Monday, June 05, 2006

Ten Little Letters....

I got this idea over at addict's place. Actually, Lecram told me about it, and thought it was right up my alley.

List ten things you want to say to ten people you know but you never will, for whatever reason…Don’t say who they are.Use each person only once:

1. You are my bright star – my quasar. I am so afraid that you will burn yourself out, or shoot across the sky in one final blaze of glory, and leave me (and the world) before your time. I am in awe of your talent, beauty, humor and grace. I love you, and will continue to do anything for you.

2. How active is your role in my day-to-day life? Why am I expected to give you credit for the good, but you have no responsibility for the bad? Is my Will really free?

3. I remember the first time I saw you: I think I was attracted to the attraction around you. Kind of like moths are drawn to a flame – they know on some level that it’s going to be the end of them, but they can’t help it; they’ve gotta “go to the light.” I knew that it was no good, and that I’d end up fried – but I stayed, basking in the light. And yes, I did get burned... But I’ve also rediscovered that I’m a pretty damn bright light myself. But not the burney/singey kind.

4. I wish I was attracted to you, because we share so much in common. But I’m not, so this is all the “this," that this will ever be.

5. Losing you hurt almost as bad as losing him. You were such an integral part of my life for 20 years, and to have that change in the span of one phone call was devastating. There are days when I find myself almost picking up the phone and calling you, but I don’t know if I’m ready (or if I’ll ever be ready) to have you in my life. But I am sorry that he doesn’t call you anymore. And I want you to know that I forgive you.

6. You know, he doesn’t deserve you, but I’m so glad he has you. He has blossomed into a wonderful, confident man, and that is due (largely) to you. I’m glad that I’ve had the opportunity over the past two years to get to know you.

7. I am sorry. I will shout it from whatever mountain top you desire. I never meant to hurt you, and I’m sorry you got hurt. I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve started to call to tell you something funny – and then stopped. Because I’m afraid you won’t answer the phone. Because I’m afraid you’ll say something mean. Because I’m afraid. Please can we move forward from this point? I miss you.

8. Please do not look back and focus on all the wouldacouldashoulda’s. You have had the biggest influence on my life. I am bullet-proof because you told me I was bullet-proof. I can succeed at anything because you believed I could. You are an amazing person.

9. When he left you, you never thought you’d be alone this long. He always said that you wouldn’t stay alone or lonely for long. So why are you still alone? Why are you still lonely? What is it that you are doing, or not doing? It’s time to shit or get off the pot. Now.

10. Am I attracted to the ripples on your surface, or the danger below? I want to swim the pools in your eyes, but I fear the sharks that may reside. There’s a crowd behind me that’s screaming “Dive, dive, dive!” I even hear that voice in my head encouraging me to try. But it is so-o-o-o- safe on the side of the pond. Perhaps if you take my hand…..

8 comments:

lecram sinun said...

Cool. Disd it help?

Mustang said...

Nicely said, nicely done.

M

addict said...

Speaking words gives them power... this is a very powerful post!

lime said...

some of those strike me as things that ought to be said...peace to you

Solitaire said...

Ooooh BBQ this weekend??? I'd love that! Let me know or have lecram call me and I'll do everything I can to get there. :-)

You rock APJ!

Ms Bees Knees said...

wow, how TOTALLY therapeutic! i may have to try this one myself. there are so many things i want to say and yet never say it! there is always that fear of hurting someone with the truth, you know?

airplanejayne said...

Lecram - yup, it helped. Thanks for pointing me to it.

Mustang - you are always so nice. why can't we clone you?

solitaire - check your rogue email -- I sent you my phone #! Come on out and burn some meat!!!

addict, lime - sometimes I have to practice things before I'm brave enough to say them. Just so fricking gunshy....

Lacquer, Semi-Gloss Lacquer said...
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