My Dublin Interview

Lecram: here are your questions. Envision the interview taking place in a cozy Dublin pub.
1. What is the one thing in your life that you really wanted and never happened that you are now actually glad about
3. What are 2 things that "make your head spin" in a good and bad way?
2. If you were to pick the opposite qualities between 2 sitcom characters that represent you who and what would they be?
4. If an all knowing spirit in a tree offered to be your "spirit guide" in one area in your life... what would that be?
5. Guinness or whiskey?

I hear his sing-song brogue before I can see him –(gawd, I’m such a sucker for an accent)
“Oh Lassie, ya’ got dat farr away look, in yer eyes”

“Oisin, I keep telling you it’s Jayne…or Airplane Jayne….or even APj….but not Lassie, please. Makes me feel like barkin—

“Oh, darhlin’, - if ya’ feel like hurrlin’—“

“That’s barking, not barfing! Silly bucko….now…” patting my knee and winking at him, “come have a seat.” He sits close,“Ah, me Bonnie Lass,” he whispers, “what is the one thing in your life that you really wanted and never happened that you are now actually glad about?”

Taking a deep breath, and a swig of my Rosie Lee, I turn and look into those eyes (“Dear Sweet Jesus,” I say to myself, “His eyes are so blue I swear I could swim in them”). “Oisin, I know you don’t like to hear about Voldemort-”

“-that gobshite! I’d give him a toe up da hol-"

“Shhh” I gently place my finger on his lips, silencing his curse, “…..silly boy…..I was just going to say that, although I spent many years wanting that marriage to work, wanting it to succeed, it never happened. I only realize now that I’m happy….yes, and even glad I didn’t get it. Because……well, because I realize now that the only way it would have ever worked would have been for me to completely lose my very being, my very soul. I would have ceased to exist. As it was and is, I lost huge amounts of me….it is taking a long time for me to heal. A lot longer than I thought….” My eyes tear up, but I’m not sure whether it’s from the smoke-filled pub, or the gutwrenching confession.

“Cor! Damn that Fecky the Ninth!” declares Oisin as he pulls me up out of my chair. “I know tha’ wanker spun yer head in a bad way,” his coarse shaven face brushes my cheek, “But if ya’ let me take you home,” his lips nibble my neck and his hand wanders southward, “I’m sure a little Aussie kiss will spin back ‘round in a good way!”

With the red rising past my cheeks, “Come on little boy,” I slide my shaking hand between my arse and Oisin’s hand, “I could use some fresh air and a stroll.” “And then,” firmly leading him towards the exit, “we’ll talk about what makes my head spin.” The damp, cold, Dublin air hits us dead-on as we leave the warm, but smoke-filled Horseshoe Bar. We walk in silence for half a block when he quietly says,

“Yes, I kno"

"Know what?" I ask.

“Kno' da’ answer…” Oisin pulls me closer, “da' answer....is...yes.” And his arm drops and drapes casually, but protectively around my shoulders.

I whirl out in front of him, “that’s what makes my head spin!” I squeal. His alarmed eyebrows make me continue quickly (before he bolts away), “but spin in a good way. I love when someone can get into my head, and know what…or how…..or even why I’m saying/feeling/doing things…..sometimes things I’m not even sure of. Makes me feel like the earth is off it’s axis”

Oisin pulls me back in towards him, wrapping me tightly, “and…” he continues, staring intently into my eyes, “wot makes it spin…in a bad way?”

My eyes cloud over, “jealousy,” I reply, “my jealousy……like…..like when the green genie strikes me! Then….well, then…I also feel….like….like the earth is spinning and I’m trying to hold on! I hate that the root of the same emotion, my attraction or feelings can lead to my head spinning out of control in either a good or bad way.”

Feeling excruciatingly vulnerable, I toss out, “Guess that means I’m crazy, right? I mean, how can you do or be such polar opposites? I mean, it’s kinda like being Phoebe and Monica all rolled into one!” “Hu-huh?” Oisin stammers.

“You know,” I gush, happy to be off of the head-spinning topic and onto neutral, T.V. sitcom territory, “from the sitcom Friends. I’m kinda like Monica, in that I love everything to be neat and orderly. Dressed proper and acting properly. But….” I glance slyly over my shoulder, “ I love to…..run freeeee like Phoebe!!!!”

And with that, I charge forth, arms flailing freely and wildly.

The Dublin air is crisp as I run through St. Stephen’s Green. Shrieking and laughing, I duck beneath hanging tree branches and slid on damp leaves, but I hear Oisin’s footsteps gaining, coming ever closer. Vacillating between speeding up or slowing down, my decision is made by what stands before me.
“What is that?” I gasp.
“Ahh…,” Oisin answers from behind me, “me ma’ tol’ me ‘bout tha’ tree. She said tha’ if you give it a gift, it will guide you.”
Pulling the scarf from my neck, I drape it on the tree’s proffered branch. “Gracious Tree spirit,” I entreat, “Please guide me.” Self-consciously I drop my voice to a whisper, “Gracious, gracious Lady of the Tree: I am too fearful in love. I am fearful to make a bad choice again, and so I stand frozen, making no choice at all. Which is still a choice, albeit a poor one. Kind, gracious and loving Lady of the tree, give wings to my feet of clay. Give sound to my tongue of sand.”

“Jayne”

“Oisin…”

“Jayne….are you done?”

“Darling,” I say, patting the tree bark as I turn, “I’m just getting started.”

“Wot ya’ mean?” he stammers, as I place myself in the crook of his arm.

“Oisin…..do you have any Jameson at your place?”

Bored and looking for the Meaning of APj....

You Are a Candy Heart

You're definitely a pro when it comes to romance - and you have great dating etiquette. etiquette-schmetiquette. How can I have great dating anything, when I ain't dating!?!?!? Plus you probably smell and taste pretty darn good. Yup, I do smell good......although I haven't tasted myself lately.....

Are You a Candy Heart or a Candy Fart?

You Are Pretty Happy Being Single

You have a full, fun life. True. And you definitely don't need love to be content. Again....true. Of course, being single can get you down a little. kicking the horse a bit, aren't we? Especially when you've been single for a while. horse is dead, ain't it? But you know how to be patient and wait for the right person. 'course, Mr. Right Now is starting to look cuter.... You're life is too good to settle for anything! fine! fine! You're right! There! Feel better? I won't settle.....again.

