Monday, September 05, 2005

Are You Down with O.P.P.?????

A recent post on Lelly 's site showed what could possibly be one of my worst nightmare’s come true –
--no, not the one where I actually get the chance to meet Brad Pitt in person and as soon as I shake his hand all my teeth fall out

--I mean my potty nightmares.

Ah yes, I can see you scratching your head, “Potty nightmares? APj has nightmares about toilets?”

No, not about toilets….more about the lack of them.

You see, I have potty issues, primarily:
1. Have trouble going on OPP. No, you nasty Rogue’s, not “that” OPP, for me it means Other People’s Potty’s.
2. Can’t do certain potty things on toilet other than my own.

This of course, has worked its way into my subconscious mind, and into my dream world. I don’t want to tell you how many dream interpretation books I’ve bought trying to figure this potty thing out. Perhaps one of you can help. Here’s some of my

Prevalent Potty Predicaments:

Dream #1
I am cleaning my house. I decided to make it a very thorough cleaning, and I’m taking everything out of the closet.
“Heyyyy….I don’t remember this door here….what the fu--?”
I open this forgotten door in the back of my closet, to find a forgotten bathroom. It is amazing! It has a separate dressing area, a vanity, toilet, sink, tub and separate shower. It is a beautiful room – but it is covered in mold, dirt, and scum because of non-use. I get the cleanser and start scrubbing, but when I turn on the faucet, brown water and spiders come out. But I’m determined to reclaim this room. “How could I have forgotten a room as lovely as this?”


Dream #2
I am refinishing my bathroom. It is a wonderful bathroom, with a flush toilet, sunken tub and roman sink. There are trees planted around the tub, and birds perch above and sing. Of course, it will now be perfect, since I am building four foot fence across the front, so that no one will be able to see me when I sit down for a pee. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you: the bathroom is located in the breezeway next to my house.
YIKES!!!!!!!

Dream #3
I have to pee. I have to pee so bad, but there is no toilet in my house. “I know!” I think to myself, “I’ll go over to _______________ (insert Linda, Edwina, Steve, Donna, Mom, Cindy, BeeBop-a-Loo-Loo) ‘s house and use their Loo.”
On the way to ___________________(insert name from above) ‘s house, I am delayed by looting robbers, crying children, flying aliens (that one was very interesting), Brad Pitt (that one would have been very enjoyable, but please remember, I had to pee), or just plain faulty memory: “where was I going?” “Hmmm, there was somewhere I was heading that was important….damn, I gotta pee….Oh yeah! That’s where I was going!”
I finally arrive at _______________________(okay, you should get this by now: insert name, yada-yada…) ‘s house, only to find a line for the toilet – or a cue for the Loo. So I wait….and I wait. “Finally!” I sigh, after waiting for minutes/hours/days (hey, depends on the dream). I step into the bathroom, to find
1. The door won’t close
2. There is no door
3. There is a man standing in the bathtub watching me (that one was very strange)
4. The person that used the Loo before me has taken the toilet.

NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so there you have it: APj has potty issues. Please keep this in mind when I come to visit……

6 comments:

gamepower said...

Nannies and New Jersey: What's on tonight
The second week of the US Open starts today, and USA has coverage starting at 7pm.
Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!

I have a poker party poker site. It pretty much covers poker party poker related stuff.

Come and check it out if you get time :-)

lecram sinun said...

OK... the spam that beat me to the punch should have read " potty party poker ." lol!

Anyway, these dreams give more insight into your need for Sanka! Just kidding. Those are interesting dreams... the last one is sort of a strange variation of the "actor's nightmare".

BTW how was Tahoe... meet any there?

airplanejayne said...

me!?!?!?
meet somebody!?!?!?

you've got to be kidding.....

okay, okay, there was an old guy in a wheelchair, no legs, barely any lungs (but still smoking a cigarette), spitting into a cup while he gambled his change, that seemed to be interested....

but he might have just wanted my lungs...

--story of my life.

:)

scarysquirrelman said...

uh, just a thought. throw the dream interpretation books into the loo (or whoever's loo you can find). sometimes a pee is just a pee. oh, and go before you get into bed. most of my pee dreams end up with me awakening and saying to myself "wow, what a hell of a boner i've got! oh, it's because i have to piss like a racehorse!" the ones that don't awaken me...well, i appreciate my 79 year old father a lot more.
by the way, jennifer aniston says brad pitt really smells, as in body odor. and billy bob thornton says having sex with angelina jolie is like having sex with a couch (haven't quite figured that one out yet).

Lelly said...

I don't have potty issues, but I do have really weird dreams (I mean REALLY weird...like yours!:)...how many more things can we have in common??
Nice to see you're back!

airplanejayne said...

lecram - potty poker would have been more financially rewarding that Tahoe, but not as beautiful.

SSM - yeah, I don't get the couch thing either. But frankly, I don't care what Brad smells like.....oops - did ya' say sumptin? I musta gone to the store!!!

lelly - well, as soon as you answer your "tag" from your cuz, I guess we'll find more things in common!!!

:)