Sarah Silverman

This cracked me up!!!!!! Sorry.....I've gotta go......cause, cause, I'm f#@king Matt Damon...

Action Hero!

Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Maximus After his family was murdered by the evil emperor Commodus, the great Roman general Maximus went into hiding to avoid Commodus's assassins. He became a gladiator, hoping to dominate the colosseum in order to one day get the chance of killing Commodus. Maximus is valiant, courageous, and dedicated. He wants nothing more than the chance to avenge his family, but his temper often gets the better of him. Maximus 67% El Zorro 67% James Bond, Agent 007 63% Lara Croft 58% Captain Jack Sparrow 58% William Wallace 54% Indiana Jones 50% Neo, the "One" 50% The Amazing Spider-Man 42% Batman, the Dark Knight 42% The Terminator 38%

I'm going with my "rules schmules."
(f#$K you Lecram -- I'm doing it this time!)
Maximus!?!?!? I mean PUH-leees -- have you seen his shoes!?!?!? I wouldn't be caught dead in those, and we all know it.

But Zorro......I mean - he wears BOOTS! And we ALL remember my....affinity....for boots.

Friday 55 - A Cool October Night...

“Are the Stars Out Tonight?”
Living in the country, I’ve grown used to looking up and seeing stars. Rarely takes my breath away…let alone make my knees buckle. Yet, there I was, anchorless, staring at their vastness, closing my eyes, I Star Danced ‘cross the sky, pausing planets, skipping stars, and riding meteors.

*If you've never read Stardance, by Spider and Jeanne Robinson, I highly suggest it.

Top Ten!

So.....I received this Valentine card -
no, no, I am following the lead of my tight-lipped friends and not sharing from whom it came.
--oh, and yes, I used "tight-lipped" and "not sharing" on purpose.
Especially in respect to the subject matter....


-and of course, it got me thinking! (yes, yes, it sent me to the store also -- where I just ran around the parking lot in circles)

But exactly
HOW is a BJ like Flowers?!?!?!?

9. they come in all different sizes

8. they always bring a smile to your face.

7. because sometimes it really is about the length of the stem

6. they are never refused at the door.

5. If they don’t last long enough, you want it redelivered

4. You might say it doesn’t matter, but inside you’re jealous when others get them and you don’t

3. Although always appreciated, they are best when least expected

2. they make up for mistakes made earlier.

1. if delivered to the wrong person, it could cause problems for the relationship.

Oops....my Top 10 is only 9 deep.......can you think of one to add?

Jayne is nekkid in the parking lot of Costco....

I SWEAR I did not cheat on this contest!!!
This was my Valentine's card from Erynn.....



Take the Quiz


Brad, Brad....Where are you!?!?!?!?!?

...Hey Man, there's only one thing, and one car that will do..

You all seemed to enjoy my emails last week, so I'm going to share another one.
Hey, I'm busy trying to get this stupid show ready for the Rogue. "Whose idea was this?" I fume. "Oh yeah....Steve"
Steve, aka Obi-Overlord emails me daily to either threaten or coax me regarding my upcoming Rogue performance, alias "Jayne and the I.B.S. show."
--Which reminds me: do any of you know where can I get my hands on astronaut diapers?
Speaking of astronaut diapers, here's the latest reparte:

Dear APj,

Have you seen this car? Ok not this exact one but my 1994 Subaru which is charcoal Grey ( black) and was stolen from in front of my house on Friday.

Yes

Who would want that car?

Why would someone steal it?

If you can answer that question in 25 words or less you can have the car...well what is left of it if it comes back.

What might still remain?

How about

a roof rack

my earthquake gear - tent, MREs, stove, 2 rolls of quarters, a 1990 ski coat and much much more!

a Buddha statue ( lotta good that did

empty water bottles

a 1 ton car jack

a hiking stick

and of course car parts

but honestly I do hope it does not return as well........it just won't be the same. So don't pray to St. Anthony

Thanks

Steven

To which I responded:

Steven,

I don't remember the roof rack. Are you hoping that when the car returns, the cops (with the 95% recovery rate) will say, "shit! It had a roof rack, we'd better go find one."

empty water bottles. Like those are SO going to help when you're stranded, eh? I mean, the tent: great. MRE's (taste like shit, but hey shit's better than shitless): fine. But what the hell you gonna wash shit down with? Don't tell me you were planning on that whole "drinking your own urine" thing. gross.

