Sunday, August 19, 2007

Alas, poor toy, I knew thee well....

Dear Toys R Us,

I am so sorry to be returning my Oh-Baby-Baby-Youscream/Iscream, deluxe remote control version. I know it it not your policy to refund any money, but I am hoping you will make an exception. You see, my mojo has been....slow-mo'd.

My friends, Superman Steve sent me a link to a chap he thought I would be interested in. "You have so much in common: divorce, going back to school as an adult, religion, cowboy hats...." Being a little leary, err, leery of the whole internet dating thing, I went and looked.

And almost immediately the Youscream function malfunctioned. Or perhaps I just couldn't hear it over my own cries for help..... (OMG, but WTF is that tattoo on his very pale-white-dark-hairy-chest!?!?!?!)

After composing myself, I informed Superman Steve that this match was less then satisfactory, and requested a new match. One that wasn't quite so pale.....so complacent.....so talkative. "Never fear," reassured Steve. Within days, he had another match for me. "And," he enthused, "this time you have a choice! There are four to pick from!"

Sadly, even the Iscream function no longer works....

I hope you will reconsider your refund policy on this occassion.

Sincerely,
the no-longer-screaming
AirplaneJayne

p.s. If any of your employees would like to replace Superman Steve as my dating guru, a position is available.

7 comments:

KFarmer said...

OMGGG!!!! LOLLLLLLL!!! Did the first guy even have teeth??? I think the tatoo was a bug of some sort. & the second video...I could not even get through the second guy before I screamed (w/laughter) and left. I would surely go back to TRU and get a new and improved toy... ;)

Joy said...

oh.... oh....

Ow...

the laughing...

the pain...

Ok, that first link, I was like "alright, alright, let the guy do his thing, we don't have to be impressed, but that's cool"

and then I saw that second link, and nearly fell out of my chair! OMGWTF?!!!!

It was like... watching... that tiny little dog that gets confused and thinks your leg, the chair arm, the breeze... are all something to hump, because it's been strangely aroused by who the hell knows what.

So...

ok...

wow.

Wow, there are some REAL winners out there. I just can't understand why there are so many single women! *insert sarcastic snort here*

Myers said...

I can only hope that the ottoman pressed charges. I haven't heard of anything that terrible since the leather couch incident in New Orleans in '87.

kien lim said...

Well, I like Zen Archer. I think he's an ok guy and he does his bit to contribute positively to the stream of life. His channel is one I've subscribed to.

Good luck with your search. Kien

Gawpo said...

Luckily, I am searching as well. These are all goo prospects. I am giving up women.

lecram said...

So, rumor has it that you have a new place?

airplanejayne said...

kfarmer and joy--yes there is no zen there. but Sparta is looking good.

myers- all evidence of couch incident was finally destroyed with Katrina. They only wanted us to THINK the government was incompetent...

kien - okay....I'll explain this one when I see ya... :)

gawpo -yes,they are all goo prospects. ewwww...

lecram - yes.new place is Sparta!!!