AreYou Happy Being Single?

You Are Fun Sexy

You're funny, quirky, cute, and sassy. Yes... my mother always said I had a shining disposition......I think the above is the modern version of that. Guys always have a great time with you, and that alone is sexy. They always say they have a great time....and then they shake my hand.... Gawd! How is it I'm always Maryann and not Ginger!?!?!? You've got an upbeat, optimistic spirit that totally shines through. ....again, sparkling disposition.... Any guy would be crazy to turn you down! hmmmm...maybe THAT'S the problem: I'm only attracted to the nutcases!!!!

What Kind of Sexy Girl Are You?

You Would Do Most Things For Love

You are willing to go pretty far for love I would do any-thing for love... - but not far enough to compromise your core values. but I won't do that (and, Mr. Meatloaf, just exactly what was it you weren't willing to do?) Love is a priority for you, and you'll go further than most people to hold on to someone you love. rope? check. superglue? check. handcuffs? check. blindfold? check. But killing for love? Or even taking a bullet? Probably out of the question. Nope.....Hey, I don't need to do the dirty work. I know someone who relishes that sport. and probably would put relish on the end product!!! No matter what, you love yourself the most! hmmm....channeling the Divinyls: I touch myself....

Would You Do Anything For Love?

Your True Love Will Find You Eventually

You definitely put yourself out there a little - but you could be doing more. oh sure! Everyone's a critic! If you're truly looking for love, try doing more things and meeting more people. But I'm tired! Can't I just sit in a chair at Starline Grill and have them trapse in? You don't have to actively look for love, you just need to stay active. ::Looking for love in all the wrong places:: Be out there a little more, and the right person will find you! paging Mr. Right! paging Mr. Right Now! paging Mr. Close Enough For Government Work!

Will Your True Love Find You?

My Most Un-Christian Moment...

Uh-huh -- made ya' look, eh? Yup, Steph probably gave himself whiplash, Lecram sprayed scotch, Kowboi fell off, and kien dropped his guitar...

Steady boys, steady.

During a friendly game of Truth-or-Dare in Mexico --

uh-huh, I said Truth-or-Dare -- see why the young-uns luv me?

I picked truth. I picked truth, 'cause the dares (so far) had consisted of singing from the outhouse, using someone else's toothbrush, eating 16 marshmallows, and witnessing to strangers from other campsites....

Yeah, I picked truth (big deal. like you didn't already know I was a big woosie, eh?)

"Teacher Jayne -- tell us about your most un-Christian moment."

Well....it is a church group....and a youth group at that, so I tried to think of something "lessoney." You know -- something that taught by example. In light of that, I shared about moving out to California at nineteen, and alienating myself from my mom for a year.

"Geez, Teacher Jayne," lamented one of the other adults, "I was expecting something better from you...."

::Jayne wipes hands on concrete/dirt/mexico-stained jeans:: "Okay....okay -- here ya go:"

I remember seeing the ground rush towards me, and thinking, "Dang! This is gonna hurt like a fothermucker!" I tried to get my body straight -- straight as I could, and stiffened for the impact.

Witnesses say I bounced three times. I vividly remember the first hit, and maybe the second. But then I just remember sitting up, and pulling my parachute under my bum, so I wouldn't get dragged away.

Brain: move left arm
::left arm moves:
Brain: good! move right arm

::right arm moves::
Brain: great! move left leg

::left leg moves::

Brain: awesome! move right leg

::nada ::

Brain: aw, hell! Right leg! Move!
::nada::

Brain: Must be my knee..

About this time, I found myself surrounded by all my skydivin' buddies.

"APj!" inquired Andy (an EMT), "Are you okay? Where do you hurt?"

"Andy, I'm okay -- but I think I blew out my knee. I can't move my leg"

Andy picks up my right leg......

and that's when my femur hit the skin -- and I....I began speaking in tongues!

"Sonofafuckingtruckingdrivingbastardcheatingbitchlickingshiteatingmotherfucker!" I screamed. (Hey....my mother always said if you're gonna do it, at least make it effective....)

Andy carefully laid my leg down, and when to get supplies other than bandaids....

I, never being one to know when to stop, proceeded with my verbal diatribe, "AsswipingmotherbitchbastardsonofaDONUTFUCKERgawd--"

Somewhere in the middle of this verbal assault, the group that we shared the dropzone with came up to me. Uhhh... the Christian Skydiving Team.......who were already flinching at the hellaciousness spewing forth from my lips. (I'm sure I saw one visibly shaking, and another making the sign of the cross)

"Jayne.....Jayne.....we just want you to know.....that we're praying for you."

"Praying!?!?!?!?" I retorted, "PRAYING.....for ME!?!?!?!?!?"

::here it comes.....Teacher Jayne's most Un-Christian Moment......::

"DONTCHA THINK THE FUCKING TIME FOR FUCKING PRAYER WAS, LIKE FUCKING TEN FUCKING MINUTES AGO!?!?!?!? THANKS A-FUCKING LOT!!!!"

::hangs head in shame::

Amen

Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever!!!

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man Spiderman? White stuff spitting from wrists!?!? Hmpf....maybe Spidergirl.... 75% Green Lantern 75% Supergirl Now this is more like it! Likes to fly? check. Emotionally retarded? check. Attracted to bad boys? check. Yup. I think this is the REAL sUPERHERO me... 72% Superman 60% Wonder Woman Ahh....I already was WonderWoman....in college....didn't get no lasso, didn't get no invisifricking plane either. Only got a severed artery in my foot. Nope -- don't wanna be her again... 57% The Flash flashing? good. but I think I'm a bit too old for it now... 50% Iron Man ironman? Whothefrick is Ironman!?!?!? I think this one is made up....Unless it's that song: "I AM IRON MAN" 50% Robin 45% Catwoman darn. just darn. I wish I could be this good at being that bad....and in leather, no less...Hot chicka! 45% Batman 40% Hulk thank god! I mean - some people might tell you that I turn green and superstrong in a fight -- but hey....who ya' gonna believe? Me, right!?!?!? 40%

You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.

2007 Mission to Mexico

Just thought I'd share a few of my pics from Mexico trip. 4 adults and 10 teenagers built this house in 3 work days.
We are so lucky to live in this country - broken as it is.

