Going to the store...

Stole this from Lime.....(stealing from her is so much fun!!!)

I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 5 items. You can only pick one thing from the following departments, what is it?
Produce: Strawberries. No! wait! One fricking strawberry!?!?!?? Scratch that (the choice, not the berry. Cause I’m sure if I scratch it, they’re gonna make me fricking buy it) – let’s make it a peach. ‘cause at least it’s good for a few bites.

Frozen: Ben&Jerry’s Dave Matthews Ice Magic Brownies. I’m sure there are no illegal substances in this…..really….

Meat: The butcher. The hot one.

Dairy: whip cream. For the butcher

Canned goods: I don’t do canned. Ewww….

Let's say we're heading out for a weekend getaway. You're only allowed to bring 3 articles of clothing with you. So, what's in your bag?
Who’s the “you” that’s taking me? Seriously, it makes a difference. I mean, how am I supposed to pack if I don’t know “who’s” taking me and where “you’s” taking me to? Forget it, “you” is obviously more self-centered than I am if “you” can’t tell me who “you” is, and where “we’re” going. Jerk.

If I was to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 4 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear? Please remember, I teach….
“Thank you.” Seriously, when I ask my class to be quiet, I always thank them afterwards.

“After all, it is all about me.” Yes, I know: I am probably damaging them forever. This leads me to my next phrase:

“Whatevah. Deal with it.”

“Why? Why not?”

You're driving down the road, and suddenly you're hit with this sense of road rage. What 3 factors probably contributed to it?
The futhermucker with the Fish on his car that just fricking cut me off. ASSHOLE!!!!!

The DJ on the radio that WON’T STOP TALKING AND PLAY THE DAMN SONG!!!

On the way to work early, so I can get things done before school starts, I realize THAT IT’S A FRICKING HOLIDAY!!!

Sweet, you just scored a whole afternoon to yourself. We're talking a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?
None-of-yer-business.

Reading a book.

Contemplating cleaning the house.

Going to a movie

Talking to a friend.

We're going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it'll have to be a quick visit. What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?
Lions

And Tigers

And bears.

Oh my!

You just scored tickets to the taping of any show that comes on t.v. of your choice. You can pick 4, so what are you going to see?
TV of my choice? Easy-peasy, I would choose: Brad Pitt’s TV

George Clooney’s TV

Johnny Depp’s TV

Daniel Craig’s TV

Oh….you just had bad grammar? (Mis)placing your modifiers? Hmmpf. Why am I not surprised….. You meant to say a SHOW of my choice….fine (Jerk)

Battlestar Galactica (the new series)

Robin Hood (on the BBC)
Dr. Who (currently on the BBC)

Burn Notice.

Somebody stole your purse/wallet…in order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what's in there?
2 pieces of candy (probably leftover from a dinner at Livingstones during the Rogue)

Dental floss (don’t leave home without it)

Something-else-they-say-to-always-have (although it expires at the end of this year)

Burts Bees lip balm

A poem. It’s personal

You are at a job fair, and asked in what areas you are interested in pursuing a career. Let's pretend you have every talent and ability to be whatever you wanted, so what 4 careers would be fun for you?
Teacher (yup – I have my dream job)

Comedic actress (I think I’ve got the chops. Not the boobs, mind you, but the chops)

Empress of the World.

Lady Jayne, wife of George Clooney

If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were in high school, and inform yourself of 4 things, what would you say?

Ask him out – he’ll probably say yes.

Try out for the musical, you are just as good as they are.

Don’t worry about what they think.

Wait. He’s not worth it.

September by. Earth, Wind and Fire

Oh, yeah. EWF is coming to the Big Fresno Fair October 6th.
Now, the fair is always a big pull: corn dogs, cinnamon rolls and soft tacos are my faves (yes, yes, as long as they're not touching on the plate).
But EWF!?!?!? Almost impossible to not dance to, and so.....I'll be there, shaking my groove thang.
"ba-de-ya say that you remember...."

Carol Burnett Show outtakes - Tim Conway's Elephant Story

I remember seeing this episode as a child -it cracked me up then....

and it still puts me on the floor today! THIS is funny....I wish we still had FUNNY on the TV!

MeMeMeMe

I saw this over on Joy's and Katie's blogs, and thought it would serve as filler until I write about my Nebraska trip.... although Lime has a killer ThemThem over on her site...

Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
Um...a perfect fool - does that count?

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
If I ever get those abs-o-steel I will pierce my bellybutton.
::sigh::

Do you sleep on your side, stomach, or back?
yes. Oh --am I supposed to choose one? That sucks. I kinda like all three. I hate having to choose just one -- I mean, isn't that just like only eating vanilla, or only eating chocolate? And never exploring other flavors? BORRRRRinggggg!

Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?
Yup. Often followed by, "Are those real?" For the record: eyes, boobs and ass - all real.

