September by. Earth, Wind and Fire

Oh, yeah. EWF is coming to the Big Fresno Fair October 6th.
Now, the fair is always a big pull: corn dogs, cinnamon rolls and soft tacos are my faves (yes, yes, as long as they're not touching on the plate).
But EWF!?!?!? Almost impossible to not dance to, and so.....I'll be there, shaking my groove thang.
"ba-de-ya say that you remember...."

Carol Burnett Show outtakes - Tim Conway's Elephant Story

I remember seeing this episode as a child -it cracked me up then....

and it still puts me on the floor today! THIS is funny....I wish we still had FUNNY on the TV!

MeMeMeMe

I saw this over on Joy's and Katie's blogs, and thought it would serve as filler until I write about my Nebraska trip.... although Lime has a killer ThemThem over on her site...

Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Um...a perfect fool - does that count?

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
If I ever get those abs-o-steel I will pierce my bellybutton.
::sigh::

Do you sleep on your side, stomach, or back?
yes. Oh --am I supposed to choose one? That sucks. I kinda like all three. I hate having to choose just one -- I mean, isn't that just like only eating vanilla, or only eating chocolate? And never exploring other flavors? BORRRRRinggggg!

Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
Yup. Often followed by, "Are those real?" For the record: eyes, boobs and ass - all real.

How do you feel about chocolate covered strawberries?
I especially love them when they are lowered into my mouth by some gorgeous hunk. Maybe with an accent....or maybe with piercing eyes. Oh! Wait! If I can't have bellyring, maybe I could have piercing eyes looking at me.

Are you self-conscious?
very. Often I try to mask this with self-depreciating remarks.

How do you vent anger?
I am the original "straw that breaks the camel's back." I take it, take it, take it, and then blow.
Okay -- we're talking anger, not sex.

How did your day start off?
in my own bed. Which, after a week on the beach, followed by a week in a Nebraska bed, felt wonderful. Perfect. Or almost perfect.... if there were strawberries, chocolate, piercing something-or-others...

Does anyone hate you?
Probably. whatevah. I am the Jayne -- gotta love me. Or get outta my way.

Can you handle the truth?
yes. It may make me retreat and lick my wounds, but I can handle just about anything. Err.....'cept my food touching.

Favorite fair food?
again -- just one!?!?!? WTF!?!?!? Do you KNOW what they have!?!?!?!? I don't go to the fair for the rides -- I go for the food. I start with a cinnamon roll, followed by teriyaki beef on a stick (meat on a stick. yum), corn dog (more meat on a stick), funnel cake with strawberries and whip cream- hey!! whip cream would be nice with the strawberries, chocolate and the hot dude with the piercings....

Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
Eventually I get around to telling them. Never is too fricking long.

Have you ever kissed anyone named Katie?
Ummmm.....I think Katie kissed me goodnight once. But it was on the top of my head -- on account of the fact that I was Drunk Jayne that night. Drunk barfing Jayne. Katie-good-friend.

What did you do Saturday?
Visiting my Dad in Nebraska. I love you Daddy.

What would you do if someone told you that you were the most beautiful person in the world and they would do anything to wake up to your face each and every morning?
1. Look for the hidden camera.
2. Make sure Ashton Kutcher is nowhere to be found.
3. Verify that the speaker's jacket doesn't fasten in the back.
4. Drag them down the hallway. (Note to self: stock up on strawberries, chocolate, whip cream. Toss the batteries....)

Do you trust all of your friends?
Yes. Otherwise they are not my friends.

Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
Lawdy, lawdy, lawdy....this one is scary. Yes. okay - I said it. It must be so...

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Yes -- and most of the time I'm not informed of the reason for a very long time. Which can really piss me off, 'cause I wanna know NOW!!! And, for the record, yes, I do read the last page of the book. Again, whatevah...

Would you make a good parent?
If you had asked Erynn between the ages of 10-15, she would have said no. Now she would tell you that I was a great parent. I think I did a pretty good job -- she's fabulous.

Who do you love the most?
Umm....the guy from above who thinks I'm the most beautiful person in the world and is waiting for me in some other state or country with strawberries, chocolate and whip cream.

Morning or night person?
Yes. Crap! Again, you think this is a choice!?!?!?!? I wake up happy, I go to sleep happy. Why not? After all, I've got this incredible piercing guy with strawberries....

What makes you lose your appetite?
food touching. This may be a new diet strategy for me. If it's all touching, I won't eat it!

Do you get along with guys or girls better?
Guys… I have always gotten along better with guys. Did you know that I was the manager for the wrestling team in high school? 'nuff said.

Last time you smiled?
twenty seconds ago as I visualized the piercing guy with strawberries and whip cream. ::sigh:: Oops! I did it again!