Firefly - Hero Of Canton

But this is my fave character: Jayne. No, no, not just because he and I share a name. I mean, yes, that's kinda cool, in a narcissitic way.....but I love the whole "accidental hero" and "morally confused" stuff..

plus...he's hot.

Serenity

Your results:
You are Derrial Book (Shepherd)

Derrial Book (Shepherd) 85% Dr. Simon Tam (Ship Medic) 65% Malcolm Reynolds (Captain) 60% Wash (Ship Pilot) 60% Jayne Cobb (Mercenary) 55% Zoe Washburne (Second-in-command) 50% Kaylee Frye (Ship Mechanic) 50% Inara Serra (Companion) 45% River (Stowaway) 45% Alliance 45% A Reaver (Cannibal) 15% Well, I GUESS if I've got to be one of them, he's a good one: kinda mysterious, good with a gun, but, geez-louise! a priest!?!?!?!?!? Oops!!! Some of you may not be familiar with this Whedon series (same guy who did TV Buffy series). Fanfrickintastic show - Firefly -- and followup movie: Serenity. Here's a link to the quiz http://www.seabreezecomputers.com/serenity/ and...for the geeks among you: http://www.serenitymovie.com/

Even though you are holy you have a mysterious past.

Another goofy quiz evening.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. I, being a horse-0wner know the purpose of a bridle: a bridle is used to guide and gently suggest (and...not so gently for the more stubborn mount) a better course of action or direction. So.....translated into human-speak: I wanna man who doesn't like to be told where to go (and doesn't need a map), doesn't have footprints on his backside, and isn't tied down. Duh. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. Huh? Sorry....I was still at the store from talking about mounts and maps.... But yes, it's true: Creativity and non-boredom are good -- especially when dealing with my A.D.D. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. I am optifrickingmistic! And happy!?!?!? I'll show you happy... Hey....what a minute. You said "my lover." where is he!?!?!? How come I didn't know about him? What's he look like? You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Not true. I seem to be drawn to emotional moody wrecks that are never happy. err....not that I'm complaining. :) Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Yes -- it's true. I'm not interested in fleeting. I'm not interested in lukewarm. And, yes, I am really not interested in Mr. Right Now. Unfortunately, I don't know as to whether or not Mr. Forever exists.... ::sigh:: Ahh.....the perils and travails of the Romantic Cynic.... Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. Cheating is a definite buzz-killer. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. Yup. Despite what I say, and my own experiences, I still believe in marriage. And little baby ducks, old pickup trucks. and love. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. Or when both are committed. Err....in a relationship way -- not the institutional way....

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Life Path Number is 5 What the heck is a life path number!?!?!?!

Your purpose in life is to life freely and collect experiences. Life free!??!? Perhaps they mean live free? Collect experiences!?!?!? WTF!?!?!? "Hello. I'm Jayne. Have you any experiences you'd like to give me? I'm life freely.... You love life - new adventures, new people, new ideas. Yes....I love anything new. "I wanna new drug. One that won't make sick...." You are very curious, and you crave novelty in all forms. So....totally off the subject.....but I'm curious: why do they call ice cream treats "novelties" Geez....I'd sure like a bomb-pop right now.... You tend to make friends easily, and you enjoy the company of all types of people. I have many different types of friends from the many different circles of my life. One of the interesting things I noticed is that, regardless of the circle, I am always the strange one! In my "artsy" circle, I'm the normal one. In the "normal" circle, I'm the artsy one.... In love, you are fun and even a bit intoxicating. But you won't stick around for long. Obviously the "PATH" folks and the "KEY" folks don't meld together! Key says I'm looking for commitment and devotion. Unless...unless....perhaps it really DID mean committed the other way..... You are impulsive and spontaneous - which sometimes leads you to do things you regret. I am spontaneous -- but only when I know I have the time for it...... No regrets. Oh yeah, I do occasionally wish I'd done something(s) differently....but....no regrets. Sometimes you can be overindulgent with food, sex, or drugs. what about rock and roll!?!?!? Don't they all go together? You have many talents, so many that you are often scattered and unfocused. Wrong -- I am so focused.....unless, of course, I don't have my contacts in..... hey! how 'bout that bomb-pop?

What Is Your Life Path Number?

thanks to Joy for getting me going on this one.....

Adios amigos! Yo trabajo en Mexico.

(I think that's "Goodbye friends! I work in Mexico." or close enough!)

Cowboy UP!!!!

SPRING BREAK!!!!!

I, and 13 of my closest friends leave for Mexico in the morning...

::girls gone wild::

::upside-down tequila shots::

::underage boys and girls::

No....not that kind of Spring Break, except for the last one. I am chaperoning my youth group on a trip to Mexico to build a house.

Yes, I've done this before.

No, I've never been arrested.

Yes, I will post pictures when I get back...

But I thought I would leave you with a joke.....

The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy (err...or is that kowboi?) coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"

The Cowboy says, "Well, it's like this, Sheriff ... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head tells me, "Come on out ta mah mowtah home."

So I did.

We go inside the motorhome....and she pulls off her top!

She looked at me with them blue eyes, and said, "Now, Ah whant ya'll ta' take off yah shirt."

so I did.

Sheriff....then she pulls off her skirt! I swear!!! And, and, she sat on the edge of the bed....and looked at me with them there pouty lips and said, "Ah whant yah to pull them trousers off..."

So I did.

Lordy, lordy, then she pulls off her undies, lies back on the bed and and whispered, "Now darlin'.....take off YOUR drawers..."

So I did.

Then....she lifted her head off the pillow.....looks me straight in the eye.....looks to the ceilingg...looks me in the eye.....and yells, "Now go to town, Cowboy!"

.And here I am....

Son of a Gun….

Blonde Men do exist!!

See ya'll when Ah return!!

Josh Verdes- Original-

...stumbled upon this song while perusing youtube.
Home is such an important part of me: I'm lucky to have two: my little slice-of-heaven-ranchette, and Nebraska - where my folks are. As long as I have threads back to those places, I feel free enough to fly.

so if you're feeling homesick, borrow this song. and if you're still ill...well, in the words of Mr. Wizard,
"razzle dazzle dazzle dome, time for this one to come home"

I Am From...

