Subject: How to Keep a Healthy Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.this would be fun to do from a motorcycle. Kowboi? Do ya' still have one?
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that....err....I have actually done this one.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it 'In'. When I worked in an office, I put referred to the garbage can as "The Round File." When the boss asked for something that I couldn't find, I would say, "It must be in the Round File." I don't know if he ever caught on...
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Smuggling Diamonds'. I once wrote,"For really great sex!" I was sure I would hear from the bank or I.R.S.
7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. Eddie Izzard said (and I agree) that wars would be almost impossible if we required soldiers to skip instead of march...
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. Hey! They asked me once if it was for here or to go. I said,"Here, of course!"
12. Sing Along At The Opera. Yeah, right. Like I know Italian.....I usually launch into the chorus of "The Lonely Goatherd."
13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because
You're Not In the Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom. I'd rather use my Superhero name: Flame Glider or Wind Pirate.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!' At the atm down from Starline I screamed, "Jackpot!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling
'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' heheheheheheh.....
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' I only have one....and she doesn't believe me when I tell her that I'm going to adopt Romanian babies. But my mom had a good one: when we used to threaten to run away she would respond, "Don't bother. I'll go."
Gotta love my Mom,eh?
:)
5 comments:
OK... I guess this confirms it... I've actually done number 2.
I like number 5. Bestest, Kien
my mom always called the round file 'file 13.'
eddie izzard is clearly a genius.
i will have to remember your check memo idea
wind pirate? that sounds like a pirate has been eating too many beans
lecram-I would have loved to hear this!!!
kien-I think this is similar to when you ate the chocolate espresso beans....
lime-not that kind of wind...you gotta go see Stardust!!!
:)
these are pretty funny. I page myself at work every so often for laughs.
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