10 years ago.
“Erynn? Do you think you can tell if Mummy stops breathing?”
Yup! Here we go again, with another one of “those” stories: APj in dire straits (future, not the band) and facing possible death. I had not been feeling well: Fever, racing pulse, elevated blood pressure, dizzy. After a few days, I had gone to the doctor, who had run some blood tests. He said I had Graves Disease – a thyroid problem. He told me it could be serious – that I had to get treatment for it – but that he couldn’t do a thing about it for two weeks. I figured, “Bloody hell! Two weeks!?!? Must not be that serious…” And yet, two days and one evening later, there I sat on the couch, asking my then-9-year-old daughter if she would be able to tell if I was dead….
Realizing that I wasn’t being fair to Erynn, and was in fact scaring the shit out of her, I called a neighbor to take me to the Emergency Room. As I was wheeled into the Emergency Room, I flashed
--not that kind of flash, dirty Rogues!
--I flashed my test results. My resting pulse was 140 beats per minute. My blood pressure was 190/110. The doctor said I was lucky that I didn’t have a stroke or heart attack.
Eighteen months of grueling quasi-holistic treatment followed. One of the most unpleasant side effects was a 30 pound weight gain in 45 days. But, on the pleasant side, I now have a fully functional thyroid. No medication or surgery necessary, although my thyroid now operates at a snail’s pace – making weight issues a constant battle.
5 years ago
Easy one! The millennium! I had been working as an assistant Controller for the same company for 17 years, but I had always said, “Someday, I’m going back to school to be a teacher.” Unfortunately, my someday had kept getting delayed – for one reason or the other. But this was the year I turned 40 (Oh lordy, do the math!!!) “Jayne,” I told my self sternly, “This is it. You either go back and get your teaching credential, or you just shut up about the teaching thing!”
Most of you have figured out that -- I JUST CAN’T SHUT UP!!!!!!
So – I went back to school! I received my bachelor’s degree in Business Management (yeah, I know – doesn’t fit with the personality, eh?) and then started the credential program. It took 2 ½ years to do it all – but I did. And yes, I’m very proud of myself, thank you very much.
1 year ago
Okay, I’m gonna tell this story – but ya’ gotta promise to keep it quiet: Ya’ see, I kinda tricked “the boys” down south into throwing me a birthday party…..Remember, I have told you before, I AM very shallow…..
The “whole gang” had got together down south to go see some friend in their show called
She-Haw. Fantastic show, fantastic time, and fanfrickintastic friends. I was bemoaning to Superman Steve the fact that we hardly ever all got together, especially “the boys” – Drew and Ryan.
Side note – Drew and Ryan are very successful businessmen in “the industry” down south, but they have become quite reclusive. Drew just doesn’t like to go out in public anymore.
So Steve and I decided that I would call Ryan and tell him that we wanted to all get together for my birthday and to pick a restaurant that Drew would go to. Of course, Steve and I knew that Drew wouldn’t go, but that maybe, just maybe, Ryan would decide that everyone could come to their place for a drink. Which is what happened. Only Drew elevated “drink event” to “a grand soiree!” Little, and not so little, waiters carrying yummy scrumdillyiscious things to eat. Hot and even hotter cocktail (heh-heh, I said, “cock”)waiters filling glasses with champagne and other alcoholic pleasures. Music in the background. Absolutely the best birthday I’ve had…..to date.
And yes, I do feel guilty about tricking them…..but only a little. SHHHHHH, remember: don’t tell!
Kicked my first student out of class today – after he threatened to kick some kid’s ass, and mine too. I told him that I was the last person he wanted to tango with, and sent him marching. His parting remark was, “Well, I wouldn’t want to dance with you anyway.”
That’s just fine Josh—I wouldn’t wanna dance with you either – your sagging pants look like baby diapers.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could’ve said that to him!?!?!?!?
5 songs I know (almost!) all the words to 1)Somewhere Over the Rainbow by Judy Garland. My favorite movie of all time. The song still can make me cry. Many days, I want to fly over the rainbow – ‘cause if birds fly over the rainbow, why then, oh why can’t I?
2) Friday I’m in Love by The Cure. I’ve loved this song since it came out. What’s even more hysterical is that my 20 year old daughter stole my Cure CD and love’s them too.
3) Moonshadow by Cat Stevens. Okay, I discovered this song somewhere around early sr high school. I sang this song while I was pregnant and when I delivered Erynn. It also was Erynn’s lullaby. 4) At Seventeen by Janis Ian. This was MY song in high school! 5) Paradise by the Dashboard Light by Meatloaf. “Ain’t no doubt about it we were doubly blessed. Cause we were barely seventeen and we were barely —we’re gonna go all the way tonight, we’re gonna go all the way tonight, tonight! Stop right there!!!
Need I say more?
5 snacks 1) chocolate 2) Jelly beans 3) something else chocolate 4) chips and salsa, and finally, of course 5)something chocolate.
5 things I do with $100,000,000 1) Setup a college scholarship for normal average people that never qualify for grants, loans, or scholarships of other kinds. 2) Get the fat sucked out of my fat spots, cause dammit I am shallow, so I want to look more shallow!!! 3) Buy a cruise around the world (or something) and take all my friends, and Brad Pitt, on the trip of their/his lifetime. 4) Buy a lifetime supply of airline “fly anywhere” tickets so I could fly to see family and friends anytime I wanted, without having to worry about the money! Finally, I think 5) I’d buy the world a coke, ‘cause it’s the real thing.
5 places I’d run away to 1) Anywhere my Mom is, because even though we run away from home in our youth, it’s where we run to as adults. 2) Fiji, because I’ve been there once, and found it really relaxing and fun. 3) Australia, because I’ve always wanted to go there, and maybe do one of those Outback Adventures. 4) Italy – hey! I saw that movie with Diane Lane – I want a villa, dammit! And 5) England – cause they know how to celebrate my birthday right proper, they do!
5 things I’d never wear: 1) plaid pants. I don’t care how “in vogue” they may become, they look like bad golfer pants. 2) Cowboy boots – nope! And hey, I’ve got horses, and I ride (horses, you dirty boys, horses!), but them boots make my feet look 10 miles long. And they make me walk funny. 3) “Teacher themed clothes” You know, those cute clothes with apples, busses, pencils, etc? Nope, nope, nope. Daughter has orders to shoot to kill if she spots me in inappropriate garb. 4) Red lipstick. Wrong shade for me. 5) Blue eyeshadow. Although, I do remember that electric blue eyeshadow from junior high with much fondness…..
5 favorite TV shows: Okay, but this may switch, depending upon my mood. 1) Alias 2) Lost 3) House 4) Medium 5) NCIS possible replacements include: Prisonbreak, Reunion, Survivor, Amazing Race
5 greatest joys 1) my daughter Erynn has grown into a fantastic young women 2) graduating 2nd in my class in college at the ripe age of 42. 3) my family that always loves and supports me. And they think I can do anything! 4) I have my dream job! 5) my friends seem to accept and luv me, even though I am quite shallow.
5 toys 1) Scrabble 2) my computer 3) my riding lawnmower 4) my razor sharp wit 5) My imagination
5 people I’m tagging Okay, this is so not fair – only because I don’t know all the folks that everyone else seems to, and the people I do know have been tagged or are tagging people I was going to tag (thanks kien). Hmmm, can I pretend to tag Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp? Okay, two down, three to go. Aha! Rules Schmules! I'll just tag 'em anyway!! Okay, that leaves Jade ed, Star Sadie and Vert. Tag! You are so it!