Okay....everyone has done this... but I have stolen it from Lime and Cosima. Of course, I made a few changes....cause, after all, "rules-schmules." But I'm happy with the end result -- I think it's a good reflection of me.

I am from salt, ordinary and plain.
Like Morton’s girl, always prepared for rain,
From laughing, sunny Kool-aid days
To tragi-comedic Shakespearean plays.

But I’m from simple salt, ordinary and plain.

I am from the Midwest,
Common-sense stained,
From Cornfields wind-dancing
Seeming classically trained.

Ah…I am from seasoned salt, ordinary and plain.

I am from Sunflowers, seeds and all,
Ever striving….ever tall.
And iris and crocus
Fighting winter’s chill to be
The new Spring focus.

Yet still, I am from salt, ordinary and plain.

I am from peeking at packages
(And feigning surprise),
spiders in boxes
from (clever foxes) Dad, Mom and John
for me, Lady Jayne.

Hah! Challenge me not!
for although I am salt, ordinary and plain

I am also from fists that fly to defend, and hands that hold and heal hurt.
From “a thousand times no” songs to
“I can’t let you go…..but I will.”

I am tear-stained salt, ordinary and plain.

I am from a Man who died on a cross for me, and a God who will always run to pick me up when I fall.

Embarrassed, yet (somehow) proud, to be from salt, ordinary and plain.

I am from Oz and Kansas, and every Military base between
From fruit loops, air sandwiches, and chocolate ice cream.

Yes, even though salt I am, ordinary and plain

I am from stock that is truly unique. From my brother who rose above addiction and shame and whose song makes the angels weep. From my sister whose love took us halfway around the world to bring my niece home to sleep.

I am salt, perhaps not so ordinary and plain.

How could I be?

When I am Airplane Jayne?

Tommy Emmanuel - Somewhere Over the Rainbow

If happy, little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why, can’t I?

I love this movie. I always have. I remember discovering the whole “Technicolor” thing
--hey, MY mom refused “to buy a color TV until the old one breaks” - so we didn’t get one til I was in high school!

-technicolor thing, and having to go to the neighbors to watch it each year. I remember “discovering” that the Hunk, Zeke and Hickory were also the Scarecrow, Lion, and Tin Man…..and not wanting to share that secret.

Ah….to have such friends! Zeke goes rushing into the pigpen to save Dorothy. The Scarecrow devises a plan to save Dorothy, even when his personal safety is in jeopardy.
Witch: How about a little game of catch, Scarecrow?

And I love when the Wizard
--who really is no Wizard at all. In fact --
Dorothy: You’re a bad man.
Wizard: No, I’m just not a good Wizard.
--but I love when the Wizard tells the Tin Man,
“A man is not judged by how much he loves, but by how much he is loved.”
Makes me cry to this day.

But above all, I love Dorothy. And how much family and home means to her. Home and family are so important, that she is willing to leave Technicolor OZ for Sepia Kansas. Home is not about appearances; it is about love.

Oh….and did I tell you? I was born…..in Kansas…..

::click, click, click::
There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.

Me-me-me-me!

Okay.....I got this from Solitaire.

Write exactly whats in your head and don't change it..

1. My 'ex' is still.... a loser. With a name like "Voldemort" what do you expect?

2. I am listening to.... God….or at least I’m TRYING to….if these damn voices in my head would settle down.
3. Maybe I should....try harder? take a different train? try blue eye shadow? I don't know, you decide. I'm tired of the "woulda-coulda-shoulda."

4. I love....::little baby ducks, old pickup trucks...::

5. My best friend(s)... is threatening to become homicidal. Omigawd!

6. I don't understand.....so many things. But I often tell myself that I don't have to UNDERSTAND, I just have to ACCEPT and go with it.

7. I've lost my respect for..... hmmm....I think we'll leave this blank for now. Seriously...

8. I last ate...... when I was hungry.

9. The meaning of my display name is.... because I grew tired of being plain Jayne, flung my body from the sky, and was dubbed air-plane-jayne.

10. Love is....blind...NOT! Geez, wouldn't it be great if it was? Blind I mean?

11. Someday....I will find my ship and prince. Because OBVIOUSLY they are both lost. or confused. or blind. Geez, why can't men just ask for directions? Or for SOMEONE TO DRAW A MAP!!!!!
12. I will always.... persevere. Even when I say I won’t…I will.

13. Love seems to be.... fickle, fleeting, unreachable.

14. I never ever want to lose.... my perseverance.

15. My mobile phone is.... way different from everyone else’s. But I wanna new one. I NEED a new one.

16. When I woke up this morning.... ::you were on my m-i-i-n-d. You were on my mind! I got…

17. I get annoyed at/with.... artificial ______________. Insert your own noun: intelligence, friendship, sympathy, etc.

18. Parties….Rock! As long as there is dancing. ::Shake, shake, shake. Shake,shake,shake!::

19. My pets...are much loved, but can be a burden. not complaining, but two inside cats, a bird, three horses, and 4 homeless ferral cats can be a bit much.

20. Kisses....unless we’re talking about the chocolate kind, I don’t remember what they’re like.

How 'bout you?

Back in the Saddle....so to speak

Aw, come on APj, it’s… it’s just like falling off a bike…

Is that the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard? I mean, do you remember falling off a bike?!?!?! I mean, if you were riding a “cool” bike - a boy’s bike, regardless of your own gender and all – and you were standing up and pumping your way
--geez, just went to the store…

-anyhoo, you were pumping away, and your foot slipped, and
BAM! (Just like that cook on T.V.)

BAM!

...Ya’ KNOW ya’ just tried to put PEEING off as long as you could, cause you knew it was gonna burn the next time you peed.

“….just like falling off a bike….”

Who the frick came up with that saying anyway!?!?!?

I remember another time I fell off a bike:
I was twelve or thirteen (or so) and my best friend Trish (the dish) and I were riding around the neighborhood. I know I was at least twelve, cause I had my cool ten-speed. Well, almost cool. It was white. I wanted blue. So my Dad painted it blue. Only, then you couldn’t tell that it was a “NAMEBRAND” bike – it looked ‘GENERIC.” Which was only a little important….

-I digress. Sorry.

Trish and I were riding, and some boys were chasing us about. Actually, they were chasing Trish around. ‘cause she was Trish the Dish. Me? Way before the “Airplane Jayne” days – err…..I was “Jayne the pain.”

