Thursday, June 08, 2006

Sometimes, you just k-n-o-w....

It used to freak Voldemort out – I would “just know” things: One time I hounded him for a week – I knew there was something—but he wouldn’t fess up. He kept saying it was nothing. And then he came home…..with a $4000 horse. Anoher time: he was working the graveyard shift (as a cop) – I bolted out of bed, ran to the phone and told him to “be careful about the bridge. The white bridge right after you come over a small hill.” “Honey, “ (that was back when there was love…), “Honey, there aren’t any bridges or hills out here! It’s just a bad dream. Go back to sleep….” He said it didn’t dawn on him until the drive home….as he crested a small hill, he quickly slammed on the brakes just as he came over the top of the hill…….and found a little white bridge over a small creek (swollen to a raging river) was washed out.

But that should all be over, right? I shouldn’t be “in tune” anymore, right?

Wrong. I’ve had a feeling over the past few weeks – that something bad was going to happen with Voldemort. I actually was afraid that I was going to run into him somewhere/see him/etc.

But there he was – on the front section of the local paper. “Officer involved shooting/fatality.” Looking at the picture – I knew he was involved. I called our daughter and told her to call her dad, and to call his folks (they don’t talk to him nowadays either).

An hour later, Voldemort called.
Erynn called. Did she see the news?
No. I called her because I saw it in the paper.”
The paper said I was involved?”
No. I just knew.”
You still know things? Like before?”
Yeah. Are you okay?”
He proceeded to give me details – that I really can’t share. I could tell he was still shaken, so I let him talk. But I spent the afternoon freaking because I knew. I don’t want that bond with him. I don’t want to feel connected to him. . I’m glad he’s okay. Even though I’m glad he’s not in my life, I guess I really ain’t ready for him to not be alive.

So, my Rogues -- bear/bare with me. I'm a bit wobbly.


lime said...

well, he is still your daughter's father, so you know that whatever happens to him affects her. it can be so unnerving to just k-n-o-w certain things though, so i understand wishing it away.

lecram sinun said...

I perfectly understand more than just from the pedestrian angle... especially about the "connection" and "knowing" thing. We'll chat soon... probably even this afternoon.

Solitaire said...

You were in love with each other and that'll never change. There will always be a connection with him, wanted or not. Hang in there sweetie!

You rock!!!

BBQ this weekend???

Anonymous said...

Easy does it. Keep it simple. Lotsa hugs.

gloria jean said...

I had a very strange connection with someone like that once. The psychic connection faded as we became less and less involved in each other's lives to the point where I don't have intuitions about him at all anymore but we didn't have children together. I do imagine that yours will fade as well but who knows?

KaMotion said...

have that chat with Lecram and you'll feel more grounded. Remember to have some compassion for yourself. I agree with Kien. Keep it simple. And I'll throw out some more hugs for you.

Ms Bees Knees said...

dang girl, you have the most amazing support group of friends! you're blessed... or cursed ;)

i wish that i had a sixth sense. but alas, i am far from sensitive. try as i might, i get nothing!

jade ed girl said...

APjs wobble, but they don't fall down..:) (Hey, and if ya fall, I'll catch ya.) Much love!

Lelly said...

Chin up AJp, all your lovely chums are there for you.
PS I've tagged you...and the subject is spookily pertinent! (Posted BEFORE tagging you!)

Lelly said...

I meant APj, of course! (who is AJp??)