Superman Steve!

For some of you, this was your introduction, for others it was this, but either way, by now, most of you have either met him or heard me rant about Steve.

I met Steve a million years ago, when I was still married to Voldemort. He rented an L.A. apartment a few doors down from my good friend Edwina. I remember the first time I saw him saunter past her doorway.
"Holy Cow, Edwina! Who the hell is that?"
"A.P. the J., that is Steven -- omigawd, I can't remember his last name. Begins with a "K." Charming lad, didn't even seem to mind the pink underwear."

-Let me explain: Edwina was in-between shops for her business at the time -- and so had resigned herself to dyeing using the apartment's facilities. And I guess the washer didn't get rinsed out as well as it should have been.....
But Steve didn't seem to bat an eye about the pink chonies.
Or any other malady we inflicted on him.
-He was our never-complaining straight date to big Hollywood dodahs, dancing up a storm at a moments notice (he even owned his own tux).
-He would offer (and follow through, thankyouverymuch) to come down/over and cook breakfast the morning after latenight drinkings.

and my personal favorite:
Edwina and I had been up 30+ hours, planning a high school graduation for her daughter, and a Disneyland trip for her (Edwina's) birthday. We were all having a blast at Disneyland, and Steven tried to bid us adieu, saying he was going to drop the relative(s) off at the airport and go home to bed.
"Listen, whippersnapper!" I challenged, "We're older than you. And we've been up longer! If you are any kind of man, you'll come back and find us."

Yes, yes, you are right: a challenge issued by APj is not to be taken lightly. And he didn't. Not only did he return, but he found us, and we rode Space Mountain!

ummm...that is not a euphemism of any kind. it's not like that.

Steve has kinda been my Obi-Wan, my older brother (even though he is younger). After my divorce, he and Kajsa (his more-beautiful-half) cheered me up often. He came to perform at Rogue 2005, and through him I met and became a part of the Rogue and my fellow Roguers. Along the way, he has done his best to....jumpstart......my.....dating life, by....making "introductions. Okay, yes, I say "introductions" you say, "pimping." B.F.D. Some were not so successful, others....more so.

So why this homage to Steve? No, no, don't worry, he is not dying of some horrible, fatal disease (although the thought has crossed my mind). Nope, nothing as permanent as that. But Steve, Kajsa, and their beautiful daughter, Anja are moving to Sweden. It is "going home" trip for Kajsa, and the beginning of a "new adventure" for Steven. And for me? I am so happy for them to be able to make this move, but I am going to miss them. I would feel sad......but they have promised to find me another Swedish Sailor. Perhaps this time I'll know what to do with one....

Grand Funk Railroad (Mark Farner) - Bad Time - 8/24/07

Heard this early this morning, and had to come find it and post it.

Sorry -- really busy with school, family, blah-blah. I PROMISED to post SOON!!!

but for now -- dance with me!

::Let her be somebody elses queen....::

Something about Indie....

Okay, APj here. Don't I make a cute M&M? This is how I see the "inner me." Okay, maybe not so green....but definitely in smokin hot red boots, smirking and offering my ice cream cone. You wanna make your own M&M? Be my guest....




And while were on the M&M kick - I swear: this was emailed to me. I DID NOT go looking for it.
Yup. Indiana Jones came lookin' fer me....








So I made an Indie M&M.









I am going to go play Temple of Doom now. See ya.

Ray Price - For the Good Times

I'm having a "Daddy" moment this morning. As you know, my Dad has been battling emphysema and dementia over the last few years, and it has been hard on him, my siblings, and my mother. Ray Price was one of my Dad's favorites. I knew all the words, and it would make him smile when I sang along.
Daddy, I'm thinking about you, and I love you.
"One more time....for the good times."

Boyfriend + Girlfriend = Quiz

Okay - this is rather strange.....My niece sent this to me. "Haha!" I laughed, "I certainly am not going to do this...."