Are you taller than 5′5”?
Only in my dreams. Oh, and according to the ideal-weight charts, I should definitely be taller than 5'5"

Would you rather have love or money?
You and your fricking choices. They don't say Bonnie OR Clyde. Chicken OR Rice. Strawberries OR Chocolate. Get real, man. Love and Money - what a combo. Can I supersize it, please?

Have you ever been punched by the opposite sex?
Well, he actually kicked me. Three times. So I hit him. Then he tried to bite me. So I told him he fought like a girl, and proceeded to kick his ass.

Have you ever dated someone for longer than a year?
Well, let's see: I was married for 18, dated for three before that. Does that count? But since that - nope. Dating sucks. Did a whole show on the matter.

Have you ever told someone you were single when you really weren’t?
Me? no. Voldemort? yes.

Last person you went to the movies with?
My mom and my niece, Madison. We went to see Wall-E. Great moviE.

Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it?
Well, somethings you don't want back -- like when they say, "Can I borrow a kleenex?" I mean, seriously, keep it. I don't want it back.

Today did you hug a person you have feelings for?
does a cyberhug count?

If a stranger looked in your closet, what would they think?
Well, they'd probably be thinking, "Wow. Lots -o- shoes." Unless, of course, it's that hot piercing guy from another country or state with the strawberries and chocolate....in which case, he ain't looking in my closet....'cause I've got him somewhere else!

Do you want to be married right now?
No. I'm not ruling it out, but probably no. I do know that I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, but I'm not sure I wanna be married. Mostly 'cause I might have to give him some of the closet space....

What’s bothering you right now?
obsessing about finding the piercing guy from another state or country...

Do people underestimate your intelligence?
Nope. I don't let them.

Do people underestimate you?
On first impression, yes. After first conversation, not very often.

Does it bother you when someone says they’ll call you and they don’t?
Duh! Don't tell me you'll call if you're not going to. And if you tell me I'm wonderful and you can't imagine waking up anywhere else, you'd better make sure you don't wake up anywhere else....

What are you doing tomorrow?
Grade writing samples. And stalking dudes from other states and countries...

Name a quote from the song you’re listening to:
"My morals got me on my knees..." Mercy, by Duffy. Mercy, mercy, me.

Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them?
There are people that are so beautiful on the outside that you just wanna hate em....and then you discover that they're just as (or more so) beautiful on the inside, and you just gotta love em.

Last time to the mall?
Mall? For what? I'm not a mall kinda gal....

Did you sing at all today?
Hel-LO!?!?!? Did you see above? Morals got me on my knees. I'm begging you for mercy. Go listen. seriously. It'll have you begging too.

Do you miss anyone?
Yes. He's in another state. Or country. With strawberries.

What side of a heart do you draw first?
Well, I draw the right side, but it's because I'm a lefty, and if I draw the left side, it gets smeared when I draw the right side....

Who has your heart?
Me. Because I don't want it broken again. But, before you get your panties in a twist, I'm only holding it - it ain't locked away anymore. When the right one asks for it, I'll hand it over. Hopefully, he'll remember to bring the strawberries...

How long has that person had it?
Since Christmas 2003.

Do you know how to use some words correctly?
Ummm.....I teach Middle School English. So, usually....yes. Although I have been know to screw up then/than and good/well whilst in a hurry. whatevah..... I know how to properly use "whom." Which makes me sound smart. Or pretentious. again, whatevah...

Do you like to sleep?
Yes -- although I REALLY like sleeping with a somebody other than the catbody.

Do you wear a lot of black?
Not really. Although I am fond of black undergarments....

Do you have a tan?
No. I am the original white-girl. I keep telling myself I will look fabulous at ninety...

Do you enjoy spending time with your mother?
Yes -- I just spent a week with her, and we talk every Saturday morning...

Do you like orange juice?
I like Sunny Delight better. More flavor - less bitter.

Where do you wish you were right now?
In bed. And yes, if you've been paying attention, you'd know with whom and with what.
(Notice the use of "whom." "My, isn't she clever?" you're thinking....)

Does your temper flare a lot?
No. But when it does, back-that-thang up, and get the frick outta the way!

Do you get emotional easily?
yes, I cry at the drop of a hat. Hell, I cry at commercials!

Do you like to cuddle?
Cuddling rocks. Don't believe me? Come on over, sweetie!

Which shoe goes on first?
Duh. That is the most stupid question ever. Whichever one I pick up first. I mean seriously, you pick up the left one, and you're gonna say, "Oops. I have to put this one down, and pick up the other one, because I always put the right one on first." That's just stupid.

