Sunday, April 30, 2006

Dating Story #2

So…I’d sprung a leak. Well…not me, my sprinklers. Err – the sprinklers in the yard. Seems I kept forgetting where some of ‘em were and I’d run over them with the tractor. Much better about it now – but I’ve gotten sidetracked –
Sprinklers broken. Saturday morning. So I decided to go to the hardware store to get sprinkler parts and then to the gym and workout (good girl). So I’m dressed in my workout clothes:
Those of you who don’t know me – please realize that I am a chubby girl. My workout clothes consist of yoga pants and a T-shirt. And a hair clip. I definitely do not look like some hottie in a thong leotard….
So – I’m standing in line at OSH with my parts, when I realize that the guy in front of me is staring at my chest. “Well! I never!” I’m fuming to myself. As I make eye contact and try to come up with something clever, he says, “That’s a funny shirt you’ve got there.”
“Huh?” I say silently. And then I realize that I’ve got my “Don’t make me call my flying monkeys” shirt on.
“Oh, thanks!” I reply sheepishly, retracting the deadly daggers that I mentally impaled in his crotch. “I’m kinda a Wizard of Oz fan.”
“I like that movie too!”
“Think of something!” my brain screams….
Seeing that he has garage door springs in his hand, I offer, “Gee – looks like you’re going to have fun.”
“Ha, ha,” he responds, “Err – I’ve never done them before. Have you?”
“Uh-huh. One of the times my Dad was very impressed with my Hulk like strength!” I laughingly retort.
“Perhaps you’d like to come help?”
“Oh no!” I slyly respond, “Can’t you see? I’ll be working on sprinklers all afternoon.”
“Aw, come on! I’ll make you lunch…”
“Yeah, yeah – I can see it now: not only will I be putting the springs on your garage, but I’ll have to make my own sandwich too!”
We both laugh as the clerk finishes ringing him up. He starts to leave, and turns and says, “It was nice talking to you.”
“Yeah – I’ll be thinking about you and your springs while I’m fixing my sprinklers”
“Ha, ha…..are you sure you have to fix those sprinklers?”
“Oh yeah – I’ll take the easy job, thankyouvery much!”
“Well,” he says, “again…it was nice talking to you.”
As he exits the store, the clerk is shaking her head. “Geez! Dontcha just hate it when guys can’t take ‘no’ for an answer?”
“Huh!?!?”
“That guy!” she says to me, “I’ve never seen a guy hit on someone so hard!”
“Scuse me? Hit? On me? Oh no, I don’t think he……was he hitting on me?”
She looks at me with a “areyousomestupidkindofdorkorwhat” expression.
“Ma’am. You’re kidding, right?”
As the red rises and spreads from my neck, to my cheeks, to my eyes, and my ears, I shake my head, thank her politely, and make a speedy exit….

I went to the hardware store weekly for a month….but alas, I never saw Mr. Garage-door Man again.

13 comments:

Solitaire said...

Jayne Jayne Jayne....

*sigh*

Hopefully you'll realize the next time you're getting hit on and invited to do manual labor and get fed as well...

Good luck honey!

keda said...

awwww! you plonker!

loved the answers to the meme below too.

better luck next time.

KFarmer said...

You had me cracking up on the flying monkey shirt! It's been so long since a man hit on me, I don't think I would know it either :)

scarysquirrelman said...

went to the "hardware" store? so you narrowed the description of this event to a particular type of store? though I suppose hardware would describe the need. And how would you know that you're not as sexy as some bimbo in a thong if you haven't tried...oh honey. Have you slipped some buttfloss on before? ScarySquirrelMan going to store for month's worth of stuff he don't need. See you when I get back. Or not. I may be blind by then.

airplanejayne said...

sol - Manual? Who's Manual? When was I invited to do Manual?

keda - thanks for the luck - as you can see, I've been invited to do Manual.

k - washing the monkey shirt as we speak.....for Manual

SSM - It will be so fun when you are home and dancing in the fireworks and going to the store. And I can watch......
and p.s. - I've got my own buttfloss, thankyouverymuch.

Mustang said...

Dear Gym Jane..

First, the thought of you standing in the hardware store 'holding your parts" almost sent me into a spasm of one-handed typing.

Second...it was wonderful seeing you the other night dancing!

Third...I think you underestimate your "girlishness", and the underlying attraction that you have.

Finally...ARE YOU FUCKING DENSE????

Any guy..ANY GUY..with the balls to stare a women's chest, and not seize up/freak out/pull some macho bullshit line out of his arse about getting caught staring at your chest, but compliment you on your choice of way-to-cool chest apparell should move quickly to the top of your list! Moving on..he obviously needed your help. As in he was asking directions..in a hardware store..that violates about three different sections of the Manly Manual..and he did it openly in front of other people whilst standing in the Mother Ship???

Please, come with me to the hardware store (my second home) and we shall rate, score and then hunt/trap/tag and release as many stud-bunnies as your permit allows, for later tracking and retrieval...

All kidding aside, hope you are well, see you soon!

M

Solitaire said...

TOOL (ha!) is an awesome album, I highly recommend it! ;-)

Lelly said...

Oh Jayne, JAYNE!! I'm speechless! Maybe the guy in the hardware store has some info about him?? Sheesh, I just hate a missed opportunity! (and I'm VERY impressed that you can recognise, let alone fit,'garage door springs'...I've never even heard of them!)

lime said...

oh yeah honey....big time hitting on you

gloria jean said...

Oh shoot! How did you not get that he was hitting on you? Darn it! I'd love to meet someone like that instead of on line. I'm about sick of the singles sites. But, unlike you, I'm not so witty and funny when something like that happens so although I may have recognized what he was up to, I would probably have been so shy that he'd have thought that I was stuck up. Keep going back to OSH. It's worth a try!

airplanejayne said...

Mustang: yes, I am dense... but am happy that the vision of me holding my parts at OSH sent you packing...

Lelly, Lime, Glojo: yes -- I am clueless!!! I can't help it! I just think it would be so much easier if they just said, "Hi, my name is blank. Do you wanna?"

KaMotion said...

Keep the faith APJ. Perhaps your Mr. Right will know to just hit you with a club and drag you by the hair to the cave...;)

Lacquer, Semi-Gloss Lacquer said...

...I don't think you're chubby at all.

...and you have a very nice smile.
-and presence as well.

(..just one man's opinion)