Lecram: FAB-U-LOUS!!!!

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THE APj PREAKNESS

So.... I own three horses: Rio, Lady and Bunny. I don't ride much anymore. Mostly because I get bored riding around in circles on my propery, and I don't like riding alone. Ya know, like most things, doing it "alone" can get kinda dull...

Those of you who have been out to the ranch can attest to their sweet nature.

Rio is a thoroughbred, and a retired racehorse. Even though he is 23 years old, he still thinks of himself as Secretariat. Bunny and Lady are quarter-horses. Quarter horses are called that because they are known for their speed in the quarter-mile.

Here's one of my favorite stories:

"Hey, ya' wanna race?" Voldemort challenged, as he zoomed by on Lady.

"No," I retorted, holding Rio back, "You know I'm trying to calm him down! Why do you always do that?"

"Chicken!" he answered, "You just are afraid you'll lose."

Competition was always a large part of our relationship....hey, with two Scorpios, what else would you expect? But I had spent two years working with Rio - trying to calm him down. He did love to run, though. Often, at the end of a ride, I would "let him go" in the 100 acre field behind us. Rio and I would just run - racing the wind.

But Voldemort was itching for a real race. He would come up next to us, taunting and teasing.

"Did you know that quarterhorses are faster than thoroughbreds?"

"You're just afraid she'll beat you, huh?"

Rio and I finally had enough. We were ready to put them in their place.

"Fine!" I replied, "we accept your challenge!"

The race was planned - and the course was laid and checked: the soft dirt track was bounded by the road on the east, and the grape field to the west. A quarter mile exactly in length. Since we didn't have a starting gate (this being the Madera Ranchos and not the Kentucky Derby), neighbors were enlisted to be the official start and finish lines.

"GO!"

And they're off! Oh! Bad start for APj riding Rio (formally known as Rialto Park). He seemed a little bothered by the starting flag. That meant a good start for Voldemort, riding Just My Lady. But wait -- what's this? Barely four strides and Rio is catching -- pardon, make that passing -- holy cow?!?!?!? How fast is he!!!!!!! Crimenently! With not even a third of the course run, it looks like APj is breaking the sound barrier and leaving a stunned Voldemort and Lady in the dust.!"

Yup. That's right. Eat my dust, fothermucker. Eat my dust.

Horrorscope for APj

Wednesday, June 13th, 2007 PST

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
A current relationship dilemma stems from how passionate you feel now. You want to share your emotions, but someone else prefers it when you hang out in the shallow end of the pool instead of diving into the deep water. You can get what you need by consciously talking about the most important things. Go where you must, but be gentle in your approach with others.

I know, I know!

"Those horoscope things are just silly"

"They're not real - they're just a scam."

blah-blah-blah.

then it goes and talks about me being comfortable in the shallow end!!!!

Hel-LO!?!?!? Who went and told 'em about that!?!?!?

Nightmares already!?!?!?!?

My dreams are exhausting.....
I'm either stuck in some deja-vu Lady with the Flashlight eyes saga or I'm searching for a potty.

But last nights was a doozie -- still trying to figure it out:

It's Thursday night -- It must the the first weekend in March -- 'cause I'm driving to Diana's South to deliver their money box.

Only....Diana's South is south of the border. as in Mexico.

Omigawd, I sent Katie to deliver Diana's North....where the frick is that now!?!?!?!?

So I'm driving at warp speed, cause I've got to be back to teach on Friday morning --

going over my schedule -- when I suddenly remember that I'm doing a show in the Rogue. (Crap! I knew I was forgetting something) I pull over to the side of the road just south of San Diego to check the Rogue Map -- and discover that my cafe show (the one I forgot to write) has been changed to a Mainstage show at.....wait for it......Diana's South.

Maybe this means I shouldn't do a show?

LADY JAYNE!

Right. Sorry. Been busy -- what with Erynn's graduation from college (woo-hoo), end of school year for me (bigger woo-hoo), yard work, et al....I've been slacking. and it is time to cease the slackage! After all, there is no time for slackage when you are known as:



My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Her Exalted Highness Duchess Apj the Mad of Bumswick by the Hole
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

err....not so sure I like this one....don't get me wrong: I like the exalted highness and all, but the references to being "mad" and having a wick up me bum ain't so appealing.....

Perhaps.....

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Viscountess Apj the Nimble of Westessexchestershire
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

being a countess (vis or otherwise) is good. Would love to be nimble enough for west (or east) sex.....but Chester!?!?!? puh-leaz.....


My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Venerable Lady Apj the Bloody of Leg over Wallop
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Hey....I'll put me bloody leg over, wallop or no wallop!

And after a leg over....wallop or no.....I'm looking for dessert. And....what better dessert than...

My Fortune Cookie told me: Individuals who make their abode in vitreous edifices would be well advised to refrain from catapulting projectiles. Get a cookie from Miss Fortune

So....I think this means if you live in a gooey crack, don't throw shit....or something like that.....