What were the quarters for? Impersonating footage?

crap -- that's a whole lot more than 25 words.....let me try again. Give me a do-over.
-btw, I so want a do-over, or a do-again, or a do-it-baby-one-more-time (ala Britney, but not all bald and stuff).


25 word ode to Steven's Subaru:

He stole the car cause he was singing, “Pink Cadillac”

and that line about how "it’s better than a Subaru."

Is it?

Now we’ll know.

Oh, hot damn. I am good.

APj

Dear Contestants of the Subaru Contest:

Note: Good news/Bad News

The car was found, intact and in ………….Fremont, CA.

So the answer was ‘joyriding’ it seems. Which I understand because I have ridden with joy for years in that car.

However, contents of backseat were taken. Not all but you do not want what was left trust me.

Taken was my big black box of Earthquake Preparedness:

-Several bottles of Evian water ( if we have a crisis why not have the best)

-the MRE’s cira 1985 ( Bochna can you get me some more before you retire?)

- Ramon Noodles-

-my new spirit burning stove ( alcohol not other world spirits)

- Columbia ski coat circa 1994

-misc camping gear- penknife, flashlight etc

-baby and astronaut diapers

-a list of my enemies

So...we regret to inform you that prize swag is no longer available.

However as the winner you are welcome to cruise around in the Subaru anytime.

The winner is……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Ron Darcy

Ron is a NY Firefighter, father of 2, buyer of pint rounds, a national and world champion Thumb Wrestler ( he took the gold for the US in the 94 Zurich games) and all around great guy.

yes steven.. i have your car..

i had one already and i needed this second one to match.. you see i remove the rear window, slip my feet in them, pull up the rear bumper and rollerskate around the neighborhood,

love shelly... sorry it was 37 words

Airplane Jayne came in 2^nd place. Although a good effort it was just not her best. I assume she is focused on her first one women show premiering in the Rogue Festival 2008 in Fresno. Go Jayne!

To which, of course, I replied:
Dear Obe-overlord,

Cheese and Rice.
No wonder you're a SUBSTITUTE teacher. You obviously don't understand the whole "giving instructions and expecting others to follow it." Nope. Just read what's on the paper, and whatever they turn in is fine!

WTF!?!?!?

How. PRAY TELL ME HOW does 37 words win a 25-words-or-less contest!?!?!?!?!?
I'll tell you: SEX. That's it. SEX. I don't care who Mr. Darcy f#$!ed - it wasn't me. Oh - by the way, you do remember I've a thing for firefighters.....

Whatevah.
I am working on my show, and having tons of sex.

okay, only half of that is true....

xoxo,
APj

I've Got Friends in low places....

Sorry I have been remiss in my blogging. The Rogue is quickly approaching
-what is that light at the end of the tunnel? EGADS!!!! It's the train!! Run for your lives!!! The Plow is coming! It's moving day!!! (that last is courtesy of "The Secret of NIMH")

-quickly approaching, and I'm busy. No other excuse. Just busy. Busy helping with stuff not done, busy helping with stuff to do, busy making a list of stuffees and stuffors....
::sigh::
I just love looking at the pics in the Rogue Map....

and then, of course, I've got to deal with my friends.
Friends who would prefer to yammer on behind my back, but just can't help themselves, so they THEN send copies of the DRIVEL to me.
Because they think they are so funny.
-not-
And, because we are talking ME, we all know that I share everything.
sorry, it's true: I'm a talker. Not many secrets when it comes to me....

