Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Wanting some.....pie....

I’m not fond of nuts.
Not in my cookies, not in my brownies, and definitely not in my ice cream. A handful of nuts to snack on is fine – I just don’t like them mixing with other things. Nuts separate:okay. Nuts in things: not okay.

Why the sudden interest in nuts? Well, my friend, Jade took me to a new restaurant she found. She ordered the chicken, even though the waiter tried to convince her to try the lasagna. I ordered a nice Greek salad. I like Greek salad – some sun-dried tomatoes, kalmatta olives, feta cheese – it’s all good. I was happy!!

Okay, okay, I was satisfied and comfortable with my choice, until that damn waiter showed up, all smiles and asked, “Would you like some pecan pie for dessert?” “No thank you,” I responded politely, “ I don’t really care for nuts.” “Are you sure?” he persisted, “it is the best in town.” “No, “ I firmly declined, “perhaps next time.”

And then Jade tells me how good the pecan pie is. How much everyone loves the pecan pie, and perhaps I ought to try the pecan pie. I look at that dessert cart as he walks away, and yes – it does look like a nice slice of pie. “Hmm,” I think to myself, “perhaps I am mature enough to like nuts in things.” So I decide to try the pecan pie the next time we go out for lunch.

Hours pass. Days pass. Weeks pass, and I keep thinking about that pecan pie. How all those nuts are stuck together in a gooey sweet mess, and pressed firmly into that crust. I wonder if their crunchy or mushy? They look crunchy – but looks can be deceiving. I wonder how sweet that gooey stuff is – perhaps not sweet at all. What if it’s really bitter? What if that salt from the nuts makes the gooey stuff salty? Hmmm – maybe that’s why they put whip cream on top – I wonder if it’s real whip cream – or just Cool Whip? Should I use a fork or a spoon – or just use my hands? Yes, yes, I was obsessed with the pecan pie.

So I decide to go and try the pecan pie. I go to the restaurant, and that same waiter comes over. I start to order my Greek salad, and decide to forego the main course. Damn it, I came for the pecan pie, I’ll just start with dessert! (What a rebel!)
“Would you like the Greek salad?”
“No, thank you. I think I’d like to try the pecan pie.”
“Pecan pie?”
“Yes, please.”
“We don’t serve pecan pie.”
“But just a few weeks ago, you suggested I try the pecan pie—“
“Ma’am, I don’t know what you’re talking about. We don’t serve pecan pie. Perhaps you’d like a nice slice of lemon meringue?”

I hate nuts….

5 comments:

lecram sinun said...

Is this a new chain of Twilight Zone restaurants you girls are going to? Do all the waiters look like Rod Sterling?

"Submitted for your approval... a pecan pie..."

Lelly said...

Only one reponse to this Jayne...and that's ...your NUTS! (boom-boom!)

the_mrs said...

Whaaat? Why was there no pecan pie? Is your friend playing a cruel joke on you? Did she pay off the waiter to say 'There's no pie'?

That's weird...

Mustang said...

A SET-UP!!!

Clearly APJ the waiter was in cahoots with your girlfriend. There is evil afoot, as they are trying to convert your nut-aversion into nut-addiction.

EVIL DOERS ARMED WITH NUT PIE...

Oh Great Farboozle...will they stop at nothing???

What next??? Will they hide the pie in the lower cabinet, forcing our heroine to confront two psychological traumas at once??

Rebel Good APJ, strike deep against these evil-doers...RESIST NUTS!!!!

M

airplanejayne said...

pssttt....
the pie.....
was a guy......

sigh.....
but I didn't die...
didn't even cry....
it prob'ly was a lie
my-o-my!

Lecram: yes - my entire life seems to have been one big T.Z. episode.

Lelly: they weren't my nuts - they belonged to a guy. Ohh!! you meant YOU'RE nuts...heh-heh, English teacher humor.

The Mrs. - yes. friends were cruel by suggesting the pie as an option.

Mustang: As usual, you are the sole/soul voice of reason! I'm sure I can depend upon you to defend my honor, my nuts, and the Rogue cash......