::sigh::
no wonder I grew up to fling my body from planes…..

--Apologies again. I’m so easily distracted these days.

So, we’re riding around, being chased by cute (as cute as 12 yr olds can be) boys, when one of the uglier ones (naturally) runs his bike into mine.

--let me see if I understand

Dating 101
Kindergarten – throw rocks to show interest
Middle school – run into with bike to show interest.
What should I be looking for now in my forties?
Someone to plow over me with their car!?!?!
(yes, yes, went to the store as soon as I said plowed over)

Back to me at 12yrs old:
I leaped from my bike. I’m trying to do so gracefully, so as to impress my ugly suitor. Alas, to no avail, as I land on my own back tire. –err, I mean my bike’s back tire, not my ass. I stand up, brush myself off, and casually look down at my left foot.

--which looks funny……there’s a space…..a rather large space…..next to my big toe…..

“Holy shit!”
“What Jayne?”
“Holy shit, Trish!”
“What?”
“Holy shit! My toe’s gone. My fucking toe is gone!”

Yes, damnit, I cussed. I do that when I’m
a. drunk (Drunk Jayne in her own front yard is fricking funny)
b. in pain. (Drunk Jayne usually feels very little pain)

So Trish …..Trish begins to dig in the gutters for my toe.

I mean – is that a true friend or what? She is digging through all the muck and gunk in the gutter for my toe. And the boys – the boys? Hell, if it was Trish the Dish’s toe they’d have been digging too, I’m sure. But for Jayne the pain – nope, they were adios, adieu, bye-bye.
I took a step towards the gutter, to lend a hand for my toe, and felt something squishy under my foot.

“uhhhh, Trish”
“Yeah?”
“Nevermind. I think I found my toe.”
“Where?”
“Under my foot.”
“Is it – allthewayoff?”

My four point inspection verified that said toe was still mostly attached, and so Trish pumped me (so not going to the store on that one – don’t swing that way) home, with me carefully and tenderly holding my foot.

Upon arrival, Mom shoos me to the car, off to the emergency ward, and, nine stitches later sums up the entire episode with these wise words:
“That’s why you should always wear shoes when you ride your bike.”

Hmpfh.
“just like falling off a bike.”

Yeah….right. All ya’ll can keep your fricking realistic and metaphoric bikes.

I’m not interested anymore. Walking suits me just fine.

But I ST-T-T-I-I-I-L-L-L luv ya....

You Are a Bright Star Soul

Like a shining star, you have no trouble being the center of attention. duh. I am the Sun. Orbit me please. In fact, you often feel a bit hurt when all eyes aren't on you Hmmm.....don't know if I agree about feeling hurt when people aren't looking at me. I mean.... I LIKE being the Star, but I don't mind letting other people be the Star.....as long as they give it back to me when they're done.... You need to be number one in everything, no matter how trivial You say "competitive" like it's a bad thing! You know what "second place" is? Huh? Do ya? Hmpfh! "second place" is nothing more than "First Loser" Nuff said. And it's this ego that both hurts your confidence and helps you acheive True. Confidence can be rattled, but I try to persevere. You're dramatic and a powerhouse of pure energyYou posess a divine quality or uniqueness that's hard to defineA natural performer, it's likely you'll become famous in some circles. Me!?!? Dramatic!?!? Pashaw.... But I like the whole divine quality. And famous? in circles? does that mean I'll be orbiting? Just learn not to take everyone's reaction to you so personally! Why the frick not?!?!?!? Oops...sorry...gotta work on that ego thing..... Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul and Prophet Soul Newborn? Prophet? Crap! That sounds like I either gotta rob the cradle or grave for compatiblity. And as I'm not particularly attracted to old farts....guess I'll have to break my "under 30" rule. Hmmm.....any volunteers or suggestions?

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Throat drama redeux

...feeling very deja vu....

Been sounding very Lauren Bacallish lately -- which, although it sounds quite sexy, feels like hell on the vocal chords. Kinda like irritating -
like sand.....or a rash......or squeaky voices.......or whiney voices......or the voices in my head......

According to Doc --seen this A.M. after a weekend of acid
-err, that's acid reflux, not the kind you drop...

and upchuck (yes, that kinda does drop)...

it appears that I probably have something on the chords again. "Many patients develop nodules and polyps on the scar tissue after a tumor is removed," assured the doctor this morning.

W.T.F.!?!?!?!

So, one prescription for acid (eliminator, not the other kind), an admonition to watch the spicy stuff, and a referral to my ENT doc (who is not available until May) and I was back in my classroom by 2nd period.

::Music, Maestro, please::

Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Oh tell me why?
I don't like Mon-days.
Tell me why?
I want to sho-o-o-ot......

:)

Moses, Moses, Moses

From APj's Daily Reflections

Exodus 3:1-4:17

Moses, Moses, Moses. When ya say his name, dontcha just picture Charleton Heston? – brave, silver hair blowing in the wind (God’s breath), unshirking, challenging Pharaoh to , “Let my people go!”

“What a man!” I say to myself, “I wanna be just like him!”

SURPRISE!!!!!
Just like Moses, I find myself suffering from a terrible case of buhwhadifs……

“buhwhadifs?” you ask, “that sounds serious. Surely he recovered”

Yes, it is serious – and please don’t call me Shirley.

So, take a stroll with me – and my man, Moses:

Moses, (on the lam from the law after having murdered a man) finds himself on a Mt. Horab with a burning bush. “Hmmm….." he mutters, "How is it that the bush is burning, but not burnt up?” and off he goes to discover that it ain’t no ordinary thing.

GOD IS IN THAT THAR BUSH!!!!!!
Moses, recognizing God by his speech, falls to his knees.

--so far, so good, eh?

Burning Bush, aka God, ever the consummate public speaker, tells Moses who he is and that He has seen the suffering of his people. “Go,” he orders Moses, “Get my people.”

::Race buzzer::

Announcer (off screen), “And we’re off!!! Holy Moses!! Look and listen to the budwhadifs coming from him!”

“Who am I to do this?”
“But what if they want to know Your name?”
“But what if they don’t believe me?”
“But I’m not a good speaker.”

