................Darling
She, of course, is married to #5
(okay, obscure to some of you, so here's a hint: Lady and the Tramp)

7. Occupation ............................. Diver
as in "sky." okay, it wasn't an occupation -- but I did get paid....

8. Something you wear:.............. Diamonds.
Even though they are not my best friends.....

9. Food .......................................... dessert
any kind. always good

10. Found in a bathroom........... Dil
Umm...I'm pleading the 5th....

11. Reason for Being Late..........Duh!
see #10

12. Something you shout........Darling!
ummm....I seem to be stuck somewhere around 10 and 11.

13. Animal........Dove
My white dove (aptly) named, "Spirit."

14. Body part.......'dacious ta-tas
so I forgot the "bo" at the beginning, BFD. Rules-schmules.....

Saturday, June 07, 2008

I know, I know, I am such a dork....

when Erynn was little, I used her as an excuse to go see Disney movies....

In that same vein (double-entendre intended)I am so glad I teach 7th grade-'cause I can use that as an excuse for having to have read this series.
-in less than 10 days.
Bite me, Edward.

That's all I can say....

Friday, June 06, 2008

Not the typical APj post....

I am disgusted.
I will be taking a detour from my regularly scheduled lesson - today, this is my lesson . Today, my students will be hearing, once again, that we must be a community. And that as a community - neighborhood, city, state, nation, and world community, we are responsible for each other.

This man should not have laid alone, bleeding on the streets of Hartford while people watched from the sidewalk.

Shame, shame, shame.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose....

But you can't pick your friend's nose....unless, of course, you are at the wedding of Katie-did and Fishstick.

Of course, some might turn their noses up at that kind of behavior. You know the kind: fancy drinks, hair and boobs for miles - and that's just Nate! We won't even mention Joy's bodacious ta-tas. Oh...I just did, huh?

Of course, whenever there's a celebrity wedding, and believe me, Fishstick thinks he's a celebrity -- the paparazzi (aka Solitaire will be all over it. Here's my proof.

She wanted to get a compromising picture of the bride and groom. She heard they were doing the nasty on the cake -- by the time she got there, this is all she found:

Oh, and can I just say that this is one of the best pics of me? Lecram, somehow you always get good shots of me. Thanks!

Monday, June 02, 2008

Superman Steve!


For some of you, this was your introduction, for others it was this, but either way, by now, most of you have either met him or heard me rant about Steve.

I met Steve a million years ago, when I was still married to Voldemort. He rented an L.A. apartment a few doors down from my good friend Edwina. I remember the first time I saw him saunter past her doorway.
"Holy Cow, Edwina! Who the hell is that?"
"A.P. the J., that is Steven -- omigawd, I can't remember his last name. Begins with a "K." Charming lad, didn't even seem to mind the pink underwear."

-Let me explain: Edwina was in-between shops for her business at the time -- and so had resigned herself to dyeing using the apartment's facilities. And I guess the washer didn't get rinsed out as well as it should have been.....
But Steve didn't seem to bat an eye about the pink chonies.
Or any other malady we inflicted on him.
-He was our never-complaining straight date to big Hollywood dodahs, dancing up a storm at a moments notice (he even owned his own tux).
-He would offer (and follow through, thankyouverymuch) to come down/over and cook breakfast the morning after latenight drinkings.

and my personal favorite:
Edwina and I had been up 30+ hours, planning a high school graduation for her daughter, and a Disneyland trip for her (Edwina's) birthday. We were all having a blast at Disneyland, and Steven tried to bid us adieu, saying he was going to drop the relative(s) off at the airport and go home to bed.
"Listen, whippersnapper!" I challenged, "We're older than you. And we've been up longer! If you are any kind of man, you'll come back and find us."

Yes, yes, you are right: a challenge issued by APj is not to be taken lightly. And he didn't. Not only did he return, but he found us, and we rode Space Mountain!

ummm...that is not a euphemism of any kind. it's not like that.

Steve has kinda been my Obi-Wan, my older brother (even though he is younger). After my divorce, he and Kajsa (his more-beautiful-half) cheered me up often. He came to perform at Rogue 2005, and through him I met and became a part of the Rogue and my fellow Roguers. Along the way, he has done his best life, by....making "introductions. Okay, yes, I say "introductions" you say, "pimping." B.F.D. Some were not so successful, others....more so.

So why this homage to Steve? No, no, don't worry, he is not dying of some horrible, fatal disease (although the thought has crossed my mind). Nope, nothing as permanent as that. But Steve, Kajsa, and their beautiful daughter, Anja are moving to Sweden. It is "going home" trip for Kajsa, and the beginning of a "new adventure" for Steven. And for me? I am so happy for them to be able to make this move, but I am going to miss them. I would feel sad......but they have promised to find me another Swedish Sailor. Perhaps this time I'll know what to do with one....