And then my friend Katie-Did MySpaced it.

"Hmmmm....."thought I, "maybe it's a sign...."

BE HONEST...
DON'T CHICKEN OUT,...

1) Taken or single
Single. Not that I want to be mind you, although I think my fear of being taken a)to the cleaners b)for a ride or c)for a fool contributes to my continuing singleness.

2) Do you like it?
Depends on the context. Single woman with two closets? Fantastic! Single woman waking from a scary dream? Not so fantastic

3) Would you still kiss your ex?
No. And if any of you see me kissing Voldemort, please assume that he is using dark magic and PLEASE come and rescue me!

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
Where the f#x$ have you been living? My heart, although healed, is still fragile.

5) Do you believe certain circumstances where cheating is okay?
On a diet? yup! On a mate? not no way, not no how. Never.

6) Are you missing someone right now?
Yes. And that is all I'm going to say.

7) Do you Want children?
Errm....well, I have a one, and I was married to one for 20+ years. So.....no. No, I don't want anymore, thank you.

8) If yes how many?
What part of "no" did you not understand?

9) Would you consider adoption?
Do I LOOK like Angefrickinlina Jolie?!?!?!? No, No, a thousand times no...... ummmm.....unless Brad Pitt comes along with the package.

10) If someone likes you would you want them to tell you?
Gawd, yes. I am so tired of beating around bushes...strike that. I am so tired of finding out weeks/months/years/decades later that "So-and-so really liked you." Just tell me! "Hi APj! I like you!"

11) do you want someone you can't have?
I did....but I'm getting over it. Actually, I think I've gotten over it.

12) Do you believe in celebrating Anniversaries?
yes. I especially love it when someone else remembers it before I do.

13) Do you get butterflies around the one you like?
Yes. And they fly round and round in my stomach, and then exit: either up, as a burp, or down, as a....well, really, do I have to say it? :)

14) Do any of your Ex's still have feelings for you?
I don't care.


15) Have you slept at a boyfriends/girlfriends house?
Are you frickin' kidding me!?!?!? A Sleep-over? Is that an invitation? What should I wear?

I am not addicted to bloggy things...really...no...really...

First off...this is not my fault. I have not done a bloggy thing in a long time
REALLY, LECRAM!! I HAVEN'T!!!!!
But I go and look at Katie-did's blog.....and....and...and....
FOUND ALL THESE FUN THINGS!!!
::MU-HAHAHAHAHAH:::

38

Yes....I am a colorful gal....
But I ain't afraid of nothin'. Not even 5-year olds. Wanna know how many I can take?
22

Ha! And I aint' afraid of no zombies neither...

73%

Oh yeah, bring it on, zombie-boy. I will eat you alive -- or I guess that's dead....Don't believe me? Take a look at this, Maggothead:


37%

ummm....I suppose this means that some of you will think twice the next time I invite you over for a barbeque....
But don't go thinking about banishing me, or sending me someplace-out-of-the-way, like the Moon....

because -

72%

....Fly me to the moon....

2008 Mission to Mexico

Here's the "short" version video I made about my trip to Mexico.

Tagged by Solitaire

I was tagged by the ever-sexy Solitaire with the number 5. Now, I have done this and other very similar things before, but did not want to let Sol down...besides....it is a new purse and all...




5 things found in your bag:
A. condom. But it’s not mine, really! Solitaire gave it to me. And it doesn’t have an expiration date on it, so it's probably not okay to use it. Not that I get much opportunity...
B. banana. Well, maybe I could practice with item A.
C. Starbucks coffee bean sampler. But I broke my grinder (don’t ask), so I guess I’ll be chewing these…
D. a new package of batteries. None-a-yer-bizness.
E. Certificate of Completion. I can’t tell you what it’s for, except that it has nothing to do with A, B, or C. Hmmm…..maybe it has something to do with D!!!!!!