Even as God (of course), answers and supplies all that is needed, Moses (as seen above), keeps coming up with another reason as to why he can’t do God’s will. Moses, obviously in utter despair, gives God my absolute fave line in the exchange:
“O Lord, please send someone else.”

If God really does look like George Burns (in my version), he has to have a huge bald spot on the side of his head! “Fine!” God curtly responds as he pulls the last of his hair out, “Aaron is coming. I will speak to you, you will speak to Aaron, and Aaron will speak to the people. All will be well…
--but don’t forget the staff…..just in case.

Dear God,
Sorry I’m full of the “butwhadifs.” I’ll try to listen and do what you tell me. Perhaps, though, you could send me an Aaron. I’m kinda more like Moses then I thought….
APj

I wanna count da Rogue

The Rogue festival kicks off tomorrow. This is my 2nd as Moneypenny, and the third I will attend. Rogue has been very, very, good to me. I just want to share my virgin Rogue experience:
Three years ago, I had comfortably retreated to a very cozy (but lonely) hermit-like existence. I had my VERY supportive friends that had known me "4-ever" and I didn't feel the need for expansion. My friends felt differently....

Superman Steve had come to perform his show, "Adventures of a Substitute Teacher" at the 2005 RogueFestival. I remember feeling nervous (but excited), exhilarated (but simlutaneously terrified) about being in such a bubbly, eclectic mix of performers. Steve did a five minute show at Arthop (he followed some skinny Asian strumming on a guitar singing La-la, LA-la La-la-la...). After being totally oblivious to interest from some blonde guy with a camera --

HIM: How long have you been together?
APJ: Oh, we're not a couple, we're just friends.
HIM: Oh, you just came down from San Francisco to see the shows?
APJ: No, I live here.
HIM: Cool! You're not a couple, and you live in Fresno! Where are you going next?

-- Steve decided drastic measures were necessary:
This was no longer "RogueFestival: opportunity for Steve to make money." No....this was "RogueFestival: The OC"
--No, not the T.V. show......."Operation Circulation."

I know, I know. I'm sextarded. what can I say.

We went to Veni's, where many performers had gathered. Steve said he was going to network (ever the media whore, that one), and that we wouldn't leave until I had talked to three people-- and that the scotch-drinking-chain-smoking-Rasputin-channeling-Master-Rogue didn't count because he talked to everyone...

::sigh::

I went and sat at a table, and started talking to a fiddle player. Unfortunately, his fiddle talked more than he did, and I was beginning to think that maybe I had forgotten the art of gab (Horrors! Me? Unable to chat people up?!?!). Steve thought the same from across the room, but thankfully, I was saved by two foreigners that joined my table. One was a tall lanky New Zealander, and the other, the skinny Asian troubadour(I remember thinking, "geez, he could sing/stare the pants off a lion tamer! Glad he's so much younger then me...."). And talk I did. Rasputin joined us, as did Steve. I don't remember the entire conversation, but I remember feeling less and less hermitish, and more and more like the APj of old.

Throughout the festival, Steve and Rasputin introduced me to other Rogues. such as SSM (who, by the way, refused to talk to me until closing night. what a snob! He says he was suffering from VenueManagerMadness. I hope that's not stillgoing around), Blake, Dr. O, and John B ('nother story about those two later!). Before I knew it, I found myself drawn into the Rogue, and even getting de-Rogued. Uh-huh, I was excited when I heard the term too, but breathe, dirty boys -- that's just a BBQ.

And here I am, two years later: Rockin' and Roguein'
Thank you Marcel, for being such an enigmatic and excellent RogueMaster. Even though you have passed on the helm, it is your baby. Be proud. And thank you for inviting me into this world.

Thanks to SSM, even though it took two years for me to get your phone number. whatevah, you're still a good dance partner, so I'll keep ya.

Dr. O and John B (my Rupert), you guys are great. You make me smile and laugh.

CindyLou (who has moved from Whoville) and Jade Ed, thanks for letting me in -- you were the toughest nuts to crack, but the crack was worth it.

Devon and Dana: you both are unsung heroes. Thanks for always encouraging me.

Jag - you no longer scare me. I'm glad.

Mustang -- oh, mustang. Thanks for thinking I'm a warrior. Really, I'm still a scared little girl playing dressup -- but don't tell anyone.

And troubadour --I'm blessed to have gotten to know you. I still think you could sing the pants off a lion tamer....

....And at the end of the day.....

(picture from Surf Camp)

Lent has begun. This year, I did not give up white flour (egads, that sucked) – I have decided to spend forty days in reflection. I am journaling daily, and doing much soul searching – trying to focus on areas in my life that I need to stitch, patch, exercise, etc. And listening for His voice. Often, I talk too much (surprise, surprise). Other times, I tend to inject my will over His will. Today’s reflection was, “Today, I will listen for your voice, and I will not harden my heart.”

Have you ever really thought about your heart? Tiny, vulnerable organ that you must have to live. No kidney – no death. Kidney missing? No problem, still alive. No brain, still alive. But heart stops? Dead. Dead, dead, dead.

Look where it’s located! – encased within a bone envelope. A skeleton frame, reminiscent of the briars around Sleeping Beauty’s tower, keeps it from being crushed or damaged.

And yet, look at the heart(felt) adjectives we use: heartless, cold-hearted, tender-hearted, and broken-hearted. And isn’t that how it feels? Broken.

But it’s not really broken, is it? Because, if it was,I’d be dead. And, if I’m not dead, it can’t be broken….

And so….at the end of the day……I’ve just got to step out. Be willing to be vulnerable, and trust that I will not be hurt.

Candy is Dandy

Okay......enough of the morose.....let's get back to the fun stuff.... Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss" okay....as far as titles go. And yes, I think we can refer to it as being "First Kiss" I mean....did ya READ the post before this!?!?!?

You're a true romantic --duh. ...although I've always referred to myself as a cynical romantic. who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship. --we'll just glide over the "i" word and move to relationship. Yes, please. Where does the line form? You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love. --yes....I do see the good in everyone (although I've not really been dating much).....but I don't really like relish --especially not stepping or, egads...falling in it. I mean, yuck - I can't think of anything more gross than little pickled cucumbers..... Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you --Hey, forget "ideal V.day!" Mine was just great, thankyouverymuch. But a romantic dinner cooked by anyone other than me sounds fanfrickin-tastic! Your flirting style: friendly and sweet --Yup. I'm sweet. and friendly. Call me. What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance Aw crap! But I'm a cynical romantic!!!! Does that mean I turn myself off!?!?!?!? ....hmmmm. no WONDER it's not been working..... Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive --oh, you must be mistaken. I'm not the hot one. I'm the CUTE one. I do have a hot Rogue bodyguard. And an incredible Rogue Enforcer. But I'm the cute one -- gotta love me!!!!

