THE APj PREAKNESS

So.... I own three horses: Rio, Lady and Bunny. I don't ride much anymore. Mostly because I get bored riding around in circles on my propery, and I don't like riding alone. Ya know, like most things, doing it "alone" can get kinda dull...

Those of you who have been out to the ranch can attest to their sweet nature.

Rio is a thoroughbred, and a retired racehorse. Even though he is 23 years old, he still thinks of himself as Secretariat. Bunny and Lady are quarter-horses. Quarter horses are called that because they are known for their speed in the quarter-mile.

Here's one of my favorite stories:

"Hey, ya' wanna race?" Voldemort challenged, as he zoomed by on Lady.

"No," I retorted, holding Rio back, "You know I'm trying to calm him down! Why do you always do that?"

"Chicken!" he answered, "You just are afraid you'll lose."

Competition was always a large part of our relationship....hey, with two Scorpios, what else would you expect? But I had spent two years working with Rio - trying to calm him down. He did love to run, though. Often, at the end of a ride, I would "let him go" in the 100 acre field behind us. Rio and I would just run - racing the wind.

But Voldemort was itching for a real race. He would come up next to us, taunting and teasing.

"Did you know that quarterhorses are faster than thoroughbreds?"

"You're just afraid she'll beat you, huh?"

Rio and I finally had enough. We were ready to put them in their place.

"Fine!" I replied, "we accept your challenge!"

The race was planned - and the course was laid and checked: the soft dirt track was bounded by the road on the east, and the grape field to the west. A quarter mile exactly in length. Since we didn't have a starting gate (this being the Madera Ranchos and not the Kentucky Derby), neighbors were enlisted to be the official start and finish lines.

"GO!"

And they're off! Oh! Bad start for APj riding Rio (formally known as Rialto Park). He seemed a little bothered by the starting flag. That meant a good start for Voldemort, riding Just My Lady. But wait -- what's this? Barely four strides and Rio is catching -- pardon, make that passing -- holy cow?!?!?!? How fast is he!!!!!!! Crimenently! With not even a third of the course run, it looks like APj is breaking the sound barrier and leaving a stunned Voldemort and Lady in the dust.!"

Yup. That's right. Eat my dust, fothermucker. Eat my dust.