5 favorite things in your room:
A. My Queen-size bed. I love my bed!!!! You wanna come check it out?
B. My window. From my bed, I can see my horses in the mornings, and the stars at night.
C. The color of my walls: a soft green. Voldemort was a white-wall kind of guy. ‘nuff said.
D. A stack of books to read
E. Ummm…..it’s one of three things in my nightstand drawer.

5 things you have always wanted to do:
A. Have someone fall in love with me at first sight.
B. Ride in the space shuttle
C. Be in Times Square on New Years Eve
D. Travel to London
E. My show (okay, yes, I know I’ve done this. But I want to do it again – and better!)

5 things you are currently into:
A. Brutal self-reflection (all will be fine in the end. this I know)
B. Cheez-it Crackers. I don’t know why, but I’ve been craving these constantly!
C. Battlestar Gallactica. No, not the 70’s version – the new one on the Sci-Fi channel. This is the final season – and it is so fraking good. I wanna be Starbuck.
D. Um…..it’s one of the three things in my nightstand drawer.
E. Procrastination. I’m planning on giving this one up. Maybe tomorrow.


5 people you’d like to tag:
A. Brad Pitt
B. George Clooney
C. Ti
Oh….not that kind of tag? ….nevermind…..

Carly Simon Ev'ry Time We Say Goodbye

So....Marcel had me listening to a Cole Porter compilation the other day. No, this wasn't one of the artists, but damn! This woman can sing it , eh?

Wawona Middle School 50th Anniversary

I was asked to put together a video for my schools 50th anniversary. Yes, you're right, you won't know anyone but me (at 2:56, 3:08, 3:26, 3:41 and 3:49), but ain't knowing me the bomb!?!?

Deep.....dark......chocolate....

So.....Lime blogged about chocolate....and the Zodiac.... two of my favorite things -- put together! According to Chocolate Lime, I am an M&M. Now, Molly, (otherwise known as the voice in my head) had her own opinions on the advice. I've included her ran --err opinions in blue.

M&Ms (October 31-November23) You are a party animal. You're a bit frenetic at times, and, well "frenetic" sounds so much better than spastic, eh? Everyone notices you, but in a good way - not in that "omigawd, she's naked" bad dream kind of way. You bring a smile to everyone with your antics and enliven staid situations, usually with your disaster dates or your triumphant shopping trips. You don't have a lot of patience for the dark brooding types so stay away from Truffles, or you might find yourself unable to keep from yelling at them, Poe and Plath, Poe and Plath!" You'll get along with Chips who may help calm you down when you are too over the top, but then again, what's so good about peace, love, understanding, and calm? Let's go find you a real mate. So, Jayne, what kind of chocolate do you fancy?

Jayne: Well, I've always been fond of chocolate ice crea--

Jayne, even though Chocolate Ice Cream (January 19-February 16) is refreshing to be around, they require rather specific conditions to perform well. Conditions!?!? Does that mean like everything has to be THEIR way or NO WAY!?!? Chocolate Ice Cream can alternate between being a real drip and being downright frigid if not provided the right environment but those who treat Chocolate Ice Cream right are rewarded with real pleasure. Jayne, even though you are a tasty addition to this delightful dessert, I don't see it lasting.....for God's sake, he'll be a puddle of goo at your feet....or somewhere else.... NEXT!

Well....the candy bar and the nibs look kinda boring
Yup, and the ganache is a fricking, moody snob "POE AND PLATH!"
Molly
Sorry -- hey! how about chocolate cake!
Oh! I like chocolate cake

Well Chocolate Cake (May-16-June 21), like Ice Cream is popular and folks enjoy being around him. Sweetie, that means you might have to share the spotlight with him... He's more adaptable though and can navigate great formality or basic simplicity with ease. Hmpfh! He hasn't seen you in action! Chocolate Cake is a peacemaker who can even keep Ganache and Mousse together harmoniously. What is this with all the Ganache, Truffle and Mousse talk!?!? "POE and PLATH, for cryingoutfrickingloud! Stick your head in an ov-

Molly-
Sorry --
What's next?
Well, if we skip the truffles and the mousse
Yes, please,
and forget about Hot Chocolate - Good God, can you imagine the mess?
But don't I melt in your mouth not in your hand?
Hey! There's an idea -- something similar, but different. How about chips?
Chips?