So, here's the tripe from my friends:
Dearest Drew,

I am writing in regards to the impending APJ one-women show. To be blunt you must attend because I - not you- will hear about it forever and she'll even blog about it and then ask if I've read it. I do not read her blogs as a substitute teacher I confiscate and read aloud poorly written notes by immature girls all day. But in regards to her show, look at it this way - it one of the few times that you will know for sure that Jayne will be jabbing on for 45 minutes without anyone else getting in a word edgewise. As opposed to any other time when you fool yourself thinking 'Oh maybe she'll let me talk this time?' My point at least we know what we're getting into and we don't have to fain interest with " oh really" or " that's nice' ...speaking of what to wear I suggest kilts, official of course. So we can sit in the front row spread our legs- I will expose my shortcomings and you can expose the 8,9 and 10th wonder of the world.
Love,
Steve

Darling Steven:

What is this about a one woman show with APJ? This is the first I have heard about it....and the last I hope. It is a pity it is being held on the one night I am not available.
Let me know about the train wreck that is APJ's introduction into showbiz. Please tell me she is not doing a one woman version of the Vagina Monolgue - I only hope she gets a bikini wax - last time it looked like a bikini spider contest; I though the woman had Don King tucked into her panties. I am shocked and appalled that she has not let me know - maybe she is waiting until she gets her act down before she wants me to see it - which means I need not have to make arrangements in this lifetime....
Love,
Drew

My Darling APJ:

Word on the street - the street of broken dreams no less - is that you are planning on doing a one woman show......

No Janey - surely you remember the last time you tried this you had all that trouble keeping the ping pong balls from falling out, and when you did 'shoot' them out it was more of a dribble; and the donkey falling over and dying from exhaustion.
Anyway - you have to tell me all about this folly and hopefully you will not be doing interpretive dance or worse still, speaking through your vagina and manipulating a ventriloquist dummy's mouth. I did that show myself once and it is not as appreciated by the crowds as you might think.
Yours fondly,
Drewsy

Drew, my love,

Manwhore,oops, I mean, Man-that-I-adore,What are you doing out on the streets? Has Ryan finally come to his senses and put you out? I do hope he let the girls stay....it really wasn't there fault about the dead hamster... I do hope you finally came clean about that incident. Really, how you expected to keep that a secret: after all, you DO live in Hollywood.

I will type slowly so as not to confuse you:itwasn't pingpongballs.it was bowlingballs. Hey, they were heavier than I thought. You try holding a ball up your ass-nevermind, I know for a fact that YOU have been there...on numerous occassions!
Oh, and FYI, it wasn't a donkey -- it was a waiter HUNG like a donkey....I think his name was Martin. You remember Martin, don't you? So-totally-NOT-gay-Martin from my fab-u-lous birthday party in "The HollywoodHills?" ::sigh:: May Martin rest in peace...

alas, I will not be manipulating any dummy's mouth -- because my favorite dummy (YOU) won't leave his home to come see me shine. Yes, my sweet, I will tell you aaaaallll about it -- but I probably won't have to: CNN and MTV are planning full coverage. Watch and weep, my sweet. Watch and weep.-or-be the man whore -oops, man-I-adore,and come to Fresno for the day to see my show. I've a room the girls can wait in behind the stage. With treats. and cute boys for them to frolic or fuck. Their choice.

Love,

The ever-sexy AirplaneJayne
ps: thanks for reminding me about the wax job. Brazilian it is. I just love those boys from South America.....

Steve,

Kiss my ass, pull my hair and admit it: you don't read my blog because it's funny. And it just bugs you how funny I am.

::sigh:: the lengths -OH...the LENGTHS--I've gone to for you....the things I did -- and STILL you didn't write my show.

whatevah,

Love and kisses,

The always funnier APj
ps. I do hope my new magnifying glass is powerful enough to see and enjoy your shortcomings from the stage...

APJ'S 2008 ROGUE SHOW!!!

I don't know which was worse: the divorce or the dead hamster in the fridge....but I do know that neither of them led to sex! Jayne's tales of broken bones and missing toes and no sex. A hardware store date and one interrupted by a police chopper, and still no sex!

Ashtree Studios
$3.00
5:00 PM, Friday, 2/29
2:00 PM, Saturday, 3/1
8:45 PM, Wednesday, 3/5

Okay my bloggies, it's in print, so it must be real.
::sigh::

55-Temper, temper

Grabbing the barstool with one hand,
She launched it towards the window,
Knowing shattering glass would silence and cease his assault.
It spun.
lazysusan-like on the floor, feet away from its target.
“Did that feel good?” he sneered.
“No,” she calmly replied, “But this will.”