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Almost Paradise

.....here's another honest gut-wrenching confessionally peek through the barricades into the heart-and-soul of APj.......

Prelude: Hindsight is always twenty-twenty. Voldemort left four months after this group scuba trip – I actually think the “girlfriend” was supposed to go on this trip, and that the others in our group (whose gazes were full of uncomfortable pauses and glances) knew it and her.

“When was the last time, APj?” Difficult question, but an honest one -an honest one that deserves an answer. But which last time: the last successful time? The last good time? Or the last attempt? And if the latter, whose? Our attempt, his attempt, or mine?

The last time I tried was in Fiji. I mean, where could be better than Fiji? Island Paradise. A buri on the beach. The wash of waves, whisper of winds. Morning swims and evening walks. Hikes through lush forests and kayaking with colorful fish. How could he resist?

I tried to do all the things I knew he had once loved about me: I sat close to him, casually caressing his inner thigh. My fingers lightly traced circles on the back of his neck, and I allowed my lips to slightly grazed his ear when I had to whisper. My heart raced as we walked from dinner to our buri. I changed into something naughty (and nice). He told me that he was going to shower……more than an hour later I watched him (through half-closed eyes) exit the bathroom and go to the other bed at the front of the buri.

When I tearfully asked him the next morning what he was doing, his reply was that he just wanted to sleep. And that he wasn’t interested in anything else, especially with me. He promptly left for the dining hall for coffee. Without me.

The remainder of my holiday was spent on wonderful morning swims, kayaking with colorful fish, and beautiful giant turtles. I explored the inner reaches of the island, hiking to the top of a waterfall. I took morning and evening walks along the beach, greeting the Sun as he rose and set, and listening to the Moon as she sang to the sea. Truly Paradise.

Each attempt I made after that was also rebuffed, and with each rebuff, I retreated further behind the barricades of my mind. And yes, you are right: although I have removed most of the barricades, many of them are still in place. It’s just too damn scary.

So, although I’d love to live up to my sexy name of Angel Providing Joy, and I am seriously Jonesing for Affection, perhaps Steph was closer to the truth when he dubbed me “Just Another Yearning…..”

GET YOUR SEXY ON! I'M BRINGING PAISLEY BACK!

Get Your Sexy Name

Get Your Sexy Name

Okay -- this one is NOT MY FAULT!!!!! To start with...Katie went and got me singing, "Get your paisely on" and I decided that yes, I really do want to bring sexy --- err--paisley back. and if I do (want to bring IT back) then I need a sexy name.A short while later (yes, the students are learning to use transitions -- and it's rubbing off on me....heh-heh, I said rubbing)-I went to visit that cheatin'cardplayer Solitaire, and she had a great new sexy name!

So.....which one?

CLASS!?!?!? CLASS!?!?!?!? SHUT UP!!!!!!!

(title courtesy of Cheech and Chong)




One of the wonderful things about the English language is denotation and connotation.

Denotation de·no·ta·tion
–noun
the explicit or direct meaning or set of meanings of a word or expression. The denotation of “home” is the place where a person lives.
connotation con·no·ta·tion
–noun
the associated or secondary meaning of a word or expression in addition to its explicit or primary meaning: A possible connotation of “home” is “where the heart is."


As a teacher, I am fascinated with words that have similar denotations, and different connotations.


“Such as?” you ask.

Hmmmmmm…….how about:

Urge and desire.
What is an urge? What about desire? Are they synonyms, shades of meaning? Or what? Of course, the first place I go is to the dictionary:

urge
–verb (used with object)
to push or force along; impel with force or vigor:
–verb (used without object)
to exert a driving or impelling force; give an impulse to haste or action
–noun
an involuntary, natural, or instinctive impulse

desire
–verb (used with object)
to wish or long for; crave; want
–noun
a longing or craving, as for something that brings satisfaction or enjoyment

Looking at the denotations of these words, they are similar. They both deal with forces, wishes, and longings.



Ahhhhh….but the connotations of each are so different. Urge is a baser word – more physical. An urge usually comes up suddenly; it can be fought and overcome. You can even ignore an urge; and when ignored, an urge usually dissipates.



-but desire; so different: desire grows from within – building, intensifying. Desire must be dealt with, even though you may choose to turn away from the object of your desire.

Urge……or desire?

9 teenagers, 2 adults, and APj

So, I've just returned from taking the youth group on our annual ski trip. It rained all day Saturday -- so we stayed in playing card games and watching movies. But Sunday dawned with 20 inches (20 inches! ::shiver:: and gone to the store!) of fresh snow on the ground. Chains applied (again, back to the store...) and we were off!

No....I don't ski (anymore). I never was more than an adequate skier. But I do love to go to the snow. I've had the same snow outfit for over twelve years: black ski bibs (from when I used to ski), snow boots (still highly functional) and Erynn's old Adidas jacket from middle school. I mean, how sad is that!?!?!?

My bodyguard agreed that yes, I probably did really need (and not just want) a new snow outfit.So........ I went shopping. Aren't I cute?!?!?!?

Yes....the pink mittens must go......NEED brown ones.

CAN O' WHUP ASS

SGL suggested that I needed to open a can of whup ass. So I went shopping -- and yes it's true: you CAN buy anything on the Internet.

I'm getting my new propane water heater installed tomorrow -- YEAH!!!! No more hauling water in buckets, or showering at the jim--err, gym. I need to wash clothes, do the dishes, change the linens, etc. But top o da list: hot shower for Laura -- err, half-pint -- err APthefrickingJ!

Went to see Tale's End at the Turtledove theatre -- looks to be a good show at the Rogue.

and....speaking of the Rogue..... life is going to get Roguishly busy here -- we had a volunteer meeting this weekend (note to all -- we need you -- YES, YOU!) Got money to round up, stages to rent and build, flyers to post, and money to carry and spend. Dangerous job -- that carrying of money(thanks Mustang! looking forward to using you again!!). Had a really great body guard from London last year. Hoping he's for hire again.