How do you feel about chocolate covered strawberries?
I especially love them when they are lowered into my mouth by some gorgeous hunk. Maybe with an accent....or maybe with piercing eyes. Oh! Wait! If I can't have bellyring, maybe I could have piercing eyes looking at me.

Are you self-conscious?
very. Often I try to mask this with self-depreciating remarks.

How do you vent anger?
I am the original "straw that breaks the camel's back." I take it, take it, take it, and then blow.
Okay -- we're talking anger, not sex.

How did your day start off?
in my own bed. Which, after a week on the beach, followed by a week in a Nebraska bed, felt wonderful. Perfect. Or almost perfect.... if there were strawberries, chocolate, piercing something-or-others...

Does anyone hate you?
Probably. whatevah. I am the Jayne -- gotta love me. Or get outta my way.

Can you handle the truth?
yes. It may make me retreat and lick my wounds, but I can handle just about anything. Err.....'cept my food touching.

Favorite fair food?
again -- just one!?!?!? WTF!?!?!? Do you KNOW what they have!?!?!?!? I don't go to the fair for the rides -- I go for the food. I start with a cinnamon roll, followed by teriyaki beef on a stick (meat on a stick. yum), corn dog (more meat on a stick), funnel cake with strawberries and whip cream- hey!! whip cream would be nice with the strawberries, chocolate and the hot dude with the piercings....

Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
Eventually I get around to telling them. Never is too fricking long.

Have you ever kissed anyone named Katie?
Ummmm.....I think Katie kissed me goodnight once. But it was on the top of my head -- on account of the fact that I was Drunk Jayne that night. Drunk barfing Jayne. Katie-good-friend.

What did you do Saturday?
Visiting my Dad in Nebraska. I love you Daddy.

What would you do if someone told you that you were the most beautiful person in the world and they would do anything to wake up to your face each and every morning?
1. Look for the hidden camera.
2. Make sure Ashton Kutcher is nowhere to be found.
3. Verify that the speaker's jacket doesn't fasten in the back.
4. Drag them down the hallway. (Note to self: stock up on strawberries, chocolate, whip cream. Toss the batteries....)

Do you trust all of your friends?
Yes. Otherwise they are not my friends.

Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
Lawdy, lawdy, lawdy....this one is scary. Yes. okay - I said it. It must be so...

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
Yes -- and most of the time I'm not informed of the reason for a very long time. Which can really piss me off, 'cause I wanna know NOW!!! And, for the record, yes, I do read the last page of the book. Again, whatevah...

Would you make a good parent?
If you had asked Erynn between the ages of 10-15, she would have said no. Now she would tell you that I was a great parent. I think I did a pretty good job -- she's fabulous.

Who do you love the most?
Umm....the guy from above who thinks I'm the most beautiful person in the world and is waiting for me in some other state or country with strawberries, chocolate and whip cream.

Morning or night person?
Yes. Crap! Again, you think this is a choice!?!?!?!? I wake up happy, I go to sleep happy. Why not? After all, I've got this incredible piercing guy with strawberries....

What makes you lose your appetite?
food touching. This may be a new diet strategy for me. If it's all touching, I won't eat it!

Do you get along with guys or girls better?
Guys… I have always gotten along better with guys. Did you know that I was the manager for the wrestling team in high school? 'nuff said.

Last time you smiled?
twenty seconds ago as I visualized the piercing guy with strawberries and whip cream. ::sigh:: Oops! I did it again!

Are you taller than 5′5”?
Only in my dreams. Oh, and according to the ideal-weight charts, I should definitely be taller than 5'5"

Would you rather have love or money?
You and your fricking choices. They don't say Bonnie OR Clyde. Chicken OR Rice. Strawberries OR Chocolate. Get real, man. Love and Money - what a combo. Can I supersize it, please?

Have you ever been punched by the opposite sex?
Well, he actually kicked me. Three times. So I hit him. Then he tried to bite me. So I told him he fought like a girl, and proceeded to kick his ass.

Have you ever dated someone for longer than a year?
Well, let's see: I was married for 18, dated for three before that. Does that count? But since that - nope. Dating sucks. Did a whole show on the matter.

Have you ever told someone you were single when you really weren’t?
Me? no. Voldemort? yes.

Last person you went to the movies with?
My mom and my niece, Madison. We went to see Wall-E. Great moviE.

Has anyone ever borrowed something from you and never returned it?
Well, somethings you don't want back -- like when they say, "Can I borrow a kleenex?" I mean, seriously, keep it. I don't want it back.

Today did you hug a person you have feelings for?
does a cyberhug count?

If a stranger looked in your closet, what would they think?
Well, they'd probably be thinking, "Wow. Lots -o- shoes." Unless, of course, it's that hot piercing guy from another country or state with the strawberries and chocolate....in which case, he ain't looking in my closet....'cause I've got him somewhere else!

Do you want to be married right now?
No. I'm not ruling it out, but probably no. I do know that I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, but I'm not sure I wanna be married. Mostly 'cause I might have to give him some of the closet space....