Name one thing you do that people always tell you about?
1. I say, "You know" way too much.
2. I have an nasty/sexy/loud/____ laugh.
3. I talk about going to the store - a lot.
4. I have a hard time only saying one thing.

Can you sleep without blankets covering you?
Nope. Because the bogeyman might get me.

How much money do you have on you?
None. 'cause I don't have any pockets, and it would just look silly if I licked and sticked bills and coins all over my body.
yes, I know "sticked" ain't a word, but it sounded good. again, whatevah....

Close your eyes.. what image do you see?
A strawberry. ::sigh:: I think I'm gonna be going to the store tonight...

Last piece of mail you got?
He had lovely brown hair, blue eyes, and a great set--
oh....not that kind of male.
does email count?

How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
sleep is for woosies. Bring it on -- I can stay up all night. Can you?

Last trip you took to the zoo?
I don't need to go to the zoo -- my life is a zoo. Besides, I live in the country: horses, cats, snakes, frogs, eagles, hawks, owls. and it's free.

Name things you absolutely cannot stand:
Hel-LO!?!?!? Are you NOT listening!?!?!? FOOD TOUCHING!!!!! But at least I'm not one of those weirdos that eat all of one food before eating the next thing.....although, come to think of it, those weirdos might have strawberries....and chocolate.....

Did you have a nap today?
Yes. And it was wonderful.

Are you comfortable with answering personal questions?
Yes -- although people are often uncomfortable with my answers.

When is the last time you had ice cream?
Last week during Camp Surf, at Cowabunga Ice Cream in San Diego. Chocolate chip and Rainbow Sherbet.
Ice Cream can touch a little bit.... as long as they don't, like, mix...

Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
Let's go see: 1......2.......3......4.....crunch! ::sigh:: yes. And some live in other states.....and countries......with strawberries....and chocolate......and whipped piercings.....::sigh:: I am working myself up here...

Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
Again with the choices!?!?!?!? Let's just go with, "yes." Please.

What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Mine. Sometimes I'm a rebel and sleeping on the other side. I'm such a baaadddd girl, eh?

Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?
No -- Driving and puking is gross. But I've had to pull over for someone else to puke.

Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
No. Not for money. Although I might be persuaded with strawberries, choc--

Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
Yes. Again, why settle for "Brad OR George" when you could have both-okay, maybe that analogy doesn't work so well here.

Do you love someone in your friends list?
Do I? no Could I? yes. Definitely, yes.

Do you know all the people in your friends list?
MySpace - yes. Facebook - I have physically met all but 2. Blog - well, we've all been writing together for so long, that even though I haven't physically met them, I can emphatically state that, "Yes, I KNOW them."


Would you rather go camping or to a 5 star hotel?
The "where" isn't as important as the "who" I'm going with...

Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
Okay smartypants, you choose: driver seat of a Honda CR-V or a Cessna 182. Both were traveling in excess of 70 MPH.

Ever had sex in the bathroom?
yes - but not a public bathroom, 'cause that's just gross.

Have you ever had sex at work?
not since I worked at the Drop Zone packing parachutes...

Ever been caught having sex?
Who hasn't?

Does anyone have naughty pictures of YOU?
I'm not gonna say a definite yes, but I'll tell you who doesn't: Voldemort!

Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
Nope. But I know a guy who called everyone "Darling" so he didn't have just such an embarrassing moment. He never called me "Darling"......and his first wife's name was Jane.

Who do you think has the guts to repost this?
Doesn't take guts.....just time....maybe Lime and Kfarmer.

A Surf Quickie

::sigh::
I leave for Nebraska on Monday to see the folks, and want to get a few pics up on my surf trip.
First, I am lucky to be alive.
Seriously.
First, I got attacked by a HUGE octopus. Remember that one in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea? It was THAT big -- it pulled me off my surf board and wrestled me to the bottom of the ocean. I am amazed I got away.
Don't believe me, eh? Look for yourself! Okay -- SOME people said I just got clobbered by a killer wave. But I'm sticking with my story -- it is much more exciting.

I will have to wait for pictures of me surfing and body boarding (why is it so hard for me to remember to give my camera to others?) -- but here's a few I managed to get on my camera.

Here is me with one of the teens I took down. Be afraid.....be very afraid. Actually, he's a really sweet guy....he just has really sharp and really pointy hair.

We went bay kayaking and surf kayaking. "What are the similarities and differences?" you ask. "Easy," I respond, "in both, I am the person in the back. However, in
Bay kayaking:

No Waves.

whereas whilst Surf Kayaking

BIG WAVES!

Big waves that try to kick your a$$, but don't stand a chance, because, after all, you are, AirplanefrickingJayne.

'nuff said.