I’m not fond of nuts.
Not in my cookies, not in my brownies, and definitely not in my ice cream. A handful of nuts to snack on is fine – I just don’t like them mixing with other things. Nuts separate:okay. Nuts in things: not okay.
Why the sudden interest in nuts? Well, my friend, Jade took me to a new restaurant she found. She ordered the chicken, even though the waiter tried to convince her to try the lasagna. I ordered a nice Greek salad. I like Greek salad – some sun-dried tomatoes, kalmatta olives, feta cheese – it’s all good. I was happy!!
Okay, okay, I was satisfied and comfortable with my choice, until that damn waiter showed up, all smiles and asked, “Would you like some pecan pie for dessert?” “No thank you,” I responded politely, “ I don’t really care for nuts.” “Are you sure?” he persisted, “it is the best in town.” “No, “ I firmly declined, “perhaps next time.”
And then Jade tells me how good the pecan pie is. How much everyone loves the pecan pie, and perhaps I ought to try the pecan pie. I look at that dessert cart as he walks away, and yes – it does look like a nice slice of pie. “Hmm,” I think to myself, “perhaps I am mature enough to like nuts in things.” So I decide to try the pecan pie the next time we go out for lunch.
Hours pass. Days pass. Weeks pass, and I keep thinking about that pecan pie. How all those nuts are stuck together in a gooey sweet mess, and pressed firmly into that crust. I wonder if their crunchy or mushy? They look crunchy – but looks can be deceiving. I wonder how sweet that gooey stuff is – perhaps not sweet at all. What if it’s really bitter? What if that salt from the nuts makes the gooey stuff salty? Hmmm – maybe that’s why they put whip cream on top – I wonder if it’s real whip cream – or just Cool Whip? Should I use a fork or a spoon – or just use my hands? Yes, yes, I was obsessed with the pecan pie.
So I decide to go and try the pecan pie. I go to the restaurant, and that same waiter comes over. I start to order my Greek salad, and decide to forego the main course. Damn it, I came for the pecan pie, I’ll just start with dessert! (What a rebel!)
“Would you like the Greek salad?”
“No, thank you. I think I’d like to try the pecan pie.”
“We don’t serve pecan pie.”
“But just a few weeks ago, you suggested I try the pecan pie—“
“Ma’am, I don’t know what you’re talking about. We don’t serve pecan pie. Perhaps you’d like a nice slice of lemon meringue?”
I hate nuts….