What’s bothering you right now?
obsessing about finding the piercing guy from another state or country...

Do people underestimate your intelligence?
Nope. I don't let them.

Do people underestimate you?
On first impression, yes. After first conversation, not very often.

Does it bother you when someone says they’ll call you and they don’t?
Duh! Don't tell me you'll call if you're not going to. And if you tell me I'm wonderful and you can't imagine waking up anywhere else, you'd better make sure you don't wake up anywhere else....

What are you doing tomorrow?
Grade writing samples. And stalking dudes from other states and countries...

Name a quote from the song you’re listening to:
"My morals got me on my knees..." Mercy, by Duffy. Mercy, mercy, me.

Have you ever hated someone, but ended up being friends with them?
There are people that are so beautiful on the outside that you just wanna hate em....and then you discover that they're just as (or more so) beautiful on the inside, and you just gotta love em.

Last time to the mall?
Mall? For what? I'm not a mall kinda gal....

Did you sing at all today?
Hel-LO!?!?!? Did you see above? Morals got me on my knees. I'm begging you for mercy. Go listen. seriously. It'll have you begging too.

Do you miss anyone?
Yes. He's in another state. Or country. With strawberries.

What side of a heart do you draw first?
Well, I draw the right side, but it's because I'm a lefty, and if I draw the left side, it gets smeared when I draw the right side....

Who has your heart?
Me. Because I don't want it broken again. But, before you get your panties in a twist, I'm only holding it - it ain't locked away anymore. When the right one asks for it, I'll hand it over. Hopefully, he'll remember to bring the strawberries...

How long has that person had it?
Since Christmas 2003.

Do you know how to use some words correctly?
Ummm.....I teach Middle School English. So, usually....yes. Although I have been know to screw up then/than and good/well whilst in a hurry. whatevah..... I know how to properly use "whom." Which makes me sound smart. Or pretentious. again, whatevah...

Do you like to sleep?
Yes -- although I REALLY like sleeping with a somebody other than the catbody.

Do you wear a lot of black?
Not really. Although I am fond of black undergarments....

Do you have a tan?
No. I am the original white-girl. I keep telling myself I will look fabulous at ninety...

Do you enjoy spending time with your mother?
Yes -- I just spent a week with her, and we talk every Saturday morning...

Do you like orange juice?
I like Sunny Delight better. More flavor - less bitter.

Where do you wish you were right now?
In bed. And yes, if you've been paying attention, you'd know with whom and with what.
(Notice the use of "whom." "My, isn't she clever?" you're thinking....)

Does your temper flare a lot?
No. But when it does, back-that-thang up, and get the frick outta the way!

Do you get emotional easily?
yes, I cry at the drop of a hat. Hell, I cry at commercials!

Do you like to cuddle?
Cuddling rocks. Don't believe me? Come on over, sweetie!

Which shoe goes on first?
Duh. That is the most stupid question ever. Whichever one I pick up first. I mean seriously, you pick up the left one, and you're gonna say, "Oops. I have to put this one down, and pick up the other one, because I always put the right one on first." That's just stupid.

Name one thing you do that people always tell you about?
1. I say, "You know" way too much.
2. I have an nasty/sexy/loud/____ laugh.
3. I talk about going to the store - a lot.
4. I have a hard time only saying one thing.

Can you sleep without blankets covering you?
Nope. Because the bogeyman might get me.

How much money do you have on you?
None. 'cause I don't have any pockets, and it would just look silly if I licked and sticked bills and coins all over my body.
yes, I know "sticked" ain't a word, but it sounded good. again, whatevah....

Close your eyes.. what image do you see?
A strawberry. ::sigh:: I think I'm gonna be going to the store tonight...

Last piece of mail you got?
He had lovely brown hair, blue eyes, and a great set--
oh....not that kind of male.
does email count?

How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
sleep is for woosies. Bring it on -- I can stay up all night. Can you?

Last trip you took to the zoo?
I don't need to go to the zoo -- my life is a zoo. Besides, I live in the country: horses, cats, snakes, frogs, eagles, hawks, owls. and it's free.

Name things you absolutely cannot stand:
Hel-LO!?!?!? Are you NOT listening!?!?!? FOOD TOUCHING!!!!! But at least I'm not one of those weirdos that eat all of one food before eating the next thing.....although, come to think of it, those weirdos might have strawberries....and chocolate.....

Did you have a nap today?
Yes. And it was wonderful.

Are you comfortable with answering personal questions?
Yes -- although people are often uncomfortable with my answers.

When is the last time you had ice cream?
Last week during Camp Surf, at Cowabunga Ice Cream in San Diego. Chocolate chip and Rainbow Sherbet.
Ice Cream can touch a little bit.... as long as they don't, like, mix...

Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
Let's go see: 1......2.......3......4.....crunch! ::sigh:: yes. And some live in other states.....and countries......with strawberries....and chocolate......and whipped piercings.....::sigh:: I am working myself up here...

Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
Again with the choices!?!?!?!? Let's just go with, "yes." Please.

What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Mine. Sometimes I'm a rebel and sleeping on the other side. I'm such a baaadddd girl, eh?

Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke?
No -- Driving and puking is gross. But I've had to pull over for someone else to puke.

Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
No. Not for money. Although I might be persuaded with strawberries, choc--

Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
Yes. Again, why settle for "Brad OR George" when you could have both-okay, maybe that analogy doesn't work so well here.

Do you love someone in your friends list?
Do I? no Could I? yes. Definitely, yes.

Do you know all the people in your friends list?
MySpace - yes. Facebook - I have physically met all but 2. Blog - well, we've all been writing together for so long, that even though I haven't physically met them, I can emphatically state that, "Yes, I KNOW them."


Would you rather go camping or to a 5 star hotel?
The "where" isn't as important as the "who" I'm going with...

Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
Okay smartypants, you choose: driver seat of a Honda CR-V or a Cessna 182. Both were traveling in excess of 70 MPH.

Ever had sex in the bathroom?
yes - but not a public bathroom, 'cause that's just gross.

Have you ever had sex at work?
not since I worked at the Drop Zone packing parachutes...

Ever been caught having sex?
Who hasn't?

Does anyone have naughty pictures of YOU?
I'm not gonna say a definite yes, but I'll tell you who doesn't: Voldemort!

Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
Nope. But I know a guy who called everyone "Darling" so he didn't have just such an embarrassing moment. He never called me "Darling"......and his first wife's name was Jane.

Who do you think has the guts to repost this?
Doesn't take guts.....just time....maybe Lime and Kfarmer.

A Surf Quickie

::sigh::
I leave for Nebraska on Monday to see the folks, and want to get a few pics up on my surf trip.
First, I am lucky to be alive.
Seriously.
First, I got attacked by a HUGE octopus. Remember that one in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea? It was THAT big -- it pulled me off my surf board and wrestled me to the bottom of the ocean. I am amazed I got away.
Don't believe me, eh? Look for yourself! Okay -- SOME people said I just got clobbered by a killer wave. But I'm sticking with my story -- it is much more exciting.

I will have to wait for pictures of me surfing and body boarding (why is it so hard for me to remember to give my camera to others?) -- but here's a few I managed to get on my camera.

Here is me with one of the teens I took down. Be afraid.....be very afraid. Actually, he's a really sweet guy....he just has really sharp and really pointy hair.

We went bay kayaking and surf kayaking. "What are the similarities and differences?" you ask. "Easy," I respond, "in both, I am the person in the back. However, in
Bay kayaking:

No Waves.

whereas whilst Surf Kayaking

BIG WAVES!

Big waves that try to kick your a$$, but don't stand a chance, because, after all, you are, AirplanefrickingJayne.

'nuff said.

Yup.....it's that time again.

August, once again, finds Jayne heading southward....to
CAMP SURF!!!!! Tomorrow morning I will board a charter bus with 24 teens and 4 adults, and head to Imperial Beach, just south of San Diego.









This is one of my favorite things to do - body boarding. I think it is easier than surfing (duh), and just as much fun. Except for that time when the big wave flipped me and the tip of my board planted on the ocean floor, and I ended up with a HUGE bruise. But last year was my first time (gasp! a virgin!) at surf kayaking: catch a wave and ride it!

I keep wondering when I'll be too old for this fun shit.....all I know is that I ain't too old now...



See ya' dudes and dudettes... I'm gonna go catch some gnarly waves, get salt in my hair, and sand everywhere else.

Hot Condoms!!!!

okay....I confess:
I thought it was gonna tell me what kind of condom I was.
so imagine my surprise when it came back, "hot sauce."
"Hot sauce condoms!?!?!?" I internally retorted, "that sounds downright painful!"

Then I realized it was "condiment" not "condom."

In my best Emily Litella voice, "Nevermind."

You Are Hot Sauce

You are the life of any party, because you're so good at bringing people out of their shell. I say "life of the party" you say "scene stealer." Whatevah. But seriously.....I don't hang out with snails. I don't eat them either. NO amount of hot sauce can make slimey be yummy....and talk about food touching! I mean, they kinda ooze all over and touch every-- 'scuse me....I think I just made myself a little sick... You have a knack for helping people happily embrace their true selves, as long as they're not snails.... You are ambitious, driven, and fearless. You love taking risks. Yup! I am a risk taker! As long as it doesn't involve my food touching... Your taste in food is 100% adventurous. Correct again! Ummm....as long it's not touching each other... You're up for sampling any exotic cuisine or someone's kitchen experiments. Correctomundo! As long as it's not touching... You live for trying new things, and you get sick of eating the same food (even if it's very delicious), and, again, as long as it's not touching...

What Condiment Are You?

I love summer camp!

