Thursday, November 02, 2006
Errr…..sorry it’s been so long. I kinda got dragged/drugged?
--No, definitely not drugged….I would have remembered that--
--into a grove.
Hobb’s Grove, to be exact. My good friend Lore owns and operates what I think is the scariest Halloween haunt this side of Transylvania.
My daughter, Erynn, worked there one year and lost her voice. Next day her teacher asked her why she was so hoarse. Erynn’s reply? “I lost my voice screaming and chasing people with a knife through the kitchen….” Yes….I did receive a phone call…..
--But back to Lore – she called halfway through her “run” with a plea for help. She needed me to come handle the money. Hmm…..a chance to be Scrooge McDuck and count loads of money? Sure! But it meant I was teaching during the day, and counting $$ til passed midnight. Bone tired. Ha-ha….I said bone…..
And then other night was Halloween. Can I just say, I love Halloween? I do! I love decorating, although time got away from me this season (see excuse #1 above). I used to take all the neighbor kids trick-or-treating on a flatbed trailer (out here in the country, the houses are fa-a-a-r-r-r apart). I love dressing up. The other night, I was Dorothy. As in “Wizard of Oz” Dorothy….but, well….it was kinda Hoochie Dorothy…or maybe Oz Afterhours…….
I remember one costume from college – I went as WonderWoman. Costume came from Fredricks of Hollywood. So, yes, I guess it would have been HoochieWonderWoman (hmmmm…seeing a personal pattern I wasn’t aware of….). Great costume! Tiny bikini bottom and halter top (and I was forty pounds lighter), five-inch platforms, red stripes in hair. Uh-huh – DEFINITELY HoochieWonderfulWoman. Feeling all superheroine and all strutting around…..took off platforms…….and proceeded to step on the handle of a pair of scissors (with left foot) and imbed the blade of said scissors into my right foot. Severing an artery.
Did you know artery blood will shoot up over two feet? Yup. It can. Yup. It did.
Tied towels around gusher (formerly known as Jayne’s foot) and headed to the hospital. Upon reaching the Emergency Room I realized that HoochieWonderWoman was probably going to be mistaken for HookerWenchWoman, and insisted that my friends go and procure an acceptable gown for me. Doctors, Mom and friends all had a fantastic laugh at my expense. If I’d have had that Truth Lasso I would have hung them all…
I was on crutches for 6 weeks because of the artery damage. I grew so tired of the following exchange -
Stranger: Sorry you’re on crutches. Skiing accident?
Me: No. I stepped on a pair of scissors—
Stranger: Scissors!?!?! How did you do that?
Me: Well, I took off my Wonderwoman shoes—
Stranger: WonderWoman? Ya’ wanna rope me with your lasso of truth?
Me: Why, so you really have to tell me how much of an ass you are?