Friday, August 25, 2006

The Naked Date

Geez, what a nightmare!!! No, no, it wasn't the return of the Lady with the Flashlight Eyes, although that would have been easier. Hey! I know how to deal with her--
No, this was an all new nightmare. Kinda reminded me of those dreams I used to have in high school.....you know -- where you went to school naked.....and spent the whole dream trying to get to your locker.....or home.....'cause you're naked.......and no one seems to notice........that you're naked......and walking around school.....naked...

"I'm pretty sure that Guy will be at the coffee shop," Star reassures, "We'll just drive over there! Sorry that you've got to sit in the back seat -- but the front seat is still broken. Is your seat belt buckled?"
As I look down to check, I realize that I've got no clothes on.
"Shit!"
"What, APj?"
"We've got to go to my house--"
"You're kidding, right? You know how long it'd take--"
"-Star! I've got to put some clothes on! I'm nak--"
"Don't be silly, APj -- what you've got on is fine!"
"She doesn't realize I'm naked!" I think to myself. "Holy crap! What am I gonna do!?!?!? What can I cover my bodaci--"
"Come on, APj!" Star calls over her shoulder from the door of the coffee shop. "Quit dawdling!"
"Shit! We certainly got here fast!" I scan the sidewalk, and relief floods through my veins as I confirm that there are no bodies present on the sidewalk. "What's that?"I silently exclaim,"Is that a bandana?" Making a mad dash towards the fluttering pink square, I grab it as Star comes rushing out of the coffee shop.

"Hurry APj!"
Frantically trying to decide the best placement for the bandana
-- bodacious ta-tas covered?
-- cookie covered?
"Which one? Which one? cookie or ta-ta, cookie or ta-ta" I ask myself, as I madly sprint after Star towards her car.

"What's the rush, Star?"
"BoDiddily said that Guy went to the mall. Something about getting a new instrument -- not that there's anything wrong with his instrument -- wait till you see it! He's got the prettiest p--"
"Star, don't start on that again, " I interrupt as I climb back in the backseat, "I'll end up at the store, again! But seriously, do you think we could go by my house? I'd really like to put some pants--"
"APj! Do you wanna do Guy or not!?!?!? We gotta hurry! Besides, you look fine! I love that pink top you've got on."
"It's not a top, Star! It's a bandan--"
"Shit! I almost hit that car! Oops! We're here!"
Star bounds out of the car, loping towards the music store entrance. "I'll run ahead and see if he's here. Hurry up!"

Grateful for the tinted windows of Star's car, I watch and wait for the perfect time to make a mad dash for the mall entrance.
"What the heck are you doing?" I ask myself, hand on the car door handle.
"Trying to get a date!" I retort, turning said handle and sprinting (one hand covering my cookie) towards the mall.
"Stop!!!" Me yells.
"Why?"I begin to inquire -- but suddenly see Star and Guy's bosom buddy, Doll coming out of the mall. I manage to make it to a tall garbage can, which I quickly pose behind.

"APj!" greets Doll, "How are you?"
"Feeling a bit naked--"
"Don't be a silly goose!" Doll scolds. "That pink top looks great with your skintones--"
"Yada-yada, skintones," injects Star. "Doll! Tell her about Guy!"
"Oh yeah! Guy," answers Doll. "Guy is waiting for us at the pool. He's made Mojitos. or Margaritas. Shit, I can't remember! One of those "M" drinks...."

As Doll and Star head for the car, I spot a pair of aqua stilletos next to my garbage can. I scoop them up, scan the sidewalk, and fly to the car (bandana held over bodacious ta-tas with chin, check. right hand covering cookie, check. left hand hanging onto awesome aqua stilletos, check.), diving almost headfirst into the backseat.

Resting my foot on the divider between the front seats (fixed now!?!?!?), I buckle the ankle strap on the shoes. "Seriously," I start, "Do you think we could just stop and get me something to wear--"
"Awesome shoes!" gushes Doll.
"Yeah," Star chimes in, "You know she's got that shoe thing-"
"APj," cuts in Doll, "you look fine! With that pink top and those shoes, Guy doesn't stand--"
"But it's not a top! It's a bandan-"

::chirp:: ::chirp:: ::chirp::

"Shit!" I think to myself, "It must be the cops -- they must have seen me take the shoes. or running nake--"

::chirp:: ::chirp:: ::chirp::

I sit up, wide awake in my bed.

"Shit! Wait 'til Star hears this one!!!"

11 comments:

lime said...

that's hilarious. ain't those naked dreams just pissers? thanks for sharing. good stuff apj! i still recall one from years ago....hoo boy!

Mintzworks said...

I had that EXACT same dream!!!!!

About YOU!

mmmmm....bodacious indeed!

lecram sinun said...

... prechance to dream.

Lacquer, Semi-Gloss Lacquer said...

far too many visions to pick one out, (...though the dive into the car with the shoes...)

and er, ah, um...
..cookie
-cookie?

(Is this a California thing?
I mean, I didn't memorize Vagina Monologues, and am not up on all of the below the belt slang, but...

-cookie?

-'tollhouse,' will never be the same.

Lelly said...

Cheese! And I thought I had weird dreams! Love the post about your daughter's 21st too, APj!

rose_michelle said...

OMG ... I have those same shoes, but couldn't figure out what to wear them with ... pink bandana top! Nice combo ...

airplanejayne said...

lime - I don't know why -- zillions of years PAST high school--that I STILL have naked dreams....

mintz - careful....or we'll start calling you Freddy....

Lecram - prechance!?!?! is that the whisp of an opportunity before the opportunity arises? :)

SGL - the, err, body part label of "cookie" came from one of my friends. I borrowed it. Uhhh, the nickname, not her cookie...err -- oh bother....

Lelly -- omigoshImsogladyoureback!!! I've missed ya!

Rose -- welcome!! so glad I could advise you on your wardrobe!!! Anytime!!!!

lime said...

(whispers_ we need another post. i'm going thru APJ withdrawal

Jodes said...

too funny, but yeah it has been a few days girl and i have not been here in months.

kien lim said...

I can't remember ever having a naked dream! Is it a girl thing?! Hmmm.... maybe now I will experience one!

airplanejayne said...

lime and jodes - sorry! new post is up!!

kien -- now I'm confused.....wanting to experience a naked dream or a girl thing? please clarify....