Well, even though Chocolate Chips (August 12-September 17) wishes he had the strength to stand on his own but generally need the support of others, he makes up for this slight woosiness because his presence is often what strengthens those he is with. He adds a special sweetness to every setting he is in and makes people smile even when he is melting from the heat of the situation. That sounds hot!
No it doesn't.....it sounds like a gooey mess! Worse then the ice cream!! At least gooey ice cream can be licked off - Molly?

Sorry -- I went to the store --

Maybe I should just find another bag of M&M's.....peanuts, anyone?

The New/Improved "You Wanna Date APj?" Survey

::sigh::
My friends and co-workers are now sending me dating advice. Usually I ignore it....but this one was wonderful! I think I will add this to my new dating profile:

of course -- it is difficult for me to not put in my two cents -- so my bit is in purple.

Five tips for a woman.....
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
a. This means that dishes go in the dishwasher, dirty clothes go in the hamper, and the toilet seat is down.
b. I am pretty open-minded about your "Job." I know that I'm not usually attracted to the 9-5 kind of guy. But seriously? You need to do "something."

2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
a. And that's "laugh" in a good way. Not in a "omigawdhereallydoesn'tthinkI'mgoingtobelievethatstory" way.

3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
a. You lie -- you die. Okay, maybe not in that 6-feet-under-die kind of way....but definitely it will be the death of "us."

4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
a. Both love and spoil can be done on limited funds and without ever having to get dressed....


5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.

Somebody To Love - Queen Live At The Bowl

FYI: 47 year-old divorcee looking for Mr. Right does not seem to be working. Seriously, no normal/quasi-normal guy between the ages of 30-55! Please note the age range. For some reason, the under-30 and over 60 bracket often inquire...My response: "Sorry, I don't do diapers.

Hmmmmm...perhaps I should use this song as my dating profile....

My Morning

I am not a morning person....but oh, how I love the mornings! If I can kick my butt outta da bed, and get moving, it really is a lovely part of the day. I went out yesterday morning and greeted the birds, and watched the sun come up.
First, I had to check on the snail trap (beer in a lid). It doesn't hurt the wildlife (as long as you don't consider drunk kitties and coyotes injured), but it looks kinda gross. "Hmm.....and people wanna eat these things?"
::sigh:: only the French could come up with that. Or Fear Factor! I wonder if they're French?
--I step up on the rock to look in the Pampas grass for snails (wow, look at the cow, I mean that calf. well-developed, eh?) No snails! I walk around the other side, and STILL NO SNAILS!!! (hmmm....but part of this bed is bare -- I need to put something there).

That, by the way, sounds like good advice: if you have a bare bed, put something there.










I continue around the yard, seeing which sprinklers need fixing, deciding the sprinklers really need to be on now (instead of off while I drag ass about fixing them) or the yard will never green up.










Wow! Can you see that? Look at the sunrise. Too far? Here......let me get closer for you....
















::sigh:: I really do love the mornings.....

Person of the Week

Sarah had this lovely idea to blog about a person who has had an impact (positive or negative) on your life. “What a lovely idea!” I thought, “I think I’ll do that.” And I promptly got busy/preoccupied/distracted.

But really…what a lovely idea. I’m thinking this could be a good exercise for me. I am going to try to do this weekly, although I don’t know if I’ll be doing it on a certain day (my whole “rules-schmules” mentality).