So....perhaps SGL was right! I did need to open that can......

FORGET FRONTIER GIRL....LET'S TALK ABOUT SEX!

I knew that would get your attention.

Not that I give much credence to horoscopes and all, but let's just take a moment and see how APJ stacks up:

Yes, yes, APJ, born on the 5th of November, is a Scorpio. Yes, right again! Guy Fawkes Day - the firstborn of Anarchists -- or true Freedom Fighters and

--psst!

who's there?

--just the voice in your head

which one?

--Duh. The cute one, of course. Did you know that "Rebelliousness against all conventions, political extremism to the point where hatred of the Establishment makes the SCORPIO an utterly unscrupulous terrorist?"

says who?

--says the Signs of the Zodiac

cool! What else does SotZ say about me?

--well, this is kinda like above. It says here that, "Scorpios need great self-discipline, because they are able to recognize the qualities in themselves that make them different from other humans, and to know their utterly conventional natures can be used for great good, or great evil."

egads! I can almost see Dr. Evil with his "quotation marks" Come on! I'm not all that bad. Maybe.....maybe I'm all that good!! Like a superhero!

--well, it says here that you do have a super power--

really! a superpower!?!? What is it? Tell me!

--Be patient (yes, yes, not one of your gifts).....let me read down a bit....hmmmm....here it is -- "Scorpios sometimes possess penetrating eyes which make their shyer companions feel naked and defenseless before them."

Wait a fricking minute! Are you telling me that I can make shy guys feel naked and defenseless? Really!?!? I think I'm gonna start staring a whole lot more-- I can almost feel the power rising--

--Yup! there's stuff on that too! According to SotZ, "Scorpios are the most intense, profound, powerful characters in the zodiac. Even when they appear self-controlled and calm there is a seething intensity of emotional energy under the placid exterior. They are like the volcano not far under the surface of a calm sea, it may burst into eruption at any moment."

Wow. I thought that was just sexual frustra--

--how is it you always manage to bring it back to sex!?!?!? Normal people bring it back to Do Re Mi, but you! You always gotta go there -- Fine. Fine. Here ya' go, pervert -- here's the sex part: "Scorpio is the symbol of sex and Scorpios are passionate lovers, the most sensually energetic of all the signs. Their overriding urge in loving is to use their power--"

power!?!?! I get to use my superpower eyeballs to make them naked and defenseless?

--no. you do not. You "use power to penetrate beyond themselves and to lose themselves sexually in their partners in an almost mystical ecstasy, thus discovering the meaning of that union which is greater than individuality, and is a marriage of the spirit as well as of flesh."

.............

.........

......
...

.....sorry......went to the store.....

--so....big shot -- since you got me all worked up, what's my horoscope say for today?

A magical quintile between beautiful Venus and opulent Jupiter sets the stage for sensual enjoyment. We are more likely now to take direct action, as the best opportunities look better and better with passing time. However, keep in mind that the long-term effects of yesterday's Jupiter-Uranus Square can have us chasing imaginary rainbows throughout the year.Keep in mind that your desires originate within your unconscious mind. Shine the light of awareness onto your hidden emotions. You can defuse an uncomfortable situation by saying what hasn't yet been said.

Okay all ya'll, don't remember chasing rainbows, imaginary or not, anywhere near my or Uranus yesterday.......but I'm willing to use my superpowers to shine the light on any emotions that may be trying to hide. And, although the anarchist in me would rather defuse or detonate a bomb, I will try to be brave and say what hasn't been said (yet).....when the opportunity arises.....

JUST CALL ME LAURA FRICKING INGALLS WILDER!

So.....it has been one week since I time travelled back to the 19th century. I remember fondly watching "Little House on the Prairie." I loved Michael Landon,

- and why not!?!?!? after all, his first name is Michael

-loved the cute prairie dresses, the simplicity of the time. "Gee," I would think to myself, "It was so much easier then--"

"EASIER!?!?!?!?" I mutter each evening as I go to the gym to showe--err---to work out and THEN shower.

"W.T.F.!?!?!?!" I complain each morning and evening as I fill my 5 gallon buckets with water from the outside tank to fill house toilets with -- so they'll flush.

Hmmmm! Betcha some of youse didn't think about that, eh?

So -- the latest update, I got an outrageous quote from the solar company, and should know tomorrow how much, if any, they will cover.

Either way, tomorrow:

"To Solar or not to Solar, that is the question....."

Murphy's Weekend

Murphy came to stay this weekend. Do you know Murphy? He's quite famous -- he's written his own Law -- and people often quote it.
"You know Murphy's Law...."

And there he was -- staying at the Ranchette! I know I should be flattered, but I'm not.


I went to bed around 11:30 Saturday night. I knew it was going to be a cold one -- frost warnings everywhere, and the wind machines running to keep the oranges from freezing. Imagine my surprise when I awoke at 2:00 AM - FREEZING! "Hmmmm....I'm not an orange, so why am I freezing?" I asked myself. I crept out of bed to go bump the thermostat up. Imagine my horror and shock upon seeing that the temperature INSIDE my house was 52 degrees.

Yes, 52 degrees. Long story short, the propane company "forgot" to deliver propane last week. And since it has be fanfricking cold, I ran out of propane. No propane, no heat. "No problem!" I told Murphy -- who had appeared, grinning, out of nowhere. "That's what a fireplace is for!" I smugly pulled my boots and robe on and made a dash outside (24 degrees) for wood.

Thinking I had the entire problem solved -- propane set to be delivered on Tuesday -- I set about my business on Monday.
::Ring! Ring!::

"Hello?"
"Ms. Jayne? This is Susan. It seems your solar has busted -- and all the water is streaming down your roof."

Long story short -- again -- It appears that Murphy was not satisfied with freezing Jayne, he wants stinky Jayne too. The solar panel froze and broke the water line. I've had to shut the water off at the outside tank - which means......yes...you've got it! No water in the house. No water in the toilet. No water. So, until it's fixed it means showers at the jim -- err, gym and filling the toilet prior to flushing the toilet.

postscript I escorted Murphy to the gate, and watched him leave. I'm sure he'll try to double back.