okay - I'm feeling a bit silly, so sue me. But I'm feeling like this is a pretty funny bunch, so I want ya' to post your favorite dumb, silly, stupid, whatever joke as a comment. This has been my favorite joke for over 30 years......swear:
Bob, the accountant, decides to give it all up, move to the country, and become a farmer. He decides that to be a farmer, ya' need three things: a chicken, a rooster, and a donkey. So Bob sells all his worldly possessions, buys a farm, and heads to the livestock yard one fine Saturday morning. He approaches a woman in front of a stall full of chickens.
"Pardon me," he inquires politely, " but I would like to purchase a chicken"
"Yessir. You's from town, right?"
"Yes, ma'am. Is that a problem?"
"No's, but round these here parts, we's don't calls em chickens. We's calls em pullits. You's wanna buy a pullit, right?"
"Yes, ma'am, I'd like to purch--err, that is, I'd like to buy a pullit."
So the woman sells him a pullit, and directs him towards a stall across the way, full of roosters.
"Goodday, sir. I'd like to buy a rooster."
"Howdy son. You's from town, right?"
"Yes, sir, is that a problem?"
"No, son. But round these here parts, we's don' calls em roosters...we's calls em cocks."
"Oh, thank you sir. Yes, sir, I'd like to buy me a cock then."
And so the old man sells him a fine cock, and sends him to the stall next door, containing one donkey.
"Sir, is that donkey for sale?"
"Sonny, this here is an ass! We's don't calls em donkeys, we's calls em asses. And this here ass is the last ass left in da whole market. Ya wan him?"
"Oh, yes sir! Thank you sir!"
And so Bob now had all the animals he needed. The old man helped Bob up onto the ass, and exclaimed, "Oh! Ah almost fergot ta tell ya: Sometimes dis here ass can be kinda stubborn. If he stops, just give him a slap on his rear. He'll start moving. Have a good day!" And with a parting slap, Bob was on his way.
Bob was doing fine for a few miles, when suddenly his mount stopped. He gave him a nudge with his heel, to no avail. He tried to give him a slap on the rear, but his hands were full. He was about to slide off the asses back, when he spied a young woman approaching.
"Ma'am? Ma'am? I was wondering if you could help me? Would you mind....
could you hold my cock...
while I slap my ass?"