So without further ado….here is my first POW:

Chronologically, I haven’t known him long, but it feels like I’ve known him my whole life.
All ya’ll know me – you know how high up I’ve built the walls around me. It is safer that way – yes, yes, lonely, but safe is still good for me. I only let people in...just...so...far....

– or so I like to think. But this person is somehow able to see into my very core– and pluck pieces out. He takes my painful memories and experiences and turns them into things of beauty.

“Who, Jayne, who?” I hear you scream, “who can this be?”

Who else?

You all know how charming this badboy is – and what a talented singer/songwriter he is. I’ve shared the story of Savior of the Skies, a song written (ostensibly) about skydiving.

Howe ver, when I listen to it I find myself saying, “Wait up. Hold on, how did he know that?”

And now this one arrived in the mail last week. Kien said he was inspired by my goodbye to Rio. I have to share it with you, because it, like kien, touches to the very soul:

"The Days of Flying"

So hard to say goodbye
This is the end of a million years gone by
In the morning rays we spend
One last time like it will never end

I don't want to let you down
But you know I won't be around
I give you my love
I give you my love

In this field forever
You I will remember
Eternally
Yes, I see you're crying
But there were days of flying
Will always be

I don't want to let you down But you know I won't be around I give you my love You have my love always

Troubadour...thanks for letting me share this song.

Coldplay - Can't Get You Out Of My Head - Glastonbury 2005

I'm a bit distracted lately....

This Week's Love Horoscope

Dr. Horoscope? Are you there? What's the forecast for a Scorpio this week?

Well, APj, it seems that powerful feelings will produce an tense emotional atmosphere this week.

I've had enough of tense, thankyouverymuch. and emotional, for that matter. How 'bout we just give Jaynee some atmosphere this week?

Yes, yes, the urge for change excites some people but can make others feel insecure.

Okay, you lost me a bit with "urge," "change," and "excites." I kinda went-to-the-store-

Geez, I wish you'd stop interrupting. It is a very bad habit-

Sorry-

There you go again! Sometimes your behavior tends to be.....extreme. This...impulsiveness....can lead to a sudden love affair or an unexpected battle.

Wait a fricking second -- I know, I know - "I'm interrupting." But, seriously: you're giving me a choice between an affair or a battle? WTF!?!?!? I mean, how does that play out: "Hi, my name is Jayne. Take me to the store, or die."

-Jaynee, whether you're attracted to or repulsed by someone, the intensity is unlikely to last.

So whichever it is, it fizzles....that sorta sucks....

You could be in the mood to experiment later this week.

Now you're talking!

-as vivacious Venus is heating up your 5th House of Romance while Mars, your passionate ruling planet, is pushing against the Sun.

::sigh:: vivacious. heating up. passionate. pushing. Yup.....you guessed it: APj is running down the aisles of the store!

There are no halfway measures now, Scorpie. Your powerful emotions can take you to the limit and beyond.

To Infinity and Beyond!

No, wait....I think that one's taken already.

Okay all -- I'm ready. Love or Battle, bring it on.

I'm Back!

Amazing....the difference between how we perceive ourselves, and how the almighty BlogQuiz sees us...

My superpower is "cuddles!?!?!?" WTF!?!?!?!?
I am so done with using my power for good.....

So Hard to Say Goodbye

**Warning: Tearjerk Alert**I remember the day 18 years ago when he came to live with me: so tall, proud, and terrified. "What an oxymoron," I thought, "just like me: he only looks brave on the outside." The first time I rode him off the property he got frightened by: the mailbox, a for sale sign, a field pump, a bunny rabbit, and a shirt hanging on a clothes line. When a flock of birds flew out of a bush as we made it back to the house, he'd had enough. He stopped, looked over his shoulder at me, and begged me to carry him home.
Impossible, not only because of his weight, but his height. He was 16-3. That's 16+hands -- so tall that getting up on him was not always the easiest.
And smart: I only ever had to show him something once. He never forgot it: side pass, open the gate, back or change speed on a voice cue. Smart, but stubborn too. He refused to take a right lead - no matter how hard I tried to make him. Personally, I think he thought he was Secretariat (who also refused to take the right lead). Damn race horses!

