So…I’d sprung a leak. Well…not me, my sprinklers. Err – the sprinklers in the yard. Seems I kept forgetting where some of ‘em were and I’d run over them with the tractor. Much better about it now – but I’ve gotten sidetracked –
Sprinklers broken. Saturday morning. So I decided to go to the hardware store to get sprinkler parts and then to the gym and workout (good girl). So I’m dressed in my workout clothes:
Those of you who don’t know me – please realize that I am a chubby girl. My workout clothes consist of yoga pants and a T-shirt. And a hair clip. I definitely do not look like some hottie in a thong leotard….
So – I’m standing in line at OSH with my parts, when I realize that the guy in front of me is staring at my chest. “Well! I never!” I’m fuming to myself. As I make eye contact and try to come up with something clever, he says, “That’s a funny shirt you’ve got there.”
“Huh?” I say silently. And then I realize that I’ve got my “Don’t make me call my flying monkeys” shirt on.
“Oh, thanks!” I reply sheepishly, retracting the deadly daggers that I mentally impaled in his crotch. “I’m kinda a Wizard of Oz fan.”
“I like that movie too!”
“Think of something!” my brain screams….
Seeing that he has garage door springs in his hand, I offer, “Gee – looks like you’re going to have fun.”
“Ha, ha,” he responds, “Err – I’ve never done them before. Have you?”
“Uh-huh. One of the times my Dad was very impressed with my Hulk like strength!” I laughingly retort.
“Perhaps you’d like to come help?”
“Oh no!” I slyly respond, “Can’t you see? I’ll be working on sprinklers all afternoon.”
“Aw, come on! I’ll make you lunch…”
“Yeah, yeah – I can see it now: not only will I be putting the springs on your garage, but I’ll have to make my own sandwich too!”
We both laugh as the clerk finishes ringing him up. He starts to leave, and turns and says, “It was nice talking to you.”
“Yeah – I’ll be thinking about you and your springs while I’m fixing my sprinklers”
“Ha, ha…..are you sure you have to fix those sprinklers?”
“Oh yeah – I’ll take the easy job, thankyouvery much!”
“Well,” he says, “again…it was nice talking to you.”
As he exits the store, the clerk is shaking her head. “Geez! Dontcha just hate it when guys can’t take ‘no’ for an answer?”
“That guy!” she says to me, “I’ve never seen a guy hit on someone so hard!”
“Scuse me? Hit? On me? Oh no, I don’t think he……was he hitting on me?”
She looks at me with a “areyousomestupidkindofdorkorwhat” expression.
“Ma’am. You’re kidding, right?”
As the red rises and spreads from my neck, to my cheeks, to my eyes, and my ears, I shake my head, thank her politely, and make a speedy exit….
I went to the hardware store weekly for a month….but alas, I never saw Mr. Garage-door Man again.