It is amazing to me that even though I grew up as a military-brat-on-the-move, I am blessed that as an adult, I am able to go to the same camp that I went to as a kid. Come along, and see how I spent last weekend.

Okay -- first let me tell you: my hair is up all weekend, and I have no makeup. This is unusual for me. I don't wear alot, but I do feel nekkid without it. Let's move on, before I start noticing how dry and wrinkled I am...



Now....this concerned me immensely.... "Holy shit!" I worried, "they've moved the toilets outside?!? And there's a him and hers?" Some of you may remember that I have some serious potty issues.......I was relieved to find that I could relieve myself inside. These were just....extras.....
One of my...."jobs" is to take the group on a hike. In years past, we've done Big Baldy, Little Baldy, Big Meadow, Tokopah Falls, North Grove Loop. This year, we decided to return to Crystal Caves. It was always a favorite of mine as a kid, and I've done it as an adult numerous times.

The cave, you perves, the cave.
To access the cave, you take a 1/2 mile trail down. Here's a couple shots along that trail. Yes....that means the hike OUT of the cave is all up hill. I hate uphill. But there are some lovely things to look at on the way down...and up.

Finally, you reach the mouth of the cave....and the 48degree breeze blowing out of it feels so good!


We waited about 20 minutes for our group to begin. We were told to not touch....but this sign invited us to touch. ::sigh:: talk about mixed signals. (Lawdy, lawdy, and with all my talk about caves, and ups, and downs, and mouths, etc. I so was wanting to touch something....) Mixed or not, touched or not, into the cave we went. Crystal caves was discovered in the 20's, and was the first (and only) cave in the Sequoia National Forest open to the public. For those of you who live here, and those of you who don't, I recommend this to everyone. If you want me to take you, tell me. I love this one!










There are some beautiful sites close to our camp, one being Eagle Trail. It was aptly named because it was an Eagle Scout's project. It makes a circle around camp, through meadows and big trees, and contains floral and fauna that I wish would grow in my own yard. After finishing my hike, I snapped this shot of the moonrise.









And, of course, no camp is complete without a group shot. Here you go -- both then (1975) and now (2008).

HALLELUJAH , (shrek song)

The first time I heard this song, I was moved to tears. Allison Krause and k.d. lang do versions that are fantastic. But I think this has got to be my new favorite rendition. These guys are awesome.

**edit**
::sigh::
For whatever reason, YOUTUBE is being difficult....
here's a link:

Not my fault......

Courtesy of Lime..... What the Beach Test Says About You

You tend to be a very social person. You live for your friends and family. You can get social burnout occasionally though. You aren't a total extrovert. Yes....and when I am socially burned out and hiding, my good friend Lecram makes sure I don't hermit too long. You have cold feet when it comes to love. You have a lot of uncertainty until you convince yourself to dive right in. Why and how the frick does bloggy things always bring up my love life!?!?!? Hey...I have no problem with the diving thing....as long is it's out of a plane... You are deeply passionate about several things in your life. You're not passionate about much... and the few passions you have are truly obsessions. How can I be deeply passionate about several things and not much at the same time, PLUS have obsessions. Puhlease....next thing you'll be trying to give me a Facebook intervention. ::STAY AWAY LECRAM! IT IS NOT AN ADDICTION!!!!:: Your sense of humor is goofy and silly. You are good at making almost anyone laugh. Duh.

The Beach Test

What Your Flip Flops Say About You

You are hopeful and romantic. You love many people and many things. You aren't unrealistic, but you do imagine things in the most ideal way possible. You are a dreamer. If something exists, you've probably thought about it. You don't think about what is, you think about what could be. Your ideal warm weather place: Fiji Huh? I'm sorry, did you say something? I was just lounging here in my flipflops daydreaming about how wonderful my upcoming Fiji vacation with George Clooney will be.....

The Flip Flop Test

You Are a Halter Bikini

You're an athletic girl with a hot athletic bod to match. And you've got a great tan, probably from all those beach volleyball games! Well......bloggy things can't get everything right, eh? But seriously, I WOULD choose surfing and bodyboarding over reading a book at the beach. ..

What Kind of Bikini Are You?

You Should Spend Your Summer at the Beach

You're a free spirit who is always thinking of new ways to have fun. And you don't just love summer... you live for it. So, you really should blow off your responsibilities and head to the beach! Sold! I am a free spirit (or at least inexpensive). I live for the summer (as long as I've sunscreen). I am ready to blow off Responsibilities (whoever that is) if he will take me to the beach.

Where Should You Spend Your Summer?

Here I go again....

...24 days to remember how this thing goes.....
::sigh::

Ray Charles - Bein' Green - CD Quality Audio

Next best thing to Kermit singing it....

oops.....

Okay -- so I can't believe I left out the scariest part of the visitation....

but I did...

shit.
I am usually a much better storyteller....I apologize.

