Sunday, November 11, 2007

All About Me (again...or still....or whatevah)

Okay, I got this from Steph, who doesn’t care if you prefer coke or pepsi, or have ridden a roller coaster, nor what your last texty message said! (Humpf - friendly guy, eh?) BUT...he wants the answers to these questions. In fact, he dares people to answer them.

"Fine," I retort, "game on!"

1. When's the last time you had sex?
::dances nekkid around the room::: Didn’t you read the post!?!?!?

2. Did you orgasm?
Yes. I called out a few choice words and names. I’m very glad the people I called on didn’t show up.

3. Why or why not? Because it would not be a good time to come face to face with your Maker.
Omigawd—I said “come” “face” and “maker” in the same sentence. I am so going to Hell….

4. If you could punch someone in the face and have no consequences, who would you punch? George W. Bush

5. What's the 'worst' drug you've ingested? Are you wanting to know taste, trip, or trow-up? Taste has to have been the mushrooms in college. Ewwww. Trip has to have been some pill cocktail they gave me in high school. Trow-up has to have been the whiskey/wine/margarita night in my front yard. Last year. No more drunk-jayne.

6. What was your first rock concert?
Jefferson Starship. I had a crush on a guy that was with my group. He drove a Barracuda.

7. How old were you when you first got stoned?
Didn’t like it much – I was always too paranoid: “Everyone knows I’m stoned. I need to hide.”

8. Who was the worst influence in your life? One of my “friends” in high school.

9. Why were they such a bad influence? She caused me to doubt myself.

10. What's the worst thing you've ever done to someone else? Ask them.

11. Remember that one time you got revenge?
What did you do? Shhh…..I slept with an ex-boyfriends best friend. And then told said “best friend” to tell the ex!

(okay, maybe this should be for #10 also).

12. If you were going to kill yourself, what method would you use? Pills. Lots of them.

13. What's your biggest superstition?Lady with the Flashlight Eyes. She’s real.

14. Which celeb of the same sex would you like to bang?
Melissa Etheridge. Cause she’s got a gravelly low voice…and plays guitar…and sings…..::shiver::

15. Do you have porn in the house or saved on your computer? Definitely not on computer. I find most porn boring. I want the story, not just the bang. And I want hot guys—not the scary-huge-in-a-not-sexy way that seem to populate the pornos…

16. What's your most innocent 'fetish?'
I like to play with a man’s hair:
run my fingers through it, twirl it, maybe just a little pull….

17. Why do you still lie to people? Because they keep believing me.

18. If the Bible means a lot to you and you tend to live by it, why do you choose to disobey one or more commandments? Because free will gets in the way. I choose to do the best I can on a daily basis, and know that I am loved and forgiven.

19. Can you even name the ten commandments?

Watch/listen and weep! Cause I can name that tune in less than ten seconds:

God, idols, oaths, rest, respect, murder, stealing, adultery, lying, lust.
Yes. I know.

20. Do you feel like a hypocrite sometimes? Yes. For example, when people come into my classroom and say, “Wow! That must’ve taken you hours to do," and it’s something I tossed together that morning…

21. If you could just feel up a friend without consequence, who would it be?
Not gonna tell ya, ‘cause then I might lose the opportunity to feel him up for real!
I’ve decided that the two-by-four-to-the-head plan aint so bad.

But hey: how about this? Why don't YOU tell me WHOM I should feel up?

22. Would you rather be deaf or blind?
I would rather be blind. I know so many of you would disagree – but to not hear music or a lover’s whisper ever again would be too painful…

23. If you HAD to choose one of these, would you rather be gay/straight (the opposite of what you are now) or have your pinkie sheared off?
Cut the pinkie off!
I like boys- gay OR straight!

24. If you could kill anyone in history, no consequence, who BESIDES Hitler would it be?
George W. Bush.
Before he became president and got us 9 trillion bucks in debt.

25. Teacher/Student sex scandals = icky, or kind of a turn on? Icky. VERY icky. As a woman, mother and a teacher, I just have to say that I am disgusted by the apparent double-standard.

26. Have you ever had an orgasm thanks to a sex toy?
Hel-LO!?!?!? Did you not read
this post!?!?!?

27. Do you masturbate?? I’m too lazy – that’s what #26 is for.

28. How many times a week do you masturbate, on average? An average masturbation is not worth it. Go for stupendous, I always say.

29. Do you ever fantasize about someone other than who you're with?
Being as I’m not “with” someone, what do you think!?!?!?
Oh…and did you somehow miss this post? Or this one?

30. If heaven exists, what do you hope to hear God say when you enter the Pearly Gates?
"You again, APj!?!?!? How many times are we going to have to send you back?"


mintzworks said...

Awesome, the best, amazing WHOO!

I've orgasmed just from your amazing responses.

Great Job, Missy!

And who should you feel up?

Kien Lim. Two by Four first, then go for it.

lime said...

we had a barracuda when i was a kid.

i rather agree with your assassination idea. and i am TOTALLY on board with your comment regarding average masturbation, bwahahahaha

airplanejayne said...

1. you've got to learn to pace yourself...
2. "got wood" has taken on a new meaning for APj...
3. I think I've lost the element of surprise...

lime - nothing average about your or me, sweetie.

Lady Roxanne said...

you had me fucking rolling..

that was some funny shit.

well done!