She picked up the second stool, and let it fly.

I have been known to have a temper, although I think I do a pretty darn good job of keeping it in check. But this was one of my more “inspired” outbursts:

Voldemort and I were having an argument. Now, being one of six children, I know how to argue: you get your turn to say whatever you want, I don’t interrupt. And then, it’s my turn. Of course, it was my turn, and he kept interrupting, shutting me down, telling me I was wrong, etc. And then he would keep going – like it was his turn. WTF!?!?!?!? Suddenly, the quiet rage descended upon me, and I could see clearly the path to take. The vision showed that if I threw the heavy iron barstool through the window, he would be so startled that he would stop yelling and it would be my turn.

Well, it really was very logical in that quiet rage moment.

B-b-b-b-back to Blogthings!!!!!

What Airplane Jayne Means

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. Please note - It is Blogthings, not I, who insists that I am the best. I'm not disagreeing, but I'm not the one who brought it up. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. Hmmm....you know, this is the second time in the past few months that I have been called aggressive. As I said then, "You say, 'aggressive,' I say, 'persuasive." You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. All I'm asking - is for a little Respect when you get home. Whip it to me - You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries. A hundred times!?!?!?!? Geez, that's an awful lot.... You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. Aye, lassie. But not so good at taking your own advice, eh? You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You say "intense" like it's a bad thing. You don't mean that, do you? WELL....DO YOU!?!?!? You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. ::shiver:: sorry....I've gone to the store....back in a moment.... You are influential and persuasive. I do prefer "persuasive" over "aggressive." Really. You tend to have a lot of power over people. Generally, you use your powers for good. Bloggything is always going on and on about my powers. I have yet to see this "power" in action. TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES! SEE!?!?!? Nada! Zeelch - Zero. Occasionally, you do get a little selfish and persuade people to do things that are only in your interest. oops....sorry about that "take off your clothes" thing... You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. hm? Did you say something? Sorry, Brad and I were just having s- You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. Hey - just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're NOT out to get you. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. But tying me up is another story... You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. Yup. Sometimes it's a BIG surprise.... You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care. As I've said before: I'm not "settling" this time. I will continue to enjoy life. Hopefully I will find someone who is also so-inclined.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

MY SHOW IS WRITTEN!

YEA!!!! My Rogue show is written! Hacuna Matata. "It's our problem free....philosophy....."

oh shit. But now I've got to memorize it. and block it. and make it funny...

okay -- so maybe not quite so hacuna. maybe just matata....

But I'm dancing anyway...

Damien Rice at Four Seasons -The Blower's Daughter -

this song makes me weep...

Ew-Ee! Ew-Ee Baby!

Tomorrow, I leave for my cruise. You never know what will happen, who you'll meet, etc. But, it seems that Google knows everything.....so I decided to ask Google about my cruise.

Mr. Google, what will it be like for Jayne on a cruise?WTF!?!?!? That's not a cruise ship -- maybe it has cruise missiles, but it is DEFINITELY not a ship. Although a missile might be kinda fun.
But I digress. I will rephrase the question:
Mr. Google, it's a CarnivalCRUISE! Not Carnival in Rio, you meathead. I'm getting a little frustrated. Now. Just. Listen. It's a Carnival Cruise, got that?
On the Elation.


Yes. You are right. He looks very happy. So happy, in fact, that he may just have a woo--

But wait--you're getting me sidetracked, again! Okay....let's just forget the whole boat thing. Obviously it's not your forte.





How about this: what will Jayne do for entertainment at night?

Okay - this actually does sorta kinda resemble something that I might do. 'cept my bunny is not blue. ever.

Okay my peeps! I am off on my sea adventure. I will try to blog from the boat...

Jayne's New Year's Resolution

I
Will
Have
This
Kiss

Peeling the Onion that is APj

I saw this one floating around Myspace, so I thought I'd try it:
11 Layers of Me

Layer One: On the Outside
Name: Airplane Jayne.
Birthday: November 5 – Guy Fawkes Day
Current Location: My rancho. And the corners of my mind
Eye Color: blue or green, depending on clothing and mood. And my best feature, I might add.
Hair Color: strawberry blonde.
Righty or Lefty: lefty.
Zodiac Sign: Scorpio, and, according to the Chinese Horoscope, a Rat. A Rat looking for a Pig.