Yes, Rio was originally a racehorse. He did well enough his first year, that he raced for another year and a half. I've shared the story of my pounding victory over Voldemort, but Rio loved to run just for the sheer pleasure of it. Many a leisurely stroll through the grapes culminated in us streaking through a just plowed field: him, reliving some past victory, and me, just trying to keep the tears from forming in my eyes as we flew across the ground.

Each year became harder and harder on my friend. I stopped riding him about three years ago -- he just was too thin, and his legs bothered him too much. But we still walked: he would follow me around the property, help me when I gardened, etc. Friends and neighbors gawked, smiled, and laughed at the sight of this tall old man following me around like a puppy. A 1200 pound puppy.

During the Rogue, Rio suffered a minor stroke. He had difficulty moving, and lost interest in eating. Daily and hourly I agonized over what I should do -- finally leaving the decision to my vet -- who has cared for Rio the entire 18 years I've had him.

Yesterday morning, Rio and I shared our last breakfast together: an apple. I sat in the field with my old friend, stroking his face, smelling his neck, and nuzzling his ears. I thanked him for his friendship, his love, and his ability to make me feel as if I were flying. And then the vet came, and I kissed him (one last time), and said goodbye.

Sorry to leave you with such a sad one - but it needed to be written. Yes, I know I did the right thing, and I know he's in a better place. But I'm still sad. Thanks lecram, kien and katie for all your love.
I leave in the morning for my annual trip to Mexico to build a house. It is good for me to get away. I promise to write something more upbeat upon my return

My ROGUISH 55!

Peeking through the stage door, I’m surprised by 101 peering eyes

Waiting for me. “Whose bloody idea was this!?!?!?” I seethe. Breathing deep (and putting on my big-girl-pants) I step onstage. “Did ya’ll really come to hear me talk about sex?” I challenge, "or do ya’ simply wanna go to the store with Airplane Jayne?”

I have two words for you. And no, they aren't, "You Suck."
although I have been know--
but wait, this is not about that -- this is about my Rogue Show. My two words are, "Sold Out." And not "sold out" in that caved in to the material world way - I mean "sold out" as in "holy-shit-what-the-hell-are-all-those-people-doing-out-there" kinda way.
So my sold-out-wednesday show led to me getting this:

Holy shit...
But seriously, I am having a blast (even if I'm a wreck for twenty minutes before I go on stage). I'm getting some nice press also:

Mia Paschal (one of the most talented performers I have seen): This funny and moving work boasts subtly solid writing, and a very strong performance.

Solitaire: the connection she made with the audience during her performance allowed everyone to root for her and be on her side, and when she talks about the divorce papers my heart broke

Eric (yes, yes, it's long...but theres' some good stuff there!): you want to just hold her so the lights don’t sting her eyes, realizing that she’s priceless
-and she’s only three feet away.

Steve: Out Standing! I was amazed her first excursion into writing and solo performance. WEll written, confidently performed and wonderfully entertaining!

**Tune in here later to see what Steve wrote to Drew...You remember Drew, yes? From here.**

Dear Drew,
Well, it did go down and I mean down. I was shocked to see 20 people in the audience, then realized she took your advice and packed the house with PTS Iraq veterans......

....So it seems a group of recovering alcoholics wandered in and, hearing Jayne go on, just assumed it was an AA meeting.

...Anyway, Jayne attempted to explain it was NOT an AA meeting:

"Sir, this is not an AA meeting. And Iam not an alcoholic."
"Sure, Lady, that's what they all say. You're in denial."
"No, I'm in the Rogue."
"Call it what you want; it's still denial."
"No Sir! This is my show!"
"Yes, it is. But it's customary to let others speak at these meetings, you know."