Okay, so rewind to the part where

I WOKE THE FUCK UP.
(part 1 and part 2)

After laying in bed and allowing the heartrate to return to normal, I was finally able to fall asleep. Suddenly, I'm aware of a crushing weight on my back. Something is pinning me down to the bed.
I try to roll over.
I can't.

I try to speak.
I can't.

I try to sit up and scream.
I can't.

"Oh," I think, "this must be another dream! I'll just shift out of it, or wake up."
But I can't.

Because it is not a dream. I am awake, and being held down by something.

"PleaseGodPleaseGodPleaseGodPlea," I silently pleaded.

After about 20 seconds, the weight was lifted, and I could speak. and roll over. and sit. and scream.

all of which I did as I ran out of the bedroom and to the couch.

And Now.....
(as Paul Harvey would say)

you know......the REST of the story.....

No more boogieman

So, my spiritual advisor (the ordained one, not Lecram --although lecram is the one who suggested I call a priest) came out to the ranchette yesterday. We started in my room with holy oil and water. Pooh-pooh and pashaw what you will; both of us felt something there, something definitely not-ever-human, and definitely-not-nice. As we moved through the room, I felt it leave. My room is now back to being my restful sanctuary. Amen

I do not share my bed with many
-gawd, that line is so truthful, sad, and funny all at the same time

-but because of your love, thoughts, and prayers, I wanted to show you where I finally got to sleep after a week on the couch.

The Mirrored Me.....

Caution: You may not be able to sleep after reading this:

I remember, as a child, waking from a nightmare. I don’t remember the specific nightmare, but I sat up in bed. I started to get out of bed, to head to the safety of my parent’s bed, when I noticed there was a mist….a fog in the hallway. It was about waist high – and sort of rolling.

And I knew it was bad. I knew I couldn’t walk through it – and I knew it wanted to come in the room. My room. But it stayed in the hall. I remember almost silently calling for my Mom –and somehow she heard. I will never forget the sight of my Mom wading thru the mist to save me. I closed my eyes and hung on tight to her as she led me to the safety of my parents room.

I had lots of nightmares as a child – and they were never like anyone else’s. Most of you remember The Lady with the Flashlight Eyes – and my other nightmares were equally as scary. On some level, I knew that often, my dreams were a window to some other place. Occassionally, “that place” leaked into my real world. I remember as a teenager, remembering that as a small child, I could sometimes see creatures in the trees. I don’t remember seeing t hem now – I just remember that as a teen, I remembered that I saw them as a child.

As a child, Erynn was plagued with it too. I taught her how to “change her dreams” and that worked most of the time. One of her more vivid nightmare stands out: I heard her crying, so I went to her room. She told me that in her dream, there had been a wolf in her closet. She told it to go away, and it snarled, “What’s your name?” She wouldn’t answer, and it growled before it faded. And -- the kicker – she was sure she was awake and sitting when it asked her name.

I grabbed her and ran to the safety of my bed.

Erynn also remembers seeing what she described as shadow people. She would be reading or drawing, sometimes in the middle of the day , and something/someone would almost take shape next to her, move around, and then fade away. She says the last time it happened she was (around) 14, and something that looked big and scary was starting to take shape. She looked at it and said, “You are not allowed here. Go away.” It did, and she never saw them again.

Why this? Why now?

Because I am having another nightmare. Another serial nightmare. I’m calling it “The Mirrored Me.” And I’m hoping to bring it to an end – quickly.

The first dream – that I clearly remember – was one of those “You think you are awake but you are still sleeping” dreams. In the dream, I woke up, and had to pee. That’s not unusual. So, I go to the bathroom, turn on the light, pee, and wash my hands. Something in the mirror catches my eye, so I look up. But it’s only me. But, wait….my face looks….strange…not quite right. I lean a little closer, turning my face from side to side, trying to figure it out. But I can’t quite put my finger on it…. Puzzled, I just sorta stare……

And the Me in the mirror, grins an evil grin at me.

I woke the fuck up.

I know I’ve had a few since – but I don’t remember the details. It had been awhile… until the other night.

Again, I’m awake, and I gotta pee. I get up, go to the bathroom, turn the light on, pee, and wash my hands. I decide (why, I don’t know) to brush my teeth. While I am brushing my teeth, I get that Deja-Vu feeling, and (I don’t know why) I begin to brush faster. Faster, and faster – trying to trip “her” up – but she’s keeping up – of course! Because it is only a reflection, right? Brush, brush, faster, faster, switch hands, brus-

She didn’t switch hands. She put the fucking brush down and started reaching towards me.

I woke the fuck up.

I have been sleeping on the couch the last two nights. I’m having the priest over this weekend to bless the house.

Send all the good stuff you can my way. …

A bunch of stupid questions

So, I stole this from one of my old youth-group kids. She's not old....but she's too old to be in the youth--
oh bother....
I thought it would be a fun-filler while I work on a dream-post for later in the week. (yes: tease, tease, taunt, taunt, and quick poke-to-the-ribs)

[1] What's one thing that would instantly make you dislike a person?
When people are cruel. Yes, cruel as in mean, but also cruel as in condescending. I hate people that make cruel jokes about others, or at their expense.