Layer Two: Just Below the Surface
Your Weakness: smiling men, a quick wit, a nicely shaped butt
Goal: to land the man of my weakness
Your Fears: that he doesn’t exist

Layer Three: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up: darn, it was just a dream
Your bedtime: whenevah
Your most missed memory: snuggling and laughing – at the same time.

Layer Four: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Well, I’ll go with Pepsi, ‘cause coke is illegal…
McDonald's or Burger King: McDonalds Happy Meal. Lunch and a toy. Life is good.
Single or Group dates: group date!?!?!? Omigawd and WTF!?!? is that just a euphemism for “orgy?” Thanks, but no thanks - I think I’m too old for that, so I’ll take the single date, Alex for $200. Because yes, my love is in Jeopardy…baby.

Adidas or Nike: whichever is on sale. But if I have one pair of Adidas, and I buy another pair, does that mean I have Adidi (pronounced a-dee-DIE)? -just wondering….
Lipton Tea or Nestea: I like Lipton. Wasn’t Peggy Lipton just super cool on the Mod Squad?

Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla latte or perfume. Chocolate everything else….
Cappuccino or Coffee: cappuccino – cause it’s all about the foam… ::shiver::

Layer Five: Do You?
Smoke: nope. Quit that nasty habit 15 years ago.
Have a crush: yup. He’s name is….oh wait, there’s also – and --. Hmmm, yup, you’re right: I’m fickle….and shallow, remember?

Think you've been in love: think? Often. Actual? Not so often.
Want to get married: toughie. I know I don’t want to be alone, but don’t know if “married” is necessary.

Believe in yourself: aw, luv, that depends on which facet of me. I am so fricking cocksure confident in matters of my art….and wimpified woosie in matters of the heart.

Think you're a health freak: well, I’m picky about food and its origins…..and I don’t like my food touching….so….I guess that makes me a bit of a freak.

Layer Six: In the Past Month
Drank alcohol: not much since “Drunk Jayne” made her BBQ appearance in May.
Gone to the mall: yup. Although…I’d love to go to the store instead of the mall. ::shiver::
Eaten Sushi: oh….is that what we’re calling it nowadays?
Gone skating: On skates – no. On thin ice-yes.
Dyed your hair: only the hair on my head. You got a problem with that?

Layer Seven: Have You Ever?
Played a stripping game: APj vs. 7 buff Skydiving Ironworkers. I won. They still made me take my top off, but I won.
Gotten beaten up: nope. Again, I won.
Changed who you were to fit in: started to, but changed my mind instead.

Layer Eight: Getting Old
Age you’re hoping to be married: 1^st time I was 25.
Plastic Surgery or Wrap: Not crazy about going under a knife. So I’ll take the wrap.
Buried or Cremated: Cremated, for sure. I don’t want to be the skeleton hanging in the classroom of the future.

Layer Nine: Perfect Mate

Best Eye Color: A color I can swim in. (note, two of my crushes have eyes I could swim in….)
Best Hair Color: A color I can smell (musky, like a forest floor)
Short or Long Hair: A length I can pull (just a little tug, mind you…)

Layer Ten: What were you doing...
1 HOUR AGO: watching “Under the Tuscan Sun” ::sigh:: anybody wanna play Villa with me?
1 WEEK AGO: hoping for a man to come down my chimney. ::shiver::
1 MONTH AGO: Basking. Just basking. Nonofurbusiness!
1 YEAR AGO: making my Resolution List

Layer Eleven: Finish the Sentence
I LOVE: that I am a survivor.
I HATE: that my current life is not enough.
I HIDE: my fear
I MISS: his smell
I NEED: a want to be the same as a need.

Merry Christmas...or...Why I Just Love Facebook!

I am thoroughly exhausted from Christmas. "What did you do?" you inquire.
What - and Who - DIDN'T I do is more like it....
Let me share my Fabulous day....

