CAN O' WHUP ASS

SGL suggested that I needed to open a can of whup ass. So I went shopping -- and yes it's true: you CAN buy anything on the Internet.

I'm getting my new propane water heater installed tomorrow -- YEAH!!!! No more hauling water in buckets, or showering at the jim--err, gym. I need to wash clothes, do the dishes, change the linens, etc. But top o da list: hot shower for Laura -- err, half-pint -- err APthefrickingJ!

Went to see Tale's End at the Turtledove theatre -- looks to be a good show at the Rogue.

and....speaking of the Rogue..... life is going to get Roguishly busy here -- we had a volunteer meeting this weekend (note to all -- we need you -- YES, YOU!) Got money to round up, stages to rent and build, flyers to post, and money to carry and spend. Dangerous job -- that carrying of money(thanks Mustang! looking forward to using you again!!). Had a really great body guard from London last year. Hoping he's for hire again.

So....perhaps SGL was right! I did need to open that can......

FORGET FRONTIER GIRL....LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX!

I knew that would get your attention.

Not that I give much credence to horoscopes and all, but let's just take a moment and see how APJ stacks up:

Yes, yes, APJ, born on the 5th of November, is a Scorpio. Yes, right again! Guy Fawkes Day - the firstborn of Anarchists -- or true Freedom Fighters and

--psst!

who's there?

--just the voice in your head

which one?

--Duh. The cute one, of course. Did you know that "Rebelliousness against all conventions, political extremism to the point where hatred of the Establishment makes the SCORPIO an utterly unscrupulous terrorist?"

says who?

--says the Signs of the Zodiac

cool! What else does SotZ say about me?

--well, this is kinda like above. It says here that, "Scorpios need great self-discipline, because they are able to recognize the qualities in themselves that make them different from other humans, and to know their utterly conventional natures can be used for great good, or great evil."

egads! I can almost see Dr. Evil with his "quotation marks" Come on! I'm not all that bad. Maybe.....maybe I'm all that good!! Like a superhero!

--well, it says here that you do have a super power--

really! a superpower!?!? What is it? Tell me!

--Be patient (yes, yes, not one of your gifts).....let me read down a bit....hmmmm....here it is -- "Scorpios sometimes possess penetrating eyes which make their shyer companions feel naked and defenseless before them."

Wait a fricking minute! Are you telling me that I can make shy guys feel naked and defenseless? Really!?!? I think I'm gonna start staring a whole lot more-- I can almost feel the power rising--

--Yup! there's stuff on that too! According to SotZ, "Scorpios are the most intense, profound, powerful characters in the zodiac. Even when they appear self-controlled and calm there is a seething intensity of emotional energy under the placid exterior. They are like the volcano not far under the surface of a calm sea, it may burst into eruption at any moment."

Wow. I thought that was just sexual frustra--

--how is it you always manage to bring it back to sex!?!?!? Normal people bring it back to Do Re Mi, but you! You always gotta go there -- Fine. Fine. Here ya' go, pervert -- here's the sex part: "Scorpio is the symbol of sex and Scorpios are passionate lovers, the most sensually energetic of all the signs. Their overriding urge in loving is to use their power--"

power!?!?! I get to use my superpower eyeballs to make them naked and defenseless?

--no. you do not. You "use power to penetrate beyond themselves and to lose themselves sexually in their partners in an almost mystical ecstasy, thus discovering the meaning of that union which is greater than individuality, and is a marriage of the spirit as well as of flesh."

.............

.........

......
...

.....sorry......went to the store.....

--so....big shot -- since you got me all worked up, what's my horoscope say for today?

A magical quintile between beautiful Venus and opulent Jupiter sets the stage for sensual enjoyment. We are more likely now to take direct action, as the best opportunities look better and better with passing time. However, keep in mind that the long-term effects of yesterday's Jupiter-Uranus Square can have us chasing imaginary rainbows throughout the year.Keep in mind that your desires originate within your unconscious mind. Shine the light of awareness onto your hidden emotions. You can defuse an uncomfortable situation by saying what hasn't yet been said.

Okay all ya'll, don't remember chasing rainbows, imaginary or not, anywhere near my or Uranus yesterday.......but I'm willing to use my superpowers to shine the light on any emotions that may be trying to hide. And, although the anarchist in me would rather defuse or detonate a bomb, I will try to be brave and say what hasn't been said (yet).....when the opportunity arises.....

JUST CALL ME LAURA FRICKING INGALLS WILDER!

So.....it has been one week since I time travelled back to the 19th century. I remember fondly watching "Little House on the Prairie." I loved Michael Landon,

- and why not!?!?!? after all, his first name is Michael

-loved the cute prairie dresses, the simplicity of the time. "Gee," I would think to myself, "It was so much easier then--"

"EASIER!?!?!?!?" I mutter each evening as I go to the gym to showe--err---to work out and THEN shower.

"W.T.F.!?!?!?!" I complain each morning and evening as I fill my 5 gallon buckets with water from the outside tank to fill house toilets with -- so they'll flush.

Hmmmm! Betcha some of youse didn't think about that, eh?

So -- the latest update, I got an outrageous quote from the solar company, and should know tomorrow how much, if any, they will cover.

Either way, tomorrow:

"To Solar or not to Solar, that is the question....."

Murphy's Weekend

Murphy came to stay this weekend. Do you know Murphy? He's quite famous -- he's written his own Law -- and people often quote it.
"You know Murphy's Law...."

And there he was -- staying at the Ranchette! I know I should be flattered, but I'm not.


I went to bed around 11:30 Saturday night. I knew it was going to be a cold one -- frost warnings everywhere, and the wind machines running to keep the oranges from freezing. Imagine my surprise when I awoke at 2:00 AM - FREEZING! "Hmmmm....I'm not an orange, so why am I freezing?" I asked myself. I crept out of bed to go bump the thermostat up. Imagine my horror and shock upon seeing that the temperature INSIDE my house was 52 degrees.

Yes, 52 degrees. Long story short, the propane company "forgot" to deliver propane last week. And since it has be fanfricking cold, I ran out of propane. No propane, no heat. "No problem!" I told Murphy -- who had appeared, grinning, out of nowhere. "That's what a fireplace is for!" I smugly pulled my boots and robe on and made a dash outside (24 degrees) for wood.

Thinking I had the entire problem solved -- propane set to be delivered on Tuesday -- I set about my business on Monday.
::Ring! Ring!::

"Hello?"
"Ms. Jayne? This is Susan. It seems your solar has busted -- and all the water is streaming down your roof."

Long story short -- again -- It appears that Murphy was not satisfied with freezing Jayne, he wants stinky Jayne too. The solar panel froze and broke the water line. I've had to shut the water off at the outside tank - which means......yes...you've got it! No water in the house. No water in the toilet. No water. So, until it's fixed it means showers at the jim -- err, gym and filling the toilet prior to flushing the toilet.

postscript I escorted Murphy to the gate, and watched him leave. I'm sure he'll try to double back.