[2] What do you do when you need to relax?
ummm......well......I like to ......go to the store? Yup! I like to go shopping! EITHER kind of shopping, actually....

[3] Why do you think there is war in the world?
Because of man's inherent selfishness and self-centeredness. There will always be a war SOMEWHERE, because SOMEONE will think they deserve something, or that someone else wronged them.

[4] Do you think it's OK to sometimes tell lies?
Do I think it's ok? No. Lies are like that space between right and wrong: you start off in the right, and before you know it, you have slid so far into the wrong that redemption appears futile. HOWEVER, I also think that as humans, it is nigh-on impossible for us not to lie.
So.....lie sparingly and small.

[5] Do you like things in life to stay how they are or change?
Things must change. One of my favorite analogies is this: Still water grows stagnant. To remain fresh, it must move.

[6] If someone liked you, what would be the best way to let you know?
Walk up to me, grab me (gently) by the shoulders, and say, "Airplane Jayne, I like you. Alot. Would you like to fill-in-the-blank? Oh.....and make me give you an answer.

[7] What are you listening to right now?
the voices in my head. They're arguing about #6. Some think I shouldn't have said fill-in-the-blank. And Molly is threatening to knock someone out if they grab me.



[8] If you won a lot of money on the lottery, what would you buy first?
a bunch of plane tickets. I am traveling!

[9] Would it change your life?
It would change my experiences, but I don't think "my life" would change.

[10] What was the last thing you purchased?
dinner with Lecram. DiCicco's lasgna and ravioli. Yum.

[11] What do you do when you're stressed out?
um.....refer to #2 above.....

[12] Would you honestly say you'd risk your life for someone else?
Without a doubt, yes.

[13] Do you believe in Aliens?
Yes. I think it's a bit ostentatious to think we are the only intelligent life "out there." Hell, sometimes I wonder if we can really be considered "intelligent."

[14] Could you forgive a boyfriend or girlfriend who physically hurt you?
No. And trust me, I hit back. Hard.

[15] What's your greatest fear in life?
I don't have any fears. I have some concerns or worries, but no fears. Fear is for wussies.


[16] Do you have a best friend?
Yes. Actually, I have 2-3 people that fit that bill.

[17] Are you afraid of death?
Nope. I already cheated it twice. However, I am one of those strange ducks that wants to know when I'm going -- I want to be able to say goodbye one last time.

[18] Do you think parents should stay together for the kids?
I wish I hadn't.

[19] Can money buy happiness?
No. And it can't buy me love either. But it can buy a hell-of-alot-of batteries.

[20] Are you looking forward to anything?
Yes. I think July will be explosive, August will be a stroll down memory lane, September will be exciting, and there's a chance that October will be explosive also!

[21] Write some lyrics from the song you're listening to?
I ain't settlin', for just gettin' by, I've had enough of so-so for the rest of my life.
(appropriate, eh?)

[22] Do you open up to people easily?
Pretty much. But I have a really high inner wall.

[23] Has anyone given you a compliment today?
Um....does the cat rubbing up against me count? How about the horses? If they don't count, then the answer is no -- BECAUSE THERE'S NO ONE ELSE HERE!!! Oh! wait! Molly says I look cute today. Oh....the voices don't count either? Nevermind.

[24] What do your friends call you?
Airplane Jayne. APj. some just call me crazy.

[25] Has anyone upset you in the last week?
yes

[26] What usually causes your relationships to end?
We didn't have enough in common to begin with

[27] Are you close to your parents?
yes very close.

[28] What's the best thing about you?
If you ask for my opinion, I will be honest. Even if I know it's not what you want to hear.


[29] Do you think you would be a good parent?
yes, but I'm not interested in beginning the process again.

[30] Are you a forgiving person?
Yes....but it is not easy

[32] Who was the last person of the opposite sex you had a conversation with?
Lecram. Over pasta. Um....the conversation was over pasta, not Lecram....

[33] Where is the last place you went out to eat?
Geez! You don't pay attention, do you? Please refer to #10

[34] Whats your favorite drink?
water

[35] Do you miss anyone?
yes. a few people. Hopefully I will see some of them before the year's end.



[36] What were you doing at 3 AM this morning?
sleeping. Thank God.

[37] Who do you hate?
Voldemort. Yup....still working on #30

[38] Is your room clean?
yes. and the bed is made too. Wanna come mess it up?

[39] What are you going to do tomorrow?
summer school.

[40] What is in store for your future?
My answer is, "yes. I plan on going to the store in the future."

[41] Do you take care of your friends while they're sick?
Not if they're sick repeatedly.

[42] When was the last time you purchased something over $500?
My new TV. Which I haven't paid for yet. So does it still count?