::ding dong!::
"Who could possibly be at the door?" I panicked, "it's Christmas morning, for crying out loud!"
I stumbled to the door, wearing my lovely new outfit from Joy, and these bitching boots from Nic.
"Who is it?" I ask.
"Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas."
"Ya know, the last guy who called me a ho is buried out back," I retort, "so WHO are YOU!?!?"
"Well, I'll give you a hint. You once said something about licking butter off my--"
I quickly throw the door open, and yes....this is what Solitaire sent me to start my day:
Yes....I was a ho.....two or three times.
He left in a hurry after a call from Angelina, but promised to return. Soon.
::sigh::

"This is the best Christmas ever!" I effused, "how could this day get any better?"
::ding dong::
"Hello? Is this Airplane Jayne's house?"
"Yes, who are you?"
"Well, your sister JoJo thought you might like to play pirates with-"
"Holy shit!" I screamed, racing to open the door, "Orlando Bloom!?!?!? For reals!?!?!?"
Yes, it was Legolas/Will Turner.
"I met a friend of yours while I was in England," he said, "she sent these and asked if you would please stay away from her man Dan."

"To hell with my 'over thirty' rule," I thought to myself.

"Come here, little boy," I cooed, as I dragged that child down the hall.

Four hours and trips to the store later..I was recharging my batteries so to speak, eating these, sent by Dan when-

::ding dong::
"Hello?" I called, "who is it?"
"I'm back, " purred a now-familiar voice, "with the butter."
"Holy shit!" I raced to the door, "how is this possible?"

"Well," he smiled as he eyed my current ensemble, sent by a secret admirer, "your friend Nic didn't want to send Johnny, so I've come."
"No complaints," I gushed, grabbing the stick -- uh...of butter. "No complaints at all"

::sigh::
I just love Facebook. Leave me to my addiction. I will die with a smile on my face.

Finding the "J" Spot...

I’ve stolen this from my friend, Meg.

Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following.
They have to be real places, names, things...nothing made up!
Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. (WHICH BY THE WAY IS HARD IF YOU ALREADY READ THEIR ANSWERS) You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl.

What is your name:
Jayne. I was named for both my mom - Janet, which means little Jane, and my dad – Jay. And yes, when I was little, they called me Jay-nee. Some still do. And some have fondly (I think) taken to doing so now.

2. 4 letter word:
jour (hey, I think that’s French for “Day” which is my last name….)

3.Vehicle:
Jeep. Which I would look so cute in – especially a fire-engine-red one.

4. A city
We could start with Janesville, Wisconsin, ‘cept they spelled it wrong, so that won’t do. We could try Juneau, Alaska, but I’m not in the mood for cold. But hey! There’s a place called “Jundah” in Australia. Crikey! I’m there!

5. Boy Name
Justin. Oh, I met one and he was hot, hot, hot. hmmm…..sorry, give me a moment, I’ve gone to the store.

6. Girl Name:
Jaelynn (I actually considered this for Erynn, but Voldemort didn’t like it)

7. Alcoholic drink:
Jack Rabbit! Oops, that’s the name of something else….Okay, how about Jello shooters? Probably not a good idea: we’ll end up with “Drunk Jayne” again…..Okay, we’ll settle for a James Fog…

8. Occupation
Jello-taster? Is that a job? Possibly a lot of licking? And slurping? Aw hell, I’ve gone to the store again.

9. Something you wear
jockstrap – oops, ‘cept I don’t wear one….okay, let's go with Jodhpurs

10. Celebrity
Jack Sparrow!
Johnny Depp!
Yup….at the store, again….

11. Food
jambalaya.

12. Something found in a bathroom
jack-- oops. Let's go with junk. just....junk....

13. Reason for Being Late
just because

14. Cartoon Character
Josey and the Pussycats! Long tails, and ears for hats.

15. Something you shout
Just wait til I catch you, fothermucker

16.Animal
jaguar.

17. Movie
Jaws. Messed me up for years.

18. Word to describe you
Juxtaposedly jaded, yet jubilant

Another (Late) 55.....and ANOTHER Conversation with God

Hello? Can I help you?
I have family court papers for you.
Oh, you must have the wrong address.
Are you Jayne Day Richardson?
Yes, yes, I am…
Nope! I’ve got the right house. Here you go…..ahhh, Merry Christmas.