[43] Any piercings?
Ears.

[44] Favorite color?
purple

[45] Who is your favorite person to have a serious conversation with?
Molly. Oh, the voices in my head don't count? Shit.

[46] Who was driving the last time you were in a car?
It better have been me, 'cause Molly tends to have road-rage

[47] What kind of digital camera brand do you have?
I don't have any brands or tattoos.

[48] Does any part of your body hurt right now?
Well, I've been told I'm a pain in the ass....

[49] How many tickets do you have?
for what? the store? the show? be more specific!

[50] Do you like coffee?
yes. But I'm not supposed to drink it.

[51] Why are you doing this survey?
im bored

[52] Who was the last person that texted you?
Dr. Jones

[53] What does your twelfth message in your inbox say?
None of your business. :)


[54] What are you craving?
See #52

[55] Whats the closest red thing to you?
My cheeks. Because I'm thinking about #52 & #53


[56] What is the last pill you swallowed?
regret.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
But really, the last pill I swallowed was a vitamin.

[57] How did you sleep last night?
with the lights on. Because of "The Mirrored Me." tease-tease-taunt-taunt New Nightmare story coming.

[58] What was the first thing you thought this morning?
I am not gonna look in the mirror.....

[59] What did you do last night?
Did you NOT read #58 and #59!?!?!?!?!?

[60] Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?
Yes. Otherwise Molly might take over.....and that could be very scary....

[61] What were you doing at 7 am?
You are getting awfully personal....

[62] Are there any previous relationships you wish could have lasted long?
short answer? yes.

So....my Katie-did just posted this. How the hell does she have time for this!?!?!? She just got married for criminintely! She should be have all kinds of se- store outings Not doing silly little memes.... Now me? I am definitely doing less Costco trips -- so I've plenty of time for this kindacrap....

Use the 1st letter of your last name to answer each of the following... *they have to be real places, names, things...nothing made up! Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same 1st initial. (WHICH BY THE WAY IS HARD IF YOU ALREADY READ THEIR ANSWERS) You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl

1. What is your last name?...................Day
Very simple to spell, very simple to remember: Have a nice ___. Oh what a beautiful ___. Saturday was my favorite ____.

2. 4 letter word.................................Dame
Whenever I hear this word - I picture Lauren Bacall....Rita Hayworth....Rosalind Russell....
Dontcha just love this word? Damn! I wanna be a dame!!!!

3. Vehicle.....................................Delorean
With a name like AirplaneJayne, it just goes to follow that I'd have a car with wings.


4. City / Neighborhood ..............Deadman's Cay in the Bahamas
I know nothing about it -- but geez, it sounds very piratey - eh?

5. Boy Name .................................. Dear
But his first name would be "Jim"

6. Girl Name .................................Darling
She, of course, is married to #5
(okay, obscure to some of you, so here's a hint: Lady and the Tramp)

7. Occupation ............................. Diver
as in "sky." okay, it wasn't an occupation -- but I did get paid....

8. Something you wear:.............. Diamonds.
Even though they are not my best friends.....

9. Food .......................................... dessert
any kind. always good

10. Found in a bathroom........... Dil
Umm...I'm pleading the 5th....

11. Reason for Being Late..........Duh!
see #10

12. Something you shout........Darling!
ummm....I seem to be stuck somewhere around 10 and 11.

13. Animal........Dove
My white dove (aptly) named, "Spirit."

14. Body part.......'dacious ta-tas
so I forgot the "bo" at the beginning, BFD. Rules-schmules.....

I know, I know, I am such a dork....

when Erynn was little, I used her as an excuse to go see Disney movies....

In that same vein (double-entendre intended)I am so glad I teach 7th grade-'cause I can use that as an excuse for having to have read this series.
-in less than 10 days.
::sigh::
Bite me, Edward.

That's all I can say....

Not the typical APj post....

I am disgusted.
I will be taking a detour from my regularly scheduled lesson - today, this is my lesson . Today, my students will be hearing, once again, that we must be a community. And that as a community - neighborhood, city, state, nation, and world community, we are responsible for each other.

This man should not have laid alone, bleeding on the streets of Hartford while people watched from the sidewalk.

Shame, shame, shame.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose....

But you can't pick your friend's nose....unless, of course, you are at the wedding of Katie-did and Fishstick.

Of course, some might turn their noses up at that kind of behavior. You know the kind: fancy drinks, hair and boobs for miles - and that's just Nate! We won't even mention Joy's bodacious ta-tas. Oh...I just did, huh?















Of course, whenever there's a celebrity wedding, and believe me, Fishstick thinks he's a celebrity -- the paparazzi (aka Solitaire will be all over it. Here's my proof.


She wanted to get a compromising picture of the bride and groom. She heard they were doing the nasty on the cake -- by the time she got there, this is all she found:


Oh, and can I just say that this is one of the best pics of me? Lecram, somehow you always get good shots of me. Thanks!