::ring, ring::

Hello?
Michael.
Jayne.
Michael, what have you done?
Jayne, I'm just not happy anymore.

Hey God?

Yes, Jaynee.

God, even though I am in a much better place, and all is well in my life, this is always a difficult day. Please hold my hand today.

Missy, I've got you.

Hey....you sound like my Dad when you call me Missy.

I know....

Friday 55 - A Seasonal 55

An unmarried woman, heavy with child

An ungodly King, widely reviled.

Stable-bound, but heavenly birthed

Salvation’s Savior arrived on Earth.

Ignored by locals; revered by the wise

Who came bearing gifts, awe in their eyes.

So in the midst of the hustle of this joyful season,

Take a moment to honor, and remember the reason.

A Game of Tag!

Crazy Eights Tag

I was tagged by Smarmoofus to play a game of Crazy Eights. Nope -- not the card game.

::sigh::

I was always good at that one.... but here we go:

8 Things I’m passionate about

8. Pedicures. Seriously – play with my feet and I’m yours.

7. Finding love

6. My job. Wait, it’s not a job – it’s a passion.

5. laughter

4. Honesty

3. Friends

2. God

1. My food not touching.

Yes. I am more passionate about my food not touching than I am about anything else – even God. He’s just gotta understand that the gravy can’t touch the veggies….eww….I’m grossed out just thinking about it.

8 Things I want to do before I die

8. Christmas Eve in Disneyland

7. New Years Eve in Times Square

6. Go to Australia

5. Travel to Europe

4. Be the Disney Teacher of the Year

3. Be someone’s one true love

2. Fall in love

1. Have sex (again)

Hmmm… ya’ know, I’m SURE I could put some of these things together and kill two birds with one 2x4…

8 Things I often say
8. Write my show!

7. Why should I have to make the first move

6. But I didn’t know he was interested

5. -Because he's not over 30! That's why!

4. Come here, little boy

3. Because it really is all about me.

2. No (although I am working on this one)

1. I love you too, Erynn

Some of you may disagree with the order I’ve assigned. F@$K you.

8 Books I’ve recently or currently reading

The Golden Compass, by Philip Pullman

Twilight, by Stephanie Meyer

New Moon, by Stephanie Meyer

Eclipse, by Stephanie Meyer

Pretty Little Mistakes, by Heather Mcelhatton

Tolkien and Lewis: The Gift of Friendship by Colin Duriez

Harry Potter and the Half-Blooded Prince, by J. K. Rowling (yes, I am an entire book behind…)

Fluke, by Christopher Moore

(please remember that I’m a middle school teacher…I try to read many of the books that my students do)

8 Songs I could listen to over and over

8. Crazy Bitch, by Buckcherry
Hey! You’re crazy, bitch. But you f@#K so good I’m on top of it….

7. Carolina in my Mind, by James Taylor
Hey baby, the skies on fire….

6. Hallelujah, by k.d. lang
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew ya…

5. Can’t Get Next to You, by the Temptations
I can live forever, if I so desire…

4. Friday, I’m in Love, by The Cure
Thursday, never looking back, it’s Friday; I’m in Love!

3. Like I Do, by Melissa Etheridge
You found out to love me, you’ll have to climb some fences..

2. Moonshadow, by Cat Stevens
If I ever lose my eyes, if my colors all run dry….

1. Savior, by kien lim.
Scatter her soul to the wind, the rush of the wind is beckoning.

8 Things that attract me to my best friends

8. Laughter

7. Talent

6. hair

5. Soul

4. Eyes

3. Intelligence

2. Wit

1. Butt

Yes….I do look at my friends’ butts. I can’t help it. But see – then I’m looking at the Wit. Hmmm…how do you look at wit? Where’s that kept!?!?!? (gawd, now all my best friends are going to know what I’m up to!)

8 People I think should do Crazy 8s

Okay....that sounds like some kinky version of Twister. Like Nekkid twister. If you feel like